Attraction Isn't A Choice

169 Pages·2013·1.25 MB·English

Personalized For:
: : : 2 : : :

Attraction Isn‟t
A Choice
By David DeAngelo

©2004, All Rights Reserved

Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 3 : : :

The Bad Guy Notice:

This book is copyright 2004 with all rights reserved. It is illegal to
copy, distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part,
or to contribute to the copying, distribution, or creating of derivative works of
this book. Here is the statement on my website reprinted for your reference:

"©2004, All Rights Reserved. If you try to copy, steal, or distribute all or any part of my
book or this web page without permission, I will have my attorney contact you and make
you wish that you'd never had such a stupid idea in your life. Count on it.

By purchasing this book, you agree to the following: You understand that the
information contained on this page and in this book is an opinion, and it should be used
for personal entertainment purposes only. You are responsible for your own behavior,
and none of this book is to be considered legal or personal advice."

And I expect you to abide by these rules. I regularly and actively search the
Internet for people who violate my copyrights. Now that we're finished with
the bad guy notice, let's learn about how to be successful with women...

Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 4 : : :

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction .......................................................9
Seducing Women Feels Manipulative ................................................... 2

Part 1: Attraction Isn‟t A Choice ............................14

Chapter 1: Attraction Isn‟t A Choice .......................15
An Open Letter From A Lonely, Beautiful Woman To Herself …………..... 15
Meeting Women Isn‘t Magic ............................................................. 16
The Power Of Attraction .................................................................. 17
Attraction Is Selfish ........................................................................ 18
Men, Women, And Attraction ........................................................... 18
My Concept Of Attraction ................................................................ 20
An Exercise To Help You Start Thinking Differently .............................. 22
My Quick Take On Relationships........................................................ 23
From The Mailbag ........................................................................... 24
Following Common Social Courtesy Is Bad For Attraction ..................... 27
Filters And Amplifiers ...................................................................... 28
Women Use Clues To Generalize ...................................................... 29
Do You Get It Or Not? ..................................................................... 30
From The Mailbag ........................................................................... 32

Chapter 2: Preparing for Change ........................... 34
The Center Of The Universe Misconception ......................................... 34
Women Aren‘t The Center Of The Universe ....................................... 34
YOU CAN be Successful with Women ................................................. 36
The Secret Excuse .......................................................................... 36
Your Excuse Isn‘t As Much Of A ―Secret‖ As You Think ......................... 37
It Doesn‘t Work the Way You Think It Does ....................................... 39
Living In an Ideal World .................................................................. 39
The Nice Guy‘s ‗Real-Self‘ is ‗Real Manipulation‘................................... 40
You Meet Her Persona First .............................................................. 42
We Think Women Are Attracted the Same Way We Are ....................... 43
Elusive Obvious: What They Actually Want Is Already In You ............... 43
REMEMBER… It‘s OK to Be a Man ..................................................... 44
Limiting Beliefs And Change ............................................................ 45
Fear of Failure and Not Taking Action ................................................ 45
Fearing Failure on the Approach ....................................................... 46
Fearing the Unknown ...................................................................... 48
Abundance and Scarcity .................................................................. 48
Taking Rejection Personally ............................................................. 50
Competing With Other Guys ............................................................ 51
Infinite Justice ............................................................................... 51
Fear And The Kiss Test ................................................................... 52
The Sex Obligation ......................................................................... 52
Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 5 : : :

Preparing for Change: Positive Mindsets Bring Improvement ................ 52
Lots of Preparation for a Few Key Moments ........................................ 52
You CAN ―Get It‖ ............................................................................ 53
Default Behavior vs. Taking Charge .................................................. 53
Speed of Implementation ................................................................ 54
Updating Patterns ......................................................................... 55
Updating Your Pattern for Talking to Attractive Women ....................... 56
Fear ............................................................................................. 57
Expecting Instant Gratification ......................................................... 58
Natural Variation And Success Patterns ............................................. 59
Avoiding Averages .......................................................................... 59
Decision Leadership ........................................................................ 60

Chapter 3: The Evolution and Biology of Attraction .... 61
3.1 HOW ATTRACTION CAN BE ILLOGICAL ............................................. 61
The Triune Brain ............................................................................ 61
Internal Mental Power Struggles ....................................................... 63
Attraction As A Complex ―Chemical Reaction‖...................................... 64
3.2 WHY ATTRACTION IS ILLOGICAL & WHAT DOES ATTRACT WOMEN
......................................................................................................... 65
Replicators .................................................................................... 65
The ―Mating Mind‖ .......................................................................... 66
The Economics of Sex ..................................................................... 67
The ‗Keep-Him‘ Strategy ................................................................ 68
Why Women Cheat ........................................................................ 68
Competition in Sexual Evolution ....................................................... 69
Attraction, at Last ......................................................................... 70
3.3 ATTRACTIVE MEN .......................................................................... 72
Ethology and the Study of Animals ................................................... 72
You Must Trigger The Attraction ....................................................... 73
Tastes Good, Not Good For You ........................................................ 74
The Animal Inside .......................................................................... 74
The Pre-Programmed Man Archetype Homing Mechanism .................... 75
3.4 LET GO OF EVOLUTIONARY HANG-UPS ............................................. 76
We Can Change and Reprogram Ourselves ........................................ 76
Competition ................................................................................... 76
Remembering and Fearing Failures Over Successes ............................ 77

Part 2: Creating Attraction .....................................78

Chapter 4: The Hidden Languages Of Attraction ........ 79
Secret Languages And ―The Matrix‖ .................................................. 79
Finding Hidden Patterns .................................................................. 79
Unspoken Languages ...................................................................... 80
The Universal Language .................................................................. 81
The Language of Secret Societies ..................................................... 84
The Series of Key Languages and How to Approach Them..................... 85
Body Language .............................................................................. 86
Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 6 : : :

Posture ......................................................................................... 87
…Slow and Calculated Movements and Gestures ................................. 87
The Most Powerful Secret Language: Innate Body Language ................ 88
The Hidden Language of Eye Contact ................................................ 88
Communicating with Tone of Voice ................................................... 89
The Secret Language of Cocky Comedy.............................................. 90
You Can‘t Always Spell It Out For Her ............................................... 91
The Tension and Energy of Two Magnets Wrapped by a Rubber
Band ............................................................................................ 92
The Secret Language of Sex ............................................................ 92
The Secret Language of Flirting and Sexual Chemistry ......................... 95
The Usual And The Unusual ............................................................. 96
The Strength To Be Yourself ............................................................ 97
The Hidden Language of Self-Confidence............................................ 98
You Don‘t Have to Agree with Rejection ............................................. 99
Beliefs to Express Through Hidden Languages................................... 100

Chapter 5: Building Attraction ...............................103
Social Proof ................................................................................ 103
The Value of Social Proof .............................................................. 103
Connecting to Social Proof ............................................................. 104
How Do You Make Someone Want Something? ................................. 106
Becoming an Addiction .................................................................. 107
The Obsession Formula ................................................................. 108
Playing Hard to Get ...................................................................... 109
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back ................................................ 110
Give Her Just a Taste .................................................................... 112
Give Her the Gift of Missing You .................................................... 112

Chapter 6: Attitude and Composure .......................113
The Attitude ................................................................................ 113
Why Women Date Bartenders and Other Players ............................... 113
The Attitude Is Behind the Words ................................................... 114
James Bond Never Whines ............................................................. 115
Be the Leader .............................................................................. 115
Being Focused on your Goals is Attractive ........................................ 116
Do but Don‘t Care ......................................................................... 116
James Bond Doesn‘t Get Upset ....................................................... 117
Dealing with Tests and Challenges................................................... 117
James Bond Doesn‘t Rush Things .................................................... 118
The Attitude Has Mystery, Tension .................................................. 119
Women in Demand are Demanding ................................................. 120
The Attitude May Sometimes Be a Burden ........................................ 121
Summary of the Attitude ............................................................... 121

Chapter 7: Most Guys Do Exactly the Wrong Thing When They
Date Attractive Women ...................................... 123
The Way Of The Wuss ................................................................... 123
Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 7 : : :

Why This Pattern Happens the Way It Does ..................................... 123
Why Women Run Once the Submissive ―Nice Guy‖ Appears ................ 124
Mistaking Affection for Attraction .................................................... 125
Attraction and Being Nice .............................................................. 125
Affection vs. Attraction .................................................................. 126
Affection‘s EXPECTED, Attraction‘s EXCITING ................................... 126
Remember: Attraction Isn‘t A Choice ............................................... 127
Adapting Wuss Behavior Into Attractive Behavior .............................. 127
Translating Between Affection and Attraction .................................... 127
Romance ..................................................................................... 128
Buying Gifts Is Formulaic, Not Romantic .......................................... 128
Don‘t Misuse Romance ................................................................. 129
Romance Doesn‘t Create Attraction, It Amplifies Existing Attraction ..... 130
Trying to Impress Her Reveals You‘re Attracted To Her ...................... 132
The Right Conflict Can Create Attraction .......................................... 132
Women LIKE Drama, It Keeps Them Attracted .................................. 132
Turn Regular Conversation Into Flirtation ......................................... 132
Never Give Women Exactly What They Want .................................... 133
Summing It All Up ........................................................................ 135
Women Aren‘t Attracted to Guys They Perceive as Average ................ 135

Part 3: Turning It UP ......................................... 138

Chapter 8: Don‟t Bore Her! ................................. 139
Boring Men Aren‘t Attractive .......................................................... 139
Why Wusses Bore Women ............................................................. 139
Don‘t Be Predictable ..................................................................... 140
Be Different Instead ...................................................................... 141
To Get From Affection to Attraction, Play Hard To Get ........................ 142
Avoid Boring Conversation ............................................................. 143
So What Do You Say? ................................................................... 144
Humor Technique: Fake Drama ...................................................... 144
Responding Correctly to Real Drama From a Woman ......................... 144
Reframe Ass Kissers ..................................................................... 145
Talk About Sex ............................................................................. 145
Read Clues .................................................................................. 146
Be Mysterious .............................................................................. 147

Chapter 9: Cocky Comedy In Detail ........................ 148
Cocky Comedy ............................................................................. 148
What Cocky Comedy Communicates ............................................... 149
Why Does Cocky Comedy Attract Women? ....................................... 149
It‘s Cocky BALANCED With Comedy ................................................ 149
How to Create Cocky Comedy ........................................................ 150
Examples Of Cocky Comedy ........................................................... 151
My Personal Favorite Cocky Comedy Standards ................................ 152
Using Cocky Comedy To Beat Tests ................................................. 153
Exercise: Cocky Comedy ............................................................... 153
Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 8 : : :

Remember That Cocky Comedy Is Desired When Unacknowledged
.................................................................................................. 153
Don‘t Cave In and Collapse—Continue Building with Cocky Comedy
.................................................................................................. 153
Overdoing It ................................................................................ 154
Balancing Ball Busting With Regular Conversation.............................. 154
Flirting ........................................................................................ 155
Flirt From The Very Start ............................................................... 156
An Example ................................................................................. 157
Practicing .................................................................................... 157
From The Mailbag ......................................................................... 158

Chapter 10: Frequently Asked Questions …............... 161
I Just Got My First Email Address... What Do I Do Now?‖ ................... 161
How Long Should I Wait? ............................................................... 161
What Should I Do If She Doesn‘t Call Back? ..................................... 162
Should I Take Her Out To Dinner? ................................................... 163
I Have This Girl That's Been A Friend For 47 Years… How Do I Get
Her To Feel Attracted To Me? ......................................................... 164
How Do I Handle Competition From Other Guys? .............................. 165
Should I Date More Than One Woman? ........................................... 165
"How Do I Come Off As The Most Romantic Guy In The World, But
Only Have Chicks Be Interested In Me For Short Term Sex? ............... 166

The End .......................................................... 167

Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 9 : : :

Introduction

Hey, its David D. here and this is your very own personalized copy of my
Attraction Isn’t A Choice eBook - so please make sure you keep it all to
yourself.

If you have any questions, please go to:
http://www.DoubleYourDating.com/contact.html and my awesome support
team will be happy to help you out. Just provide either your order code or the
email address you used during purchasing, as displayed below:

Order Code:

Email Address:

Now, onto the good stuff…

A hundred years ago Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology,
said that there was one question that he couldn‘t answer: ―What do women
want?‖ My opinion is that old Sigmund was asking the wrong question. He was
thinking about the situation all wrong. The question isn‘t ―What do women
want?‖, but ―What do women RESPOND to?‖

Everyone knows that if you ask a woman ―What do you want in a guy?‖
she‘ll answer with something like, ―I want a NICE guy who comes from a good
family… honest, stable, dependable… etc.‖ Right? But we also know that a lot
of really attractive women on this planet seem to be found with guys who are
exactly the opposite. Let‘s look at some of the top models of all time. Why is it
that all the super-models seem to date violent, drug-addicted, unstable, wild
rock stars? And why is it that every attractive woman that has ever been
interviewed in history has admitted to being attracted to ―bad boys‖? I think
you get the picture.

My point is that there‘s a HUGE difference between what women say they
want and what women are attracted to. Women have many conflicting drives
going on inside. And in many cases women RESPOND to completely illogical
things – which are often very different than what they say that they ―want‖.
The question that I am going to attempt to solve in this book is, ―How can I
make women feel this attraction that they feel for ‗bad boys‘ without having to
be an abusive jerk?‖

When I first started studying this particular area, I was really fascinated
with this concept of women liking jerks but not ―nice‖ guys. It has always
struck me as very interesting… even from a young age. When I was younger, I
never had any success with girls.

Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved
: : : 10 : : :

In middle school and high school, I wasn't one of the kids that got notes
from girls. I didn't socialize with girls at the dances. And I never had a
girlfriend (I know... boo-hoo for me).

I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 18. I always just kind of
assumed that I wasn't attractive to women and just silently worshipped them
from afar. I'll tell you, back then I would have done ANYTHING to have a
girlfriend. But the more years that went by without one, the less likely it
seemed.

In any event, I met a girl when I was 18... She was unstable and came
from the most bizarre, dysfunctional alcoholic family... and was just the co-
dependent, needs-a-guy-to-"save"-her project that I thought I wanted.

Well, over the next 8 or 9 years I had about 5 or 6 girlfriends. They were
mostly great women, but I now realize that I got into relationships with them
because I DIDN'T THINK THAT I HAD ANY OTHER OPTIONS.

Whenever I was single, I always had a very lonely, insecure feeling that
created desperation to find a woman who would be with me. Then, when I
found one, I would cling to them instantly, hoping that they would love me.

Then I moved to Southern California to be closer to the company for which
I worked. Shortly after, I quit that job, and I broke up with my long-distance
girlfriend.

So here I was, in my late 20‘s, in a new place with no friends and no
girlfriend... with that same lonely, unsure feeling that I always got when I was
single.

I made the decision that it was time to get this part of my life handled. I
wanted to figure out how to be successful with women and dating so that I
wouldn't be so insecure anymore.

I didn't like the idea that I could be out in public, see a woman that I'd like
to meet, but have no idea what to do to meet her. I didn't like the idea that I
had to feel fortunate when a woman liked me... but that I had no control over
which women liked me and when I could approach them.

So, being the kind of guy I am, I decided to do something about it once
and for all.

I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do whatever it took to
get this handled. I started reading books, going to seminars, listening to
tapes, and searching the Internet for ideas.

At first, I was excited because there seemed to be quite a bit of good
books available on the topic. But the more techniques I tried, the more I
Attraction Isn‘t A Choice by David DeAngelo ©2004, All Rights Reserved