Boy Meets Girl

356 Pages·2004·0.95 MB·English

by  Meg Cabot

Contents

Dedication
Begin Reading
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Books by Meg Cabot
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
For Benjamin
THE NEW YORK JOURNAL
New York City’s Leading Photo-Newspaper
Kathleen A. Mackenzie
Personnel Representative
Human Resources
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
212-555-6891

Ida D. Lopez
Craft Food Services
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019

Dear Mrs. Lopez:

Last week, we met to address your continuing job-performance problems related to
thegiving out of dissemination of serving of items from the dessert cart you operate in the
newspaper’s senior staff dining room. These problems have persisted despite repeated
counseling sessions withme my boss Amy Jenkins supervisors as well as staff training
programs. Specifically, your refusal togive disseminate serve dessert to certain members of
the senior staff has resulted in several written complaints from administrators at
thisestablishment paper company.
Mrs. Lopez, your refusal to serve dessert to certain members of the paper’s staff is
disruptive to food service operations, and the explanations that you have provided for your
behavior are notsatisfactory wholly believable inexplicable acceptable. This letter is being
issued as a written warning with the expectation that there will be an immediate and
sustained improvement in yourwork attitude food service dissemination job performance.
Failure to comply will result in further disciplinary action.
On a more personal note, Mrs. Lopez, please stop refusing to give senior staff members
dessert, even if you feel, as you explained to me last week, that they don’t “deserve it.”
Which members of the paper’s staff do or do not deserve dessert is not your decision to
make! And I would hate to see you asked to leave the food craft services department over
something so silly! I would really miss you—and your chocolate chip cookies!

Damn it.
From the Desk of
Kate Mackenzie

To do:
1. Laundry!!!!!!!!!
2. Finish disciplinary warning letter to Ida Lopez.
3. Pick up prescriptions—Allegra, Imitrex, Levlen.
4. Get new Almay pressed powder compact.
5. Find new apartment.
6. Find new boyfriend.
7. Get better job.
8. Get married.
9. Have successful career.
10. Have children/grandchildren/big retirement party.
11. Die in sleep at age 100.
12. Pick up dry cleaning!!!!!!!!!
Kathleen A. Mackenzie
Personnel Representative, LZ
Human Resources
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
212-555-6891
[email protected]
Sleaterkinneyfan: What are you doing?
Katydid: WORKING. Stop IM-ing me, you know the T.O.D. doesn’t like it
when we IM during office hours.
Sleaterkinneyfan: The T.O.D. can bite me. And you are not working. I can see your desk
from here. You’re making another one of those To Do lists, aren’t
you?
Katydid: It may look like I’m making a To Do list, but really I am reflecting on
the series of failures and bad judgment calls that have made up my
life.
Sleaterkinneyfan: Oh my God, you are twenty-five years old. You have not even had a
life yet.
Katydid: Then why am I in such mental and emotional anguish?
Sleaterkinneyfan: Because you stayed up too late last night watchingCharmed reruns.
Don’t try to deny it, I heard you salivating over Cole.
Katydid: Oh my God, I’m so sorry!!!!!!!! Did I keep you and Craig awake?
Sleaterkinneyfan: Please. Craig would sleep through a nuclear blast. And I only heard
you because I got up to use the bathroom. These hormones make me
have to go every five minutes.
Katydid: I am so, so sorry. I swear I will be off your couch and out of your
place just as soon as I get a line on a studio I can afford. Paula’s taking
me to look at one tomorrow night in Hoboken. $1100/month, third-
floor walk-up.
Sleaterkinneyfan: Would you stop? I told you, we like having you stay with us.
Katydid: Jen, you and Craig are trying to have a BABY. You do not need an old
college roommate sacking out on your living room couch while you
are trying to procreate. You did enough just getting me this job in the
first place.
Sleaterkinneyfan: You more than earn your keep with all the cleaning you do. Don’t
think I haven’t noticed. Craig even pointed out this morning that you
had dusted the top of the refrigerator. Obsessive much, by the way?
Who even looks at the top of the refrigerator?
Katydid: Well, Craig, OBVIOUSLY.
Sleaterkinneyfan: Whatever. You can’t afford $1100/month on your salary. I know how
much you make, remember?
Katydid: It’s the cheapest place Paula’s found me so far. That isn’t on the same
block as a methadone clinic.
Sleaterkinneyfan: I don’t understand why YOU are the one who had to move out. Why
didn’t you kick HIM out?
Katydid: I can’t stay in that apartment. Not with the memories of all the happy
times Dale and I shared.
Sleaterkinneyfan: Oh, you mean like all those times you came home from work to find
that, like, one of his bandmates had mistaken the closet for the
bathroom and peed on your suede boots?
Katydid: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BRING THAT UP AT WORK? You
know it always makes me want to cry. I really loved those boots. They
were perfect Coach knockoffs.
Sleaterkinneyfan: You should have thrown his stuff out onto the fire escape and changed
the locks. “I don’t know if I can marry you after all, I have to take
things one day at a time.” I mean, what kind of thing is that for a guy
to say?????
Katydid: Um, the kind of thing an ex-pothead who is about to land a million-
dollar recording contract would say to the girl he has dated since high
school. I mean, come on, Jen. Dale can get anyone now. Why would
he stay with his girlfriend from high school?
Sleaterkinneyfan: Oh my God, I swear if it weren’t for the T.O.D. watching me like a
hawk for any excuse to can my ass, I’d come over there and slap you.
You are the best thing that ever happened to Dale, recording contract
or no recording contract, and if he doesn’t know it, he isn’t worth it.
Do you understand me, Katie? HE ISN’T WORTH IT.
Katydid: Yes, but then what does that say about ME? I’m the one who went out
with him for ten years, after all. TEN YEARS. With a guy who isn’t
sure now that he wants to marry me after all. I mean, what does that
tell you about my ability to read people? Seriously, Jen, I probably
shouldn’t even be allowed to work here. How can I presume to tell my
employers who they should and should not hire when I am obviously
such a heinous judge of character?
Sleaterkinneyfan: Katie, you are not a heinous judge of character. Your problem is that
you—
AmyJenkinsDir: logged on
AmyJenkinsDir: Pardon me for interrupting, ladies, but is there or is there not a
departmental ban on Instant Messaging during office hours? Ms.
Sadler, please get me the blue form on the new hire in Arts. Miss
Mackenzie, I need to see you in my office right away.
Sleaterkinneyfan: logged off
Katydid: logged off
AmyJenkinsDir: logged off
Sleaterkinneyfan: logged on
Katydid: logged on
Sleaterkinneyfan: THE TYRANNICAL OFFICE DESPOT MUST DIE
Katydid: Her home life must be very unsatisfactory.
Sleaterkinneyfan: logged off
Katydid: logged off

30’s East Rent Stabilized
A Steal! Studio $1100. No
Fee. Call Ron 718-555-7757

Yo! It’s Ron. Leave a message.

(Tone)

Um, hi, Ron? Hi, this is Kate, Kate Mackenzie. I’m calling about the
apartment. The rent-stabilized studio in the East Thirties? Yeah. Please give
me a call about it. I can come to look at it any time. Really. Like in five
minutes, if you want. Just, you know. Call me. I’ll be at 212-555-6891 until
five, then you can reach me at 212-555-1324. And thanks. Call anytime.
Really.
If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Be a sweetie,
Wipe the seatie!

This message brought to you by
The Human Resources Division of theNew York Journal
THE NEW YORK JOURNAL
New York City’s Leading Photo-Newspaper
Features Division
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019

Human Resources Division
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019

We, the undersigned, of the Features Department of theNew York Journal, are hereby
returning this sign, found in the restrooms on our division’s floor. While we realize that this
sign is the Human Resources Division’s humorous way of dealing with the complaints of
untidiness in the restrooms at 216 W. 57th Street, we find the sign offensive for the
following reasons:

1. We in the Features Department do not “tinkle.” We urinate.
2. We in the Features Department do not refer to ourselves, or anyone else, as
“sweetie.” (exception: Dolly Vargas has on occasion referred to people as sweeties,
but not in reference to their hygienic practices)
3. We in the Features Department do not refer to toilet seats as “seaties.”
A more appropriate step toward maintaining an appropriate standard of cleanliness in our
restrooms might be more frequent spot checks by the custodial staff.
Please do not hang signs like these in our restrooms EVER again.
Sincerely,

George Sanchez
Melissa Fuller-Trent
Nadine Wilcock-Salerno
Dolly Vargas

To: Jen Sadler <[email protected]>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <[email protected]>
Re: Amy’s Toilet Signs

Oh, my God, the Features Dept. returned those signs the T.O.D. made housekeeping hang
in all the toilet stalls! Too funny! Want to be there when I tell her? Amy, I mean.

Kate

To: Kate Mackenzie <[email protected]>
Fr: Jen Sadler <[email protected]>
Re: Amy’s Toilet Signs
OF COURSE I want to be there. You know how disappointed she’ll be when she finds out.
She says she hung signs like this all through her sorority house, and that the girls loved
them. This is gonna be so good. . . .
New York Journal Employee Incident Report
Name/Title of Reporter:
Carl Hopkins, Security Officer

Date/Time of Incident:
Wednesday, 1:30 p.m.

Place of Incident:
NY JournalSenior Staff Dining Room

Persons Involved in Incident:
Stuart Hertzog, legal counsel to theNY Journal, 35
Ida Lopez, Craft Food Services dessert cart operator,NY Journal, 64

Nature of Incident:
S. Hertzog asked I. Lopez for more pie.
I. Lopez said No more pie.
S. Hertzog said But I see the pie right there, give me some.
I. Lopez said No more pie for you.
S. Hertzog said Why not?
I. Lopez said You know good and well why.
S. Hertzog summoned Security.
Security gave him pie.