Boundaries - Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries PDF
Preview Boundaries - Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries
title: Boundaries : Where You End and I Begin author: Katherine Anne. publisher: Hazelden Publishing isbn10 | asin: 1568380305 print isbn13: 9781568380308 ebook isbn13: 9780585308241 language: English Life skills, Personal improvement and subject analysis, Space, Personal (boundaries) publication date: 1994 lcc: HM1171.K38 1994eb ddc: 747 Life skills, Personal improvement and subject: analysis, Space, Personal (boundaries) Page iii Boundaries Where You End and I Begin Anne Katherine, MA Page iv Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 © 1991 by Hazelden Foundation All rights reserved. Published by Hazelden 1994 Originally published by Parkside Publishing Corporation 1991. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher. ISBN: 1-56838-030-5 Page v To Sherry I joyfully thank my clients, those special people who gave me permission to tell their stories so that others who hurt might heal. Page vi HAZELDEN INFORMATION AND EDUCATIONAL SERVICES is a division of the Hazelden Foundation, a not-for-profit organization. Since 1949, Hazelden has been a leader in promoting the dignity and treatment of people afflicted with the disease of chemical dependency. The mission of the foundation is to improve the quality of life for individuals, families, and communities by providing a national continuum of information, education, and recovery services that are widely accessible; to advance the field through research and training; and to improve our quality and effectiveness through continuous improvement and innovation. Stemming from that, the mission of this division is to provide quality information and support to people wherever they may be in their personal journeyfrom education and early intervention, through treatment and recovery, to personal and spiritual growth. Although our treatment programs do not necessarily use everything Hazelden publishes, our bibliotherapeutic materials support our mission and the Twelve Step philosophy upon which it is based. We encourage your comments and feedback. The headquarters of the Hazelden Foundation are in Center City, Minnesota. Additional treatment facilities are located in Chicago, Illinois; New York, New York; Plymouth, Minnesota; St. Paul, Minnesota; and West Palm Beach, Florida. At these sites, we provide a continuum of care for men and women of all ages. Our Plymouth facility is designed specifically for youth and families. For more information on Hazelden, please call 1-800-257-7800. Or you may access our World Wide Web site on the Internet at http://www.hazelden.org. Page vii Contents 1 1 The Wall Between 2 11 Visible And Invisible Boundaries 3 26 Context 4 49 Your Physical Boundaries 5 62 Your Emotional Boundaries 6 76 Assorted Boundaries 7 86 Boundary Violations 8 99 Intimacy 9 118 Mending Wall 10 131 A Special Letter To Overeaters 11 133 Good Fences Appendix 134 Page viii Good fences make good neighbors Robert Frost Page 1 Chapter One The Wall Between Laura's Story I was born a month premature. In those days, preemies were put in an incubator and left alone. In my imagination, armed with what I've gleaned from years of therapy, I can return to those first days. What I see first looks like a tunnel with a clear roof. I am looking up through the incubator. A bright light shines all the time. The walls beyond are plain and white. I feel cut off from everyone and don't know who I belong to. The only time I am touched is to be cleaned. Recently, I asked my mother how much she held me those weeks we were still in the hospital after my birth. "Why, I held you all the time!" she said. "How much?" I insisted. All the time was not my memory. "Why, whenever they'd let me." "How often was that?" I persisted. "I held you every time they brought you to me to be fed," she said. "Twenty minutes, three times a day." An hour a day my first three weeks of life. My baby self knew that wasn't nearly enough. That touch deprivation continued. When I was six months old my father left my mother, so she left me with my grandparents and took off. My grandparents were not the most demonstrative people in the world. Maybe I saw them kiss each other once in all the years I lived with them. Me, they never touched.
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