Boys into Men: Raising Our African American Teenage Sons

272 Pages·2001·1.42 MB·English

by  Nancy Boyd-Franklin

9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page i
Boys into Men
9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page iii
BOYS INTO MEN
Raising Our African American
Teenage Sons
B
Nancy Boyd-Franklin, Ph.D.
and A.J. Franklin, Ph.D.
with Pamela A.Toussaint
A DUTTON BOOK
DUTTON
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Putnam Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
Penguin Books Ltd, 27 Wrights Lane, London W8 5TZ, England
Penguin Books Australia Ltd, Ringwood, Victoria, Australia
Penguin Books Canada Ltd, 10 Alcorn Avenue, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4V 3B2
Penguin Books (N.Z.) Ltd, 182–190 Wairau Road, Auckland 10, New Zealand
Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices:
Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England

First published by Dutton, a member of Penguin Putnam Inc.

Copyright © Nancy Boyd-Franklin and Pamela A. Toussaint, 2000
All rights reserved
Selections from Acts of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant, Copyright © Iyanla Vanzant, 1993.
Reprinted with the permission of Simon & Schuster.
Selection adapted from Black Man Emerging by Joseph L. White and James H. Coñes III,
Copyright © Joseph L. White and James H. Coñes III, 1999. Reproduced
by permission of Routledge, Inc.
REGISTERED TRADEMARK —MARCA REGI STRADA
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA:
Boyd-Franklin, Nancy.
Boys into men : raising our African American teenage sons / by Nancy Boyd-Franklin,
A. J. Franklin, with Pamela A. Toussaint.
p. cm.
ISBN 0 7865 3678 0
1. Afro-American teenage boys. 2. Afro-American teenage boys—Conduct of life. 3. Child
rearing—United States. 4. Parent and teenager—United States. I. Franklin, A. J.
(Anderson James) II. Toussaint, Pamela. III. Title.
E185.86 .B649 4 2000
649'.132'08996073—dc21
99-057187
Making or distributing electronic copies of this book constitutes copyright infringement and could
subject the infringer to criminal and civil liability.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication
may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any
form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise),
without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner
and the above publisher of this book.
9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page v
To our children who have inspired us
and
To our parents who have guided us
9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page vi
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
S 38
R 39
9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page vii
1
2
3
4
Contents 5
6
7
8
9
Acknowledgments ix 10
Introduction 1 11
12
1. You Must Act as if It Is Impossible to Fail: Challenges 13
in Raising African American Teenage Sons 5 14
15
2. If We Stand Tall It Is Because We Stand on the
16
Backs of Those Who Came Before Us: African
17
American Families and the Manchild 16
18
3. No One Can Uproot the Tree Which God Has 19
Planted: Spirituality and Religion in Raising 20
21
Our Sons 45
22
4. The Bell Rings Loudest in Your Own Home: 23
Positive Parenting, Love, Communication, 24
and Discipline 63 25
26
5. Education Is Your Passport to the Future,
27
for Tomorrow Belongs to the People Who
28
Prepare for It Today 82
29
6. When I Discover Who I Am I’ll Be Free: 30
Black Kids in White Schools and Communities 111 31
32
7. Our Future Lies Chiefly in Our Own Hands:
33
The Journey to Manhood and Peer Pressure 119 34
8. We Cannot Silence the Voices That We Do 35
Not Like Hearing: Rap, Media Influences, 36
37
and Hoop Dreams 128
38 S
39 R
9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page viii
viii / Contents
1 9. Children Make Foolish Choices When They
2 Have Nothing to Lose: Sex and Sexuality 139
3
10. A Man Who Stands for Nothing Will Fall
4
for Anything: Drug and Alcohol Abuse 154
5
6 11. Force Against Force Equals More Force: Violence
7
and Gangs 182
8
9 12. If You Are on a Road to Nowhere, Find Another Road:
10 Taking Our Sons Back from the Streets 204
11 13. The One Who Asks Questions Doesn’t Lose His Way:
12
Getting Past the Fear of Counseling 220
13
14 14. Keep Your Eyes on the Prize. Hold on: A Parent’s
15 Survival Guide 237
16
Index 250
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
S38
R 39
9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page ix
1
2
3
4
Acknowledgments 5
6
7
8
9
We give thanks to God for giving us the opportunity to write this 10
important book and for guiding us through the process. 11
We thank and appreciate Hazel Staloff’s editing and coordi- 12
nation of the central word processing responsibilities. Her flexi- 13
bility and extraordinary availability during the writing and 14
assembling of this work contributed greatly to its completion. 15
Appreciation is also extended to our agent, Agnes Birnbaum, for 16
leading us through the early stages of this project and for her 17
support throughout the entire process. To Deb Brody and Cindy 18
Achar, our editors at Dutton, we are grateful for their being very 19
responsive to our needs and helpful guides through the publica- 20
tion of this book. We are also thankful for the contribution of 21
Pam Toussaint. 22
We are indebted to our children, Deidre, Tunde, Remi, and 23
Jay, for their willingness to read and provide comments on our 24
stories about them and our own parenting challenges. Without 25
particular friends supporting us by reading, commenting, and 26
providing suggestions on all or parts of several versions of the 27
manuscript, this work would not be as rich in suggestions and 28
insights. We especially want to thank our good friends Rosemary 29
Allwood and Dr. Vernon Allwood, Dr. Paulette Hines, Ray and Sid 30
Ivey, Edna Wells Handy, Dr. Brenna Bry, Dr. Shalonda Kelly, and 31
Nancy’s sister, Audrey Boyd. Our appreciation is extended to our 32
colleagues Jo Ann Tatum, Dr. Corinne Linquist, Dr. Evelyn 33
Orozco, and Brian Jacobson for their thoughtful comments. 34
Special thanks and blessings go to Mom, Regina Boyd, whose 35
indefatigable energy and willingness to read in detail the many 36
versions of the manuscript helped us to convey our message in 37
this book. We greatly appreciated her help with family responsi- 38 S
39 R
9488_00_i-xii_r6kp.qxd 4/6/2000 2:00 PM Page x
x / Acknowledgments
1 bilities, which allowed us periodically to dedicate our time to writ-
2 ing. We are also very grateful to Rev. DeForest B. Soaries Jr. and
3 Rev. Larry Williams for their support and advice.
4 —Nancy Boyd-Franklin and A. J. Franklin
5
6
7 All honor and praise to my Lord Jesus Christ, who always
8 causes me to triumph. Much love to my girls Melinda Weekes and
9 Brenda Reid, also to Darren Hicks and Sherman Givens, who
10 have been charged with the awesome task of training up our
11 Nubian princes in the way they should go. God bless you!
12 —Pamela Toussaint
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
S38
R 39