An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal' PDF
Preview An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'
An Adult Child's Guide to What Is title: "Normal" author: Friel, John C.; Friel, Linda D. publisher: Health Communications, Inc. isbn10 | asin: print isbn13: 9781558740907 ebook isbn13: 9780585111025 language: English Adult children of alcoholics--Rehabilitation, Adult children of narcotic addicts-- subject Rehabilitation, Adult children of dysfunctional families--Rehabilitation. publication date: 1990 lcc: HV5132.F753 1990eb ddc: 362.29/13 Adult children of alcoholics--Rehabilitation, Adult children of narcotic addicts-- subject: Rehabilitation, Adult children of dysfunctional families--Rehabilitation. Page i An Adult Child's Guide To What Is "Normal" John C. Friel, Ph.D. Linda D. Friel, M.A., C.C.D.P. Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield Beach, Florida Page ii John C. Friel, Ph.D. Linda D. Friel, M.A. Friel & Associates/Lifeworks St. Paul, Minnesota Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Date Friel, John C. An Adult Child's Guide to what is "normal" John C. Friel, Linda D. Friel. p. c.m. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 1-55874-090-2 1. Adult children of alcoholics Rehabilitation. 2. Adult chil- dren of narcotic addicts Rehabilitation. 3. Adult children of dysfunctional families Rehabilitation. I. Friel, Linda D. II. Title. III. Title: Dysfunctional families. HV5132.F753 1990 90-4754 362.29' 13dc20 CIP ISBN 1-55874-090-2 © 1990 John C. Friel and Linda D. Friel All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc. 3201 S.W. 15th Street Deerfield Beach, FL 33442-8190 Cover design by Graphic Expressions Page iii DEDICATION This book is dedicated to our children, Kristin, Rebecca and David, whose lives and growth and healing make us feel eternally grateful; and to the hundreds of clients, workshop participants and letter-writers who have shared their recoveries with us and who have thanked us for our work. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS We would like to thank all of the professionals, clients and friends who have touched our lives over the years, as they shared their pain and joy with us and allowed us to share our pain and joy with them. Special thanks to Gary Seidler, Peter Vegso, Michael Miller, Luann Jarvie, Suzanne Smith, Reta Thomas, Edith Conner and Marie Stilkind for their support and encouragement of our work, help with our manuscript and for being there when we needed them. Health Communications and U.S. Journal Training, Inc., have reached a lot of folks out there over the years. Page iv Other Books By Authors Adult Children The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families Pamphlets Life On My Own Terms Co-dependency And Family Rules with Robert Subby Co-dependency And The Search For Identity with Robert Subby Page v ABOUT THE AUTHORS John C. Friel, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice in St. Paul, Minnesota; director of the St. Paul/Minneapolis Lifeworks Clinic, an intensive, short-term treatment program for Adult Child, Co- dependency, Addiction and Compulsivity issues; and adjunct associate professor of psychology at St. Mary's College Graduate Center in Minneapolis. Dr. Friel earned his B.A. in psychology from the University of San Francisco in 1969, and his Ph.D. in psychology from West Virginia University in 1976. He is a nationally recognized author, trainer, speaker and consultant in the areas of dysfunctional family systems, co-dependency, adult child issues, stress and addictions. A native of Marin County, California, Dr. Friel has lived in Minnesota since 1973. Linda D. Friel, M.A., C.C.D.P., is a psychologist in private practice, a therapist and trainer for the Lifeworks Clinic, and she designed and implemented one of the first hospital-based co-dependency treatment programs in the U.S. She specializes in psychotherapy for Adult Children, Co-dependency and Survivors of Physical and Sexual Abuse; and is also a nationally recognized author, trainer and consultant in the areas of dysfunctional families, co-dependency, adult child issues and addictions. A native of Minneapolis, Minnesota, Linda earned her B.A. from Mankato State University in 1971, taught special education classes for eight years and earned her M.A. in counseling and psychological services from St. Mary's College in Minnesota in 1980. The Friels have consulted with a wide range of hospitals, treatment centers, colleges, universities, corporations, small businesses, medical practices, law firms, nursing associations and government agencies in Minnesota, the rest of the United States and Canada. Page vii PREFACE This book takes off where our first book ended. In Adult Children: The Secrets Of Dysfunctional Families (Friel & Friel, 1988), we presented in depth the forces and themes and causes of family dysfunction and co-dependency. At the end of that book, we talked about recovery and what we can look forward to if we take the very big risk of trying to heal. As we continue our own recoveries and watch the recoveries of the many courageous clients with whom we work, we notice that there is a big gap in the literature ... that people get to a point where they have done a lot of scary work about their childhood traumas and have healed a lot, but then don't know where to go from there. People say, "Okay, I've done this early childhood work, but now what? I've worked through this dysfunction, but what is functional?" Janet Woititz perhaps stated it best when she said that adult children don't know what "normal" is (Woititz, 1983). We assume that what Woititz was implying by her elegant statement is that we adult children and co-dependents don't know what "healthy and functional" are. What is statistically normal, as we showed in our first book, is not necessarily healthy or func-
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