Body-to-body intimacy : transformation through love, sex, and neurobiology

216 Pages·2019·1.668 MB·English

by  Resnick, Stella

“Stella Resnick has written an invaluable and insightful book that addresses
the important issues of the real relationship and that the mind, brain and
body are one. Her well-written approach is positive, and the book highly
detailed and well researched. She has a positive and healing vision which
successfully integrates couples therapy and sex therapy. Dr. Resnick has
brought back the concept of ‘corrective emotional experience’ and e ffectively
weaves the current thinking about attachment theory and interpersonal
neurobiology into couples and sex therapy. I highly recommend this book
for anyone interested in relationships.”
—Walter E. Brackelmanns, MD, Professor of Psychiatry,
Director, Couples and Sex Therapy Training Program,
David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA
“Filled with the integrative wisdom of a seasoned relationships therapist,
Stella Resnick’s new book weaves together interpersonal neurobiology,
somatic awareness of the mind-body connection, and attachment dynamics
within the couple. Dr. Resnick’s emphasis on present-centered experiential
processes highlights ways that therapists can access our own body-based
wisdom to help couples drop beneath their words to recognize and learn
from the deeper meanings in their non-verbal, implicit communications.”
—Bonnie Goldstein, PhD, Lifespan Psychological Center Director,
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, Teaching Faculty
“Stella Resnick, author of the classic The Pleasure Zone, has done it again! She
has created a compelling case for the need to integrate mind and body, past
and present, the individual and the relational in sex and couples t herapies.
Recommended strongly for novices and the experienced therapist.”
—Peggy J. Kleinplatz, PhD, Professor and Director of
Sex and Couples Therapy, University of Ottawa; editor of
New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives
“In this new book, Stella Resnick, a highly regarded expert on human
sexuality and relationships, uses a vast range of research to create her
own model of dealing with sexual concerns and issues. She integrates the
Gestalt approach with those of Maslow, Reich, and even Freud. But what
is most interesting is her attention to the right brain, describing the large,
often unacknowledged role of the sensory, emotional, and kinesthetic in all
relationships. At the end, it is her ability to add her wisdom, compassion,
and joy to this endeavor, which makes this book so important for all
therapists and practitioners.”
—Joseph Melnick, PhD, founding editor of Gestalt Review,
Co-Chair of the Cape Cod Training Program,
Gestalt International Study Center
“Resnick’s work on couple’s sex therapy is arguably one of the most
important contributions to body psychotherapy for couples in recent
years. It leverages the experiential wisdom of her Gestalt orientation that
is endowed by c ontemporary neurobiology. This book will help f oster
embodied intimacy through a contemporary relational approach, and
invites us all to e xperience a greater, more playful and creative form of love.”
—Christopher Walling, PsyD, MBA, President,
United States Association for Body Psychotherapy
“With a laser focus on the body/mind connection, Resnick’s Embodied
Relational Sex Therapy model is an integrated system directing therapists
to work with the couple as a living, breathing entity, instead of a problem
to be solved. Incorporating cutting-edge neuroscience with Resnick’s years
of experience and wisdom, this multi-faceted approach situates dyadic
regulation where it belongs – between the couple—to create deep empathy
and change. This book is a ‘must read’ for the modern couple/sex therapist!”
—Alexandra Katehakis, PhD, founder of Center for Healthy Sex,
author of Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Meditations on
Emotional and Erotic Intelligence
“Finally, a professional book has arrived that details the primacy of sex-
ual issues to emotional intimacy! Stella Resnick’s latest book, Body-to-Body
Intimacy, provides couples and sex therapists with everything they need to
know about sex but either have been afraid to ask or not known where to
get answers. Just as the body is inseparable from the mind, so too is couples
therapy inseparable from sex therapy.”
—Terry Marks-Tarlow, PhD, author of Clinical Intuition in
Psychotherapy; Awakening Clinical Intuition;
Truly Mindful Coloring; and Psyche’s Veil
“This is an important book. Dr. Resnick brings a wealth of knowledge of
individual and couples therapy, neuroscience and developmental theory,
and brings all of these to her work with couples experiencing difficulties
in their sexual relating. The most important aspect of her work is that
she does not separate out couples therapy and sex therapy, seeing them
as inextricably linked.”
—Peter Phillipson, MSc, author of The Emergent Self:
An Existential-Gestalt Approach, Gestalt Institute of Manchester, UK
“This brilliant book by Dr. Stella Resnick is a ‘must read’ for all who are
interested in the intersection of sex therapy with couple counseling.
Dr. Resnick uses pieces of her personal story and illuminating clinical
examples to illustrate her holistic approach to relational healing—an
approach which combines the latest findings in the neurobiology of
attachment, with positive psychology, sex therapy, and Gestalt therapy.”
—Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP, Gestalt Therapy Institute of
New York trainer, author of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid
Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety
“In this well-written, engrossing, and trailblazing book, Dr. Stella Resnick
integrates a wealth of data from diverse fields of science into her d ecades
of experience as a therapist to expand upon our understanding of the
transformative power of pleasure in achieving sensual intimacy. It is destined
to become a classic in the study of sexual and relational dynamics and in the
practice of couples and sex therapy across multiple disciplines.”
—Carol Cassell, PhD, former health scientist with the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention and author of Put Passion First:
Why Sexual Chemistry is the Key to Lasting Love
“Stella Resnick is a dedicated genius of collaborative exploration. Her
new book, Body-to-Body Intimacy, creatively integrates neuroscience,
Gestalt psychology, life experience, couples and sex therapy. It instructs
those seeking relationship to resist the trigger, ignore the knee jerk, live
for moments of presence. Dr. Resnick shows how to ride the wave of right
brain to right brain communion. She is a pleasure activist who convinces us
pleasure can make us better.”
—Susan E. Stiritz, MBA, PhD, MSW, President-elect, American
Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists,
(AASECT), Associate Professor of Practice Chair, The Brown School
Washington University in St. Louis
“Stella Resnick has broken new ground with her alchemical integration
of the seminal ingredients that will help our clients to repair the damage
from their sexual wounds and seize the opportunity for sexual healing and
pleasure fulfillment. Professionals of all backgrounds will find this a readable,
thought-provoking, evidence-steeped paradigm shift, worthy of acclaim.”
—Patti Britton, PhD, co-author of Designing and
Leading a Successful SAR and co-founder of SexCoachU.com
“Stella Resnick presents an integrated, comprehensive, and n eurobiologically
informed fresh approach to therapy, distilling a brilliant career as a Gestalt
couples and sex therapist. Finally, we can stop separating the emotional,
sexual, and relational when we practice therapy—transferring people from
one provider to another. This is the book the field has been waiting for.
Every therapist needs to read this book!”
—Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD, author of Sex, God and the
Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy
“Sexuality is ubiquitous but it’s astounding how little we know about
the intertwining of relational intimacy and sexual expression. Shame,
insufficient personal exploration, and inadequate training in this vital realm
of treatment restrict the therapist in the quest to help others. Dr. Resnick’s
personal wisdom journey through the deepest realms of the heart, the spirit,
the psyche and human sexuality make this a riveting book.”
—Susan Warren Warshow, LCSW, Founder, DEFT Institute
“Stella Resnick’s new book, Body-to-Body Intimacy gives therapists a
powerful theoretical, and skills training model; one that will positively
enhance working with clients in couples and sex therapy. Her work deserves
serious time for consideration, digestion, discussion, and application. This
is a remarkably important work and a reflection of a lifetime journey of
discovery.”
—Melvyn S. Kimura Bucholtz, MA, Invited Lecturer on Psychology,
Harvard University Medical School; Boston University
School of Biobehavioral Medicine
“Dr. Resnick’s latest book, Body-to-Body Intimacy, delineates her approach
to couples and sex therapy. She skillfully utilizes research from interper-
sonal neurobiology, sexology, positive psychology, and Gestalt therapy, to
demonstrate how pleasure and body-to-body intimacy can lead to a closer
and more dynamic relationship. Body-to-Body Intimacy will be a valuable
resource for any therapist engaging in couples and sex therapy.”
—Herb Samuels, PhD, Past President, The Society for
the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS)
Body-to-Body Intimacy
This book presents an integrative, growth-oriented approach to therapy
with couples that demonstrates the dynamic interplay between partners’
emotional issues and their sexual difficulties. It offers a model for relational
and sexual enhancement that focuses as much on partners’ present,
nonverbal body-to-body communications as on their words. Dr. Stella
Resnick draws on research from interpersonal neurobiology, sexology,
positive psychology, and Gestalt therapy, and shares a rich assortment of
therapy vignettes to demonstrate the transformative power of pleasure and
how a focus on body-to-body intimacy can heal emotional wounds from
the past and encourage greater presence, empathy, authenticity, playfulness,
and sexual pleasure between intimate partners.
The therapeutic process is explored in four related spectrums: the
Problem-Transformation Spectrum, the Attachment-Sexuality Spectrum, the
Pain-Pleasure Spectrum, and the Cognitive-Somatic-Experiential-Behavioral
Spectrum. Part I lays the theoretical foundation for the work. Part II
examines the early attachment bond between parent and child and its
effects on adult capacity for emotional closeness and sexual pleasure. Part
III offers methods for resolving painful emotional issues underlying many
sexual difficulties. Finally, Part IV describes the procedure for moving
from a cognitive reframing of the problem to a somatic focus on the body
and tracking present-moment emotional interactions to the repair of
relational injuries that nurture transformational change. Also included is
a series of process-oriented exercises and a handout that therapists can
use in their own practice.
Body-to-Body Intimacy will enable couples and sex therapists to expand
their practices and enrich their clients’ sexual and relational dynamics. This
book also contains valuable information that will be appreciated by anyone
interested in a greater understanding of a growth-oriented therapeutic
process for couples and what can be achieved together by gaining a deeply
loving and sexually fulfilling intimate love relationship.
Stella Resnick, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in couples and
sex therapy in Beverly Hills, California. She is an AASECT-certified sex
therapist and supervisor who trains therapists and leads couples retreats at
Esalen Institute and other centers around this country and abroad.

Body-to-Body Intimacy
Transformation Through Love, Sex,
and Neurobiology
Stella Resnick
First published 2019
by Routledge
711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017
and by Routledge
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Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2019 Stella Resnick
The right of Stella Resnick to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in
accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. The purchase of this copyright material confers the right on the purchasing
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or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or
otherwise, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and
are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Resnick, Stella, 1939– author.
Title: Body-to-body intimacy : transformation through love, sex, and neurobiology/Stella Resnick.
Description: New York, NY : Routledge, 2019. | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018013901| ISBN 9781138123892 (hardcover : alk. paper) |
ISBN 9781138123908 (pbk. : alk. paper) | ISBN 9781315648552 (e-book)
Subjects: LCSH: Sex therapy. | Couples psychotherapy. | Couples—Sexual behavior. | Intimacy
(Psychology)
Classification: LCC RC557. R47 2019 | DDC 616.89/1562—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018013901
ISBN: 978-1-138-12389-2 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-1-138-12390-8 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-315-64855-2 (ebk)
Typeset in Minion
by Apex CoVantage, LLC
Visit the eResources site: www.routledge.com/9781138123908
For Alan
My body-to-body healing soul mate whose love has taught
me more about loving than all my research.
For Fritz and Laura
I am forever grateful for their presence in my life and for the timeless
beauty of Gestalt therapy that has inspired so much of my own
growth and creativity