am not alone - Myster

61 Pages·2009·7.15 MB·English

Luc Sala
60
Friends
Who am I but my friends in me
Who are they but the Friend in me.
Then what about my enemy?
Who is he?
Who is she?
in me?
(cid:1)LucSala2009-Allcopyrights,alsoelectronicordigital,reserved.
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December13,2009marksmysixtiethbirthday.Timetoasses,evaluate,lookback
andmakeplansfortheautumnofmylife.Thislastyearhasbeenaturningpointin
manyways,asIhavemovedforatleast4monthsayeartoGermanyinanewplace,
whileatthesametimesayinggoodbyetomybusinesslocationfor20years,
wrappeduptheremainsofmysmallbusinessempire,letgoofmostofmystaffand
preparedforthisnewlife,awayfromAmsterdamandtheimmediatefamily,tobe
engagedwithAgnèsinwhatisawonderfulvillaandsmallspiritualworkshopand
conferencecenter.Itdoesn’tsoundnice,butitfeelsliketheplacewhereIwilldie
eventually,theplacewhereIwillspendthenext10,15,20yearsofmylife. Itfeels
good,breathsspace,luxuryandhasmanyopportunities,includingrunningitasa
B&Bifmoneyrunsout.Theenergyofthehouseissupportive,evenmagicallyso,
whateverweneedshowsup,therearenomajorproblemswiththeinstallationsso
far,everythingturnsouttobeexcellentqualityandwellmaintained,evenifabit
outofdate.Thehouse,from1953,hasahistoryandthereisthenotionthattheplace
hasmaybedeepunderthesurface,anotherpurpose,anagendaofitsown.
Thisnewplacebringstogethernotonlymymaterialpossessions,myarchives,hard
drives,serverandtheartandobjectsIhaveamassedindeedoverthelastthirty
years,butinfactmanyaspectsofmylife,mybusinesses,mediaactivitiesandspiri-
tualendeavors.SoitfeelsappropriatetotakestockofwhereIamnow,howIgot
thereandwhatseemstobethegeneralcoursesofarandintheforeseeablefuture.
Turning60isagoodmomenttotake
stockofmylife,whoIam,whatdrives
me,theessentialandperennialquestions
aboutpurpose,goals,existence,
expectationsandfrustrations.
Ihavehadagenerallyexcitingandhappy
life,Ifeelaluckyman.Greatpeople
alongtheroad,kidsthathavelanded
safelyandinspired,grandchildren,part-
nersthathavegivenmewhatIneeded
andmore.Ihavelittlecomplaints,no
needtoblameanybodyoranything,but
thereisaninnateneedtogrow,tode-
velop,toexperience,tomove.Some
wouldcallmerestless,othersenergetic,
andIdefinitelyamaseeker,ofexperi-
ences,contacts,people, thetruth,God
andthatquestofcourseboilsdownto
seekingoneself,theinnercoreofwhatI
am.
Withmygrandchildren,
LotteandIsabelle(dec2009)
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Sam’s koan
Who let the sun in
Final
Death is when we remember that we’re not alone
And so is life
And love
To die for the light
The secret of life is death
it has many names
it carries many fears
it comes in many forms
the sacred one is to surrender
to lighten the light
in dying for it
for the secret of death is life
Aim
In stating the goals of life
one can make endless list
about dreams of happiness
and the pursuit of wisdom
In the end
one is only left with humbleness
and the being in soul
Nothing exceeds living in the shadow of God’s love.
Doubt
Fighting the holy fight
loving the holy love
tripping the holy trip
How can we doubt
that there is direction
that our guidance is guided
that our struggle is worth it
even when
doubting the holy doubt
sinning the holy sin
and living the unholy life
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clean slate
Inmy60yearsIhavegatheredalotof
stuff,notonlyinthematerialsense,I
amrealhunter-gathererofstuffthat
liesunusedinthecellar,butIhavean
enormousamountofstories,anec-
dotes,accounts,insights,one-liners
andnotionsthatIhaveaggregated
overtime.Icouldcallthemmemories,
butIfearthatmyfilteringandprojec-
tions,andrestatingandrepeating
themovertimehaveturnedtheminto LucandsisterCinthe(1950)
abagfulloftapes.Amusing,insight-
ful,sometimesboring,usefultobreak
thesilence,attractattentionandimpresstheinnocent,butalsoanimpediment.Iam
astoryteller,araconteur,butwhenthestoriesgetdustyandlessacute,lessinthe
nowandlessrelevant,it’stimetoletgo.WhenIstartedwithmytelevisioncareer,I
lookedupatpeoplelikeTerenceMcKennawhocouldfillhoursandstillkeepthe
audiencecaptivated.Beinginfrontofacamera,IguessImusthavefilledsome400
hourswithmonologuesand thousandswithinterviews(andthatstuffwasre-
peated8timesduringadayofKleurnetTV). Igottheknackofjustgoingon,talk-
ingandtalking.Someofitmadesense,lookingbackonwhat’sonYoutubeandon
mindlift.tvIamamazedsometimes
aboutwhatIsay,butInoticethe
routineandtherepetition.Notonly
inmyself,manyolder“luminaries”
justruntapesandonceyounotice
that,itbecomesboring.
Sothisessayisakindofcleaningex-
ercise,tryingtowritedownthesto-
ries,tryingtodiscernthecoherence
inwhatIthinkIremember,explain
theconnectionsbetweenmyvarious
activities,avocationsandinterests.
Bywritingthemdown,IhopeIcan
breakawayfromthismentalluggage
andrefindsomefreshness,thesense
ofwonderthat achildhas,without
thelifelongmemorytrailthatsoeas-
ilybecomesanastyanddebilitating
shadowofthepast.It’sabsurdto
talkaboutanewstart,IamwhatI
am,butlettinggooftheoldstuff
mightbringnewperspectives.Clean-
1955 ingmyhouse,inotherwords,asone
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Mount Tamalpais
Between me and the mountain
only God knows
how much I need him
The mountain is but another mirror
of the same longing
equally unable to express itself
but in the being, praising out loud, silently.
Between me and the mountain
only God to enjoy
Love at arm’s length
For those who don’t know
For those that don’t feel
For those who are not
Them I can love
Unconditionally
FraternityOpus9 (1969)
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dreadfulperspectivesisbecomingan
oldman,endlesslyrepeatingthesame
oldstories.EvenasIamsettlingdown
insomeway,Iliketoliveinthenow
andthefutureratherthanthepast.A
futurewithless“ifonly”andmoreopen
towhatcomesmyway.
Changingtracks,reinventingoneselfis
whatmostofusdreamaboutandthat’s
atoughactforweliveinaworldwe
shapeandshapedourselves.Undoing
thatandcomingclosertotheinherent
substratumineachoneofusisthepath
andtheultimategoalofcreation.Let-
tinggoofallconditioningandcoming
hometooneself,theAtmanor inner-
mostSelf,thedivinecore,strippedofall
egoictendencies. Ilikethis “thouare
that/tattvamasi”(fromtheChandogya
Upanishad)whereIinterpret“that”as
theultimaterealityaswellastheper-
ceivedworld;youarewhatyouper-
ceive.Iknowthattherealimportant
eventsanddrama’sinmylifeweremy
ThekidsSala;Luc,Vincent,Cintheand
owndoing,buthowdoyougetridof
Berthu
thisselfperceivedandoftenself-created
realityimage?Lookingatoneself,being
oneself,IliketoplayabitwithShakespeare’sHamlet “tobeornottobethat,isthe
question,”inthefirstrenderings(Quarto’s)oftheHamlettextitevenreads “tobe
ornottobeIthere’sthepoint”.
Ihave,attimes,experiencedthategolessstateand
liketocomebacktothatexperience.Iknowitre-
quireslettinggoofallbeliefsandattachments,
andthisisatleastanattempttowritethem
down.MaybeIshouldthenburnit,foraclean
slatehasnoneedforabookorawebsite.
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hemes
Thereareafewrecurrentthemesthatemergedinmylifesofarandformepasteto-
getherallthoseactivities,plans,productionsandsearches.
• IamnotangrywithGod,thereisperfection
(cid:127) Betweenmeandthemountain,thereisbutGodtoenjoy
(cid:127) IamonlydifferentasIhavenotyetlearnttobethesame
(cid:127) Theinnerchildisdifferentfromthemask(personality)
(cid:127) Bothinnerchildandpersonalityhavemorelayers,theinnerchildhasa
divinecore(Atman)butalsolayersofdefenseandwoundedness
(cid:127) Ourlife’staskandpathisundoingtheprogrammingandreturningtothe
innerchildortrueself
(cid:127) Healing,magicandtruemysticismisonlypossiblewhenwecanconnect
withthatinnerself
(cid:127) Muchofpsychotherapydoesn’treachtheinnerchild;itjustmodifiesthe
maskandinfactlimitsthepossibilitiestoconnectwiththeinnerchild
(cid:127) ThedivineTrinityistranscendent,immanenceandemanating
(cid:127) Weareequaltoangels,demonsandUFO’sjustoperateinanotherdimension
(cid:127) Everythingismagical,thehardrealityofdailylifeandwhatweseeasthe
physicalworldisjustasubset.
(cid:127) Allisresonance,allismagic,tangiblerealityandphysicsisasubsetofthe
magic-all
(cid:127) Resonanceisthesecretofexistenceandtherootofmagic,correspondences
areresonancesofform,frequency(time),ideas,theyare interdimensional
communicationsorlinks
(cid:127) Alleventsareinfluencedbytheir“future-tail”; evolutionisrememberingthe
future
(cid:127) Wecanknoweverything,ataprice
(cid:127) Thesunandplanetsplayaroleinacosmicdramathatcenterson
consciousness
(cid:127) Gold(oragoldisotope)haseffectiverootsorconnectionsinother
dimensions
(cid:127) Fireisamajorforceinourlifeandevolutionanddeservesmoreappreciation
(Agni)
(cid:127) Themystical(andthusthereligions)comesinatleastsevenflavors,related
tothechakras
(cid:127) Health,food,digestionisquitedifferentfromintake.Youarewhatyou
digest,notwhatyoueat
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am not alone
ThefaithorshouldIsaydeepcertaintythatdeveloped,mostlysincesomefunda-
mentalexperiencesIhadinthesummerof1989isthatIamnotalone,thattheuni-
verseorGodhasapurposeforallandeverything,thatthereisdirectionand
meaninginthecreation.IamamanofGod,andthatstartedinthespringof1989as
aTarotReaderintheVillagetoldmemylifewouldchangeandIwouldbecomea
spiritualseeker.Shewasright,thatdidhappen,the“otherworld”openedupforme,
insuchabundanceandpersistencythatIcannotseemyselfasanythingbutabe-
liever,Ifeelguidedandprotected,theloveoftheuniversethatIcallGodisinme.
Thesequenceofeventsandsignsfollowingthatsoothsayingwereatrue“Mene,
mene,tekel,ufarsin’’,God’s warningIperceivedastellingmetochangemylife,
whichIdid.Iwentbackhomeandthensetouttoseekthetruth,theotherworld,
thedivine.Thequest seekingthesomethingIfeltwasthere,tookmetoplacesand
experienceslikethehighdesert,full-moonPelevolcanodivingintheHawaiian
oceanandCaliforniannewageculture.Ididpeakwithafirstmysticalpeakexperi-
enceinEsalen,butinfactwasaprocessthattookmonthsoftravelling,experiencing
andintrospection.
Ofcoursethefunnythingisthatmydaily
Oppositeisalistingofthemainthemes
life,thewayIbehave,dealwithmyself
inmywork,thethingsIidentifywithor
andothershas,onthesurface,not
indicatesomeunderstandingorinsight
changedverymuchsincethatrealization
thatcametome.Formostofthese
andthatwholeyearofawakening.Obvi-
themestherearenumerouswebpages,
ouslytheimprintIgotinmyearlyyears
theypopupinmypoems,books,articles,
hasremained,mybossynature(Iaman
TV-interviewsandvideoproductions,
enneagram8)andblackandwhiteap-
butItrytobringthemheretogether,to
proachtopeopleremained,Idon’tthinkI
moreclearlydiscerntheunderlyingpath
becameanicerperson,infactmyscenario
andcommondenominators.AlltogetherI
andbehaviorhardlychanged.Ifelthappy
havecreatedanenormousmountainof
beforeandafter,maybethefeelingthatI
data,thisisanattempttopickthemore
amnotalone,thatIamguided(andI
importantfromtheamassedmaterial,the
thinktherearedifferentlevelsofguiding)
realgemsthathavemeaningforme,and
hasmadememoreconfident,lessinse-
maybeforothers.
cure.Thetriggersthatexciteme,thewor-
ries,thefascinationwithmoneyand
productivity,thepanicIexperience,itis
allstillthere.ThedifferenceisthatIhavesomenotionfromwhereitcomes,Ican
seeforinstancethatwithtoomuchpressureIwillreverttomychildmode,where
emotionsaremoreimportantthanrationalityorintelligenceandIwilleasilypanic.
ButIwillstillpanicandforinstanceinsweatlodgesgoba-
nanas,believeIwillsuffocateandfightmywayoutlikea
madman.Obviouslytheincidentsthatcausedthistrig-
ger-responsegomuchdeeperthansomecerebralnotionof
divineguidance,it’sbasicsurvivalinstinct,probablyrelated
tosomedrowningexperienceasachild(Iremembersuch
anevent)andmaybebirth-trauma.
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