CEL Abrams HHC Extending the Learning

44 Pages·2014·1.29 MB·English

by  Jennifer Abrams

Having Hard Conversations
Extending the Learning
CEL - 2015

Agenda

• Welcomes, Agenda

• Case Study

• Outcome Mapping
SCARF Model
Learning and Personal Challenges
CLASH – 7 Cultural Conflicts that
(cid:3)(cid:3)(cid:3)(cid:3)(cid:3)(cid:3)(cid:3)Make Us Who We Are
The Multigenerational Workplace
“The Confidence Gap”

• Specific Conflict Responses
What If They Say?
Conflict Escalator Responses
Seize the Moment Responses

• Coming Away from a HC with Less ‘Residue’

Jennifer Abrams
[email protected]
www.jenniferabrams.com
Twitter: @jenniferabrams

©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 1 www.jenniferabrams.com
About the Presenter

Jennifer Abrams is an international educational and communications consultant for public and
independent schools, hospitals, universities and non-profits. Jennifer trains and coaches
teachers, administrators, nurses, hospital personnel, and others on new employee support,
supervision, being generationally savvy, having hard conversations and effective collaboration
skills.

In Palo Alto USD (Palo Alto, CA), Jennifer led professional development sessions on topics
from equity and elements of effective instruction to teacher leadership and peer coaching and
provided new teacher and administrator trainings at both the elementary and secondary level.
From 2000-2011, Jennifer was lead coach for the Palo Alto-Mountain View-Los Altos-Saratoga-
Los Gatos Consortium’s Beginning Teacher Support and Assessment Program.

In her educational consulting work, Jennifer has presented at annual conferences such as
Learning Forward, ASCD, NASSP, NAESP, AMLE, ISACS and the New Teacher Center Annual
Symposium, as well as at the Teachers’ and Principals’ Centers for International School
Leadership. Jennifer’s communications consulting in the health care sector includes training and
coaching work at the Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula and Stanford Hospital and
Clinics.

Jennifer’s publications include Having Hard Conversations, and the Corwin Press e-courses by the
same name, “Planning Productive Talk,” her article for ASCD’s Educational Leadership (October
2011), her chapter, “Habits of Mind for the School Savvy Leader” in Art Costa’s and Bena
Kallick’s book, Learning and Leading with Habits of Mind: 16 Essential Characteristics for Success,
and her contribution to the book, Mentors in the Making: Developing New Leaders for New
Teachers published by Teachers College Press. Her latest book, with co-author Valerie Von
Frank, The Multigenerational Workplace: Communicating, Collaborating & Creating Community was
published by Corwin Press in November of 2013 and her upcoming book on developing one’s
skill set around challenging communications will be published in 2016. Jennifer also writes a
monthly newsletter/blog, Voice Lessons, available for reading at and subscribing to on her
website, www.jenniferabrams.com.

Jennifer has been recognized as one of “18 Women All K-12 Educators Need to Know” by
Education Week’s ‘Finding Common Ground’ blog. She has been a featured interviewee on the
topic of professionalism for ASCD’s video series, Master Class, hosted by National Public
Radio’s Claudio Sanchez, and in the lead article, “Finding Your Voice in Facilitating Productive
Conversations” for Learning Forward's The Leading Teacher, Summer 2013 newsletter; as a
generational expert for "Tune in to What the New Generation of Teachers Can Do," published
in Phi Delta Kappan, (May 2011), and by the Ontario Ministry of Education for their Leadership
Matters: Supporting Open-to-Learning Conversations video series.

Jennifer considers herself a “voice coach,” helping others learn how to best use their voices -
be it collaborating on a team, presenting in front of an audience, coaching a colleague,
supervising an employee. Jennifer holds a Master’s degree in Education from Stanford University
and a Bachelor’s degree in English from Tufts University. She lives in Palo Alto, California.
Jennifer can be reached at [email protected], www.jenniferabrams.com, and on
Twitter @jenniferabrams.
©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 2 www.jenniferabrams.com
Our conversations invent us.
Through our speech and our
silence, we become smaller or
larger selves. Through our
speech and our silence, we
diminish or enhance the other
person, and we narrow or
expand the possibilities
between us. How we use our
voice determines the quality of
our relationships, who we are in
the world, and what the world
can be and might become.
Clearly, a lot is at stake here.

Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Connection

©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 3 www.jenniferabrams.com
Setting the Stage

Think about a hard conversation you haven’t
had with someone. What are the
circumstances surrounding the concern? What
is bothering you? What are some of the
reasons why you haven’t said anything yet?

You will be using this “case study” throughout the session
so please pick a challenge you feel comfortable working on
and sharing with others.

©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 4 www.jenniferabrams.com
Presenting Problem Paraphrase the problem and get the problem into a clear, realistic format. What is the one essential challenge? If you have several problems, pick the most pressing or your best point of entry. What is imperative (and do-able) vs. somewhat important?

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Person’s Desired Behaviors What specific and measurable things would you like to or hear if the problem was gone Work on getting aleast 3-4 specific, visible, audible behaviors into thiscolumn. Make visible the invisible. COLUMNS AROF THE WORHAPPEN Adaptive Scho
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Person’s Needed Internal Resources (Knowledge, Skills, Attitude) In order to do these behaviors what knowledge, skills or attitude will the person need to have? (see Internal Resources page to follow) So looking at this list, what are the critical pieces? What skills or knowledge if the person had them would have the most effect? THESE TWO WHERE 95% SHOULD mston and Wellma
Growth Agent’s Strategies To Promote Growth What strategies will you use to help this person understand and do the behaviors that would solve the problem? What are some specific things you could do to address this need for…a new skill, new knowledge set…a new value? Given what you know about your person, what language or actions would touch or reach her? Adapted from Gar

Growth Agent’s Needed Internal Resources (Knowledge, Skills, Attitude) In order for you to implement these strategies what knowledge, skills or attitude do you need to learn or relearn? (See Internal Resources page) What is your hunch about what attitude or emotion or value you need to tap into in this situation in order to be most effective? OUTCOME MAP –
©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 5 www.jenniferabrams.com
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©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 6 www.jenniferabrams.com
Internal Resources – Questions to Ask

• Does what I am asking the person to do play to a
weakness or a strength? Can I work with a strength
you know the person has?

• Do I need to build the person’s mental capacity?

• Do I need to build a person’s emotional capacity?

• What information, tools, and dispositions, values or
beliefs or identity definition might this person need
to call forth?

• What might I need to enforce, value, acknowledge or
give permission to in order to help this person do
the actions you want them to do?

• What barriers might be stopping this person’s from
exhibiting the required behaviors?

• Is there a social force or influence that might need
to be acknowledged, worked with or removed?

Adapted from Crucial Confrontations – Patterson, Grenny, McMillian and Switzler and Effective Presentation Skills by

©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 7 www.jenniferabrams.com
Personal Challenges-Family Crises,
Mental Health Concerns, Learning Disabilities, Etc.

Being the caretaker of a sick child/parent/spouse/partner
Being a new parent/step-parent
Other big life events
Divorce
Death/Grief
Financial Troubles
Physical Illnesses

Depression
Anxiety
Alcoholism/Drug addiction
Anger issues
Eating disorders
Traumatic events

Executive functioning/Organizational skills/Memory issues
ADD/ADHD
Impulse control
Autism spectrum – Social pragmatics challenges
Visual/Auditory processing problems
Dyslexia

©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 8 www.jenniferabrams.com
NeuroLeadershipjournal research
SCARF: a brain-based model
for collaborating with and
influencing others
David rock
Ceo, Results Coaching Systems international, GPo Box 395, Sydney, NSW Australia 2001
Faculty, CiMBA
Co-founder, NeuroLeadership institute
editor, NeuroLeadership Journal
[email protected]
In a world of increasing interconnectedness and rapid in groups, including all types of workplaces, educational
change, there is a growing need to improve the way environments, family settings and general social events.
people work together. understanding the true drivers of
The SCARF model involves five domains of human
human social behavior is becoming ever more urgent in
social experience: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness
this environment.
and Fairness.
The study of the brain, particularly within the field of social,
Status is about relative importance to others. Certainty
cognitive and affective neuroscience is starting to provide
concerns being able to predict the future. Autonomy provides
some underlying brain insights that can be applied in the
a sense of control over events. Relatedness is a sense of
real world (Lieberman, 2007). Social neuroscience explores
safety with others, of friend rather than foe. And fairness is a
the biological foundations of the way humans relate to each
perception of fair exchanges between people.
other and to themselves and covers diverse topics that have
a different degree to which they can be operationalized and These five domains activate either the ‘primary reward’
unambiguously tested. Topics include: theory of mind, the self, or ‘primary threat’ circuitry (and associated networks) of
mindfulness, emotional regulation, attitudes, stereotyping, the brain. For example, a perceived threat to one’s status
empathy, social pain, status, fairness, collaboration, connect- activates similar brain networks to a threat to one’s life. in the
edness, persuasion, morality, compassion, deception, trust same way, a perceived increase in fairness activates the same
and goal pursuit.
reward circuitry as receiving a monetary reward.
From this diversity, two themes are emerging from social
The model enables people to more easily remember, recognize,
neuroscience. Firstly, that much of our motivation driving
and potentially modify the core social domains that drive human
social behavior is governed by an overarching organizing
behavior. Labelling and understanding these drivers draws
principle of minimizing threat and maximizing reward
conscious awareness to otherwise non conscious processes,
(Gordon, 2000). Secondly, that several domains of social
which can help in two ways. Firstly, knowing the drivers that can
experience draw upon the same brain networks to maximize
cause a threat response enables people to design interactions to
reward and minimize threat as the brain networks used for
minimize threats. For example, knowing that a lack of autonomy
primary survival needs (Lieberman and eisenberger, 2008). in
activates a genuine threat response, a leader or educator may
other words, social needs are treated in much the same way
consciously avoid micromanaging their employees or students.
in the brain as the need for food and water.
Secondly, knowing about the drivers that can activate a reward
The SCARF model summarizes these two themes within a response enables people to motivate others more effectively by
framework that captures the common factors that can activate tapping into internal rewards, thereby reducing the reliance on
a reward or threat response in social situations. This model can external rewards such as money. For example, a line manager
be ap©plJieedn (nainfde tre sAtebdr) ianm ansy, s 2itu0a1ti5on where people collaborate 9might grant more autonomy aws aw reww.ajredn fonri fgeoroda bperrafomrms.acnocem.
1
NeuroLeadershipjournal research
Before exploring the domains of SCARF individually a brief words, were still categorized as possible threats by the
context of the underlying science of the SCARF model, Namely, amygdala (Naccache et al, 2005). Brainstem – Limbic
the approach (reward)-avoid (threat) response and the impact networks process threat and reward cues within a fifth of a
of this response on mental performance, is provided. second, providing you with ongoing nonconscious intuition
of what is meaningful to you in every situation of your daily
Foundations of the scarF model life (Gordon et al. Journal of integrative Neuroscience, Sept
2008). Such studies show that the approach-avoid response
The approach (reward)-avoid (threat)
drives attention at a fundamental level – nonconsciously,
response: a survival instinct
automatically and quickly. it is a reflexive activity.
According to integrative Neuroscientist evian Gordon, the
it is easy to see that the ability to recognizing primary
‘minimize danger and maximize reward’ principle is an
rewards and threats, such as good versus poisonous food,
overarching, organizing principle of the brain (Gordon, 2000).
would be important to survival and thus a part of the brain.
This central organizing principle of the brain is analogous to
Social neuroscience shows us that the brain uses similar
a concept that has appeared in the literature for a long time:
circuitry for interacting with the social world. Lieberman
the approach-avoid response. This principle represents the
and eisenberger explore this finding in detail in a paper in
likelihood that when a person encounters a stimulus their
this journal entitled ‘The Pains and Pleasures of Social Life’
brain will either tag the stimulus as ‘good’ and engage in
(Lieberman & eisenberger, 2008).
the stimulus (approach), or their brain will tag the stimulus
as ‘bad’ and they will disengage from the stimulus (avoid). if The effects of approaching versus avoiding
a stimulus is associated with positive emotions or rewards,
The significance of the approach-avoid response becomes
it will likely lead to an approach response; if it is associated
clearer when one discovers the dramatic effect that these
with negative emotions or punishments, it will likely lead to
states can have on perception and problem solving, and
an avoid response. The response is particularly strong when
the implications of this effect on decision-making, stress-
the stimulus is associated with survival. other concepts from
management, collaboration and motivation.
the scientific literature are similar to approach and avoidance
and are summarized in the chart below. in one study, two groups of people completed a paper maze
that featured a mouse in the middle trying to reach a picture on
The approach-avoid response is a survival mechanism designed
the outside. one group had a picture of cheese on the outside,
to help people stay alive by quickly and easily remembering
the other a predator – an owl. After completing the maze both
what is good and bad in the environment. The brain encodes
groups were given creativity tests. The group heading towards
one type of memory for food that tasted disgusting in the past,
the cheese solved significantly more creative problems than
and a different type of memory for food that was good to eat.
those heading to the owl (Friedman and Foster, 2001). This
The amygdala, a small almond-shaped object that is part
of the limbic system, plays a central role in remembering study, supported by several other similar studies, shows that
whether something should be approached or avoided. The even subtle effects of this approach-avoid response can have
amygdala (and its associated networks) are believed to activate a big impact on cognitive performance.
proportionally to the strength of an emotional response.
Translating this effect to the social world, someone feeling
The limbic system can processes stimuli before it reaches threatened by a boss who is undermining their credibility is
conscious awareness. one study showed that subliminally less likely to be able to solve complex problems and more
presented nonsense words that were similar to threatening likely to make mistakes. This reduced cognitive performance is
response synonyms in literature Which traditional primary What social factors/situations
factors activate the response activate the response
approach Advance, attack, reward, Rewards in form of money, Happy, attractive faces.
resource, expand, solution, food, water, sex, shelter, Rewards in the form of
strength, construct, engage. physical assets for survival. increasing status, certainty,
autonomy, relatedness,
fairness.
avoid Withdraw, retreat, danger, Punishment in the form of Fearful, unattractive,
threat, contract, problem, removal of money or other unfamiliar faces. Threats
weakness, deconstruct. resources or threats like in the form of decreasing
a large hungry predator status, certainty, autonomy,
or a gun. relatedness, fairness.
©Jennifer Abrams, 2015 10 www.jenniferabrams.com
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