Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work PDF
Preview Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work
Alone Together of relatedinterest Loving Mr. Spock UnderstandinganAloof Lover–CoulditbeAsperger’sSyndrome? BarbaraJacobs ForewordbyTonyAttwood ISBN9781843104728 An Asperger Marriage GiselaandChristopherSlater-Walker ForewordbyTonyAttwood ISBN9781843100171 Aspergers in Love CoupleRelationshipsandFamilyAffairs MaxineAston ForewordbyGiselaandChrisSlater-Walker ISBN9781843101154 Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships AshleyStanford ForewordbyLianeHollidayWilley ISBN9781843107347 Asperger’s Syndrome and Adults… Is Anyone Listening? EssaysandPoemsbySpouses,PartnersandParents of AdultswithAsperger’sSyndrome KarenE.Rodman ForewordbyTonyAttwood ISBN9781843107514 Sex, Sexuality and the Autism Spectrum WendyLawson ForewordbyGlenysJones ISBN9781843102847 Alone Together Making an Asperger Marriage Work Katrin Bentley Foreword by Tony Attwood Jessica Kingsley Publishers London and Philadelphia Firstpublishedin2007 byJessicaKingsleyPublishers 116PentonvilleRoad LondonN19JB,UK and 400MarketStreet,Suite400 Philadelphia,PA19106,USA www.jkp.com Copyright©KatrinBentley2007 Forewordcopyright©TonyAttwood2007 Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanymaterialform(including photocopyingorstoringitinanymediumbyelectronicmeansandwhetherornottransientlyor incidentallytosomeotheruseofthispublication)withoutthewrittenpermissionofthe copyrightownerexceptinaccordancewiththeprovisionsoftheCopyright,DesignsandPatents Act1988orunderthetermsofalicenceissuedbytheCopyrightLicensingAgencyLtd,90 TottenhamCourtRoad,London,EnglandW1T4LP.Applicationsforthecopyrightowner’s writtenpermissiontoreproduceanypartofthispublicationshouldbeaddressedtothepublisher. Warning:Thedoingofanunauthorisedactinrelationtoacopyrightworkmayresultinbotha civilclaimfordamagesandcriminalprosecution. LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData Bentley,Katrin,1960- Alonetogether:makinganAspergermarriagework/KatrinBentley;forewordbyTony Attwood. p.cm. ISBN-13:978-1-84310-537-4(pbk.) 1. Bentley,Gavin.2. Bentley,Katrin,1960-3. Asperger'ssyndrome--Patients--Biography.4. Asperger'ssyndrome--Patients--Familyrelationships.5. Peoplewithmentaldisabilities--Marriage. I.Title. RC553.A88B462007 362.196'8588320092--dc22 [B] 2006101868 BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationData ACIPcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary ISBN9781843105374 ISBNpdfeBook:9781846426230 PrintedandboundinGreatBritainby AthenaeumPress,Gateshead,TyneandWear Contents FOREWORDBYTONYATTWOOD 7 PREFACE 9 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 11 THECACTUSANDTHEROSE 13 1. Becoming Aware of Asperger’s Syndrome 17 2. Meeting the Handsome Stranger 22 3. The Wedding 25 4. The First Real Argument: I Married You for Fun, Not for Problems 27 5. Travelling to Australia: The White Board 33 (cid:1) 6. The Honeymoon: Rigid Thinking 35 7. Sexuality, Intimacy and Love 38 8. Making Friends 46 9. Starting a Family: Empathy and Theory of Mind 52 10. Babies and New Mothers are Unpredictable: Coping with Change 55 11. Arguments Need to be Resolved: Being Married to a Non-Communicator 59 12. A Family Requires Teamwork 64 13. The ‘Girlfriend’ 66 14. Dealing with Sickness: Associative Thinking Causes Stress 70 (cid:1) 15. The Car Accident: Dizzy Spells can be Fatal 78 16. Being There in Body but Not in Soul: Alone Together 82 17. The Energy Theory: My Way of Dealing with Tantrums 86 18. Bringing up Champions: How to Handle Criticism 93 19. A Good Day Turns Bad in a Matter of Seconds: How We Fix Arguments 99 20. How a Diagnosis Helps: Resources and Opportunities for Improving the Relationship 104 21. The Stress Factor: Understanding Each Other 108 22. Our Life Today 114 EPILOGUEBYGAVINBENTLEY 117 USEFULCONTACTSANDFURTHERREADING 119 Foreword WhenKatrinBentleymetandfellinlovewithGavinshehadnoideathat hisunusualandinitiallyendearingandeccentricpersonalitywasasignof Asperger’sSyndrome.Soonaftertheyweremarried, however,sherecog- nized that there were going to be major problems in the relationship. Katrin’s initial optimism that Gavin would become more motivated and abletosocialize,anddevelopgreaterempathyandabilitytosatisfyKatrin’s needforaffectionandintimacy,graduallydissolvedintodespairthatthese abilitieswerenotgoingtobeachievedeasily,ifatall.Aftermanyyearsof theirtryingtounderstandeachotherandadjusttoverydifferentrelation- ship needs, there was a revelation – Gavin had the classic signs of Asperger’s Syndrome. At last there was an explanation for Gavin’s personality, abilities and behaviour and Katrin’s loneliness and frustration. With this knowledge came a dramatic change in the quality of the relationship. Katrin discov- eredstrategies,basedonherincreasingunderstandingof thecharacteris- tics of Asperger’s Syndrome, to make an Asperger marriage work. As she statestowardstheendofherbook,‘Afterallthoseyearswefinallyhavethe relationship I always longed for’. By nature, Katrin is an optimistic person who is resourceful, determined and loyal. She is also a teacher, and her book will teach you how to have a successful relationship with someone who has Asperger’s Syndrome.Iknowthatmanyrelationshipswillberescuedbyreadingher explanationsandapplyingheradvice.Thisbookcouldchangeyourrela- tionship and your life. TonyAttwood March2007 7
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