Being a Rockefeller, becoming myself: a memoir

292 Pages·2013·17.36 MB·English

by  Eileen Rockefeller

Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA), 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

USA • Canada • UK • Ireland • Australia • New Zealand • India • South Africa • China Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80
Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England For more information about the Penguin Group visit penguin.com Copyright © 2013 by Eileen
Rockefeller Growald All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic
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Published simultaneously in Canada Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Rockefeller, Eileen, date.
Being a Rockefeller, becoming myself : a memoir / Eileen Rockefeller.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-10161562-1
1. Rockefeller, Eileen. 2. Women philanthropists—United States—Biography. 3. Philanthropists—United States—Biography. 4. Rich
people—United States—Biography. 5. Rockefeller, David, 1915–.—Family. 6. Rockefeller, John D. (John Davison), 1839–1937—
Family. 7. Rockefeller family. I. Title.
HV28.R546A3 2013 2013015407
361.7'4092—dc23
[B]
Penguin is committed to publishing works of quality and integrity. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this book to our readers;
however, the story, the experiences, and the words are the author’s alone.
To my grandmother Abby Aldrich Rockefeller,
who gave me the dream of becoming myself,
and to Paul, my beloved husband,
for standing by my side every inch of the way
Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Author’s Note: The Presence of Peonies

1. THE STORY I DIDN’T WANT TO TELL
2. WELCOME HOME
3. SETTING THE STAGE
4. FIRST LOSS
5. FEELING DIFFERENT AS A FAMILY
6. THE SMALLEST COUNT
7. “YOU SHOT THE RABBITS?”
8. MAID TO ORDER
9. A SAFE HARBOR
10. STAYING AFLOAT
11. A PLACE TO RELAX
12. JAGGED EDGES
13. THROUGH A DOOR IN THE WOODS
14. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE YOU START
15. PULLING TOGETHER
16. MUSIC LESSONS
17. CULTIVATING LOVE
18. YOU CAN LEAD THEM TO THE WATER . . .
19. ROADBLOCKS
20. GRADUATING
21. GIFTS GIVEN
22. LEARNING RESILIENCE
23. GEORGIA O’KEEFFE SPEAKS
24. MALE MENTORS
25. DREAMING MY HUSBAND
26. THE FIRST YEARS
27. GORILLA ON MY SHOULDER
28. TIME FOR BEING
29. LAUNCHING THE MIND/BODY FIELD
30. AT THE FOOT OF THE LADDER
31. IN THE FIRE
32. DANCING AMONG THE STARS
33. PRIMAL PARENTING
34. A GOOD CHRISTMAS
35. WORKING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
36. I WOULDN’T ADMIT IT IF I WERE YOU
37. IN THE NEST OF MY HEART
38. PUTTING THE HEART INTO PRACTICE
39. TEARING DOWN THE FENCE
40. CLEANING HOUSE
41. PASSING THE TORCH
42. PLANTING SEEDS
43. OUT OF THE CANYON
44. COURAGE
45. ONE LAST LOOK

Photographs
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Author’s Note: The Presence of Peonies
Each fall my peonies collapse, flattening to the ground like tired ballerinas.
Without a sound they surrender their youthful beauty to the cold. By the time
snow covers them they have disintegrated and started turning back into soil. It is
hard to remember them as blowsy hedges around our circle drive.
Six months later, when spring arrives, the plants send up new shoots as fast
as the birds return. Their leafy abundance, flouncing pink and white flower
heads in the breeze, catches my breath mid-step.
For me, awareness is like this. It awakens naturally from its dormant state. I
still remind myself to let it grow in its own time.
When I was a child I thought the duration of a meaningful experience or the
length of time I knew someone was in direct proportion to its impact. I have
been surprised by this misconception, having often experienced the opposite.
The school I spent the least time attending shaped my life the most. A woman I
once spent only one week with as a teenager still influences the way I listen to
others.
Sometimes I find awareness in a single flower petal. If I stop to savor the
spoon of its creamy flesh, the whole day blossoms, just like a peony.
1.
T S I D W T
HE TORY IDN’T ANT TO ELL
J
ohn D. Rockefeller was my great-grandfather. For years, my siblings and I
tried to keep this a secret because his name created such a buzz. Adulation,
judgment, envy, and endless curiosity flew around us like a swarm of bees. I was
afraid of the sting. People saw us as different, and that set us apart. Their
preconception of my family as akin to royalty contributed to my sense of
isolation and loneliness.
I live with anxiety and gratitude, just like the generations of Rockefellers
before me. Without anxiety and the desire to heal it, I would not be writing this
story.
The physical comforts and circumstances of my life were undeniably
different from most people’s. I grew up in big houses with lots of servants. I was
given an allowance that could probably be considered large, and I went to school
in a chauffeur-driven limousine. We called it the “hearse” or “curse” because,
before the oldest ones left for boarding school, we needed a car large enough to
carry all six of us. It had two jump seats in back. My siblings and I (and, it turns
out, my cousins, too) jumped out a block or two before we arrived at school so
we could walk up to the door just like everyone else. We tried to hide who we
were because we wanted to fit in, and also because my mother trained us not to
stand out.
As an heir to the Rockefeller legacy I have found that real richness and
power comes not from the amount of money but from our connection to
ourselves and one another. I am just as much “Eileen” as I am “Rockefeller.” I
struggle with my weight. I am getting more lines in my face every year. I have
fights with my husband, I get really impatient when I have to wait for a long
time in the grocery or gas line, and I hate going through airport security. Sound