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Alice in Tumblr-Land: And Other Fairy Tales for a New Generation PDF

263 Pages·2013·71.49 MB·English
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PENGUIN BOOKS Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) LLC 375 Hudson Street New York, New York 10014 USA | Canada | UK | Ireland | Australia | New Zealand | India | South Africa | China penguin.com A Penguin Random House Company First published in Penguin Books 2013 Copyright © 2013 by Tim Manley Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader. Some of the contents of this book appeared in different form on the author’s blog, Fairy Tales for Twenty Somethings. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA Manley, Tim. Alice in tumblr-land : and other fairy tales for a new generation / Tim Manley. pages cm ISBN 978-0-69813621-2 (eBook) 1. Fairy tales—Humor. 2. Parodies. I. Title. PN6231.F285M36 2013 818’.602—dc23 2013031128 Contents Title Page Copyright Alice in Tumblr-Land A few years had passed since Snow White and the Prince rode off toward their happily-ever-after, and things were, you know, they were fine. Okay, so instead of going to bed with the Prince at night, Snow White found herself looking online at photos of Ryan Gosling, remembering the days when she’d felt for the Prince the same complex desire she now felt for Ryan. Like she wanted to simultaneously tear his clothes off and introduce him to her parents. But the Prince loves me, Snow White thought. And if I were with Ryan Gosling, he’d be hotter than me, and that wouldn’t be cool at all. B eauty and the Beast had been dating for a while now, and Beauty knew it was time for the Beast to meet her friends. But she was a little nervous. All her friends had these superhot boyfriends who worked in finance or modeled for J.Crew or whatever. The Beast was, well, the Beast liked to play Xbox in his underwear. And he was really into his fantasy football team. Beauty loved the Beast for who he was, she really did, but her friends were shallow and judgmental. “Maybe you should get some new friends,” Siri advised. T he Ugly Duckling still felt gross compared with everyone else. But then she got Instagram, and there’s this one filter that makes her look awesome. A lice drank her tea and scanned the news online. Even she had begun to believe that what she’d “seen” down the rabbit hole was just a figment of her imagination. She’d since majored in neuroscience; the human brain was fascinating!

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