Alexander McCall Smith

391 Pages·2008·2.12 MB·English

by  Mansions Corduroy

BOOKS BY ALEXANDER MCCALL SMITH
In the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency Series
The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency
Tears of the Giraffe
Morality for Beautiful Girls
The Kalahari Typing School for Men
The Full Cupboard of Life
In the Company of Cheerful Ladies
Blue Shoes and Happiness
The Good Husband of Zebra Drive
The Miracle at Speedy Motors
Tea Time for the Traditionally Built
The Double Comfort Safari Club
In the Isabel Dalhousie Series
The Sunday Philosophy Club
Friends, Lovers, Chocolate
The Right Attitude to Rain
The Careful Use of Compliments
The Comforts of a Muddy Saturday
The Lost Art of Gratitude
In the Portuguese Irregular Verb Series
Portuguese Irregular Verbs
The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs
At the Villa of Reduced Circumstances
In the 44 Scotland Street Series
44 Scotland Street
Espresso Tales
Love over Scotland
The World According to Bertie
The Unbearable Lightness of Scones
The Girl Who Married a Lion and Other Tales from Africa
La’s Orchestra Saves the World
Corduroy Mansions

This book is for
Andrew Sachs
Contents
Other Books by this Author
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter 1 - In the Bathroom
Chapter 2 - Corduroy Matters
Chapter 3 - Dee Is Rude About Others
Chapter 4 - A Generous Offer
Chapter 5 - Unmarried Girls
Chapter 6 - Tim Something Takes a Photo
Chapter 7 - Proustian-Jungian Soup
Chapter 8 - The Merits of Italian Wine (or Some of It)
Chapter 9 - Marcia’s Idea
Chapter 10 - Oedipus Snark, MP
Chapter 11 - A Flexible Diary
Chapter 12 - Berthea Snark
Chapter 13 - Stevie Phones Eddie
Chapter 14 - The Names of Dogs
Chapter 15 - An Experiment
Chapter 16 - An Invitation to Bake Is Misconstrued
Chapter 17 - Brutalism in Architecture
Chapter 18 - On the Sofa
Chapter 19 - Unknown Boys
Chapter 20 - Rare Tea
Chapter 21 - In Mr. Wickramsinghe’s Kitchen
Chapter 22 - Master of Wine (Failed)
Chapter 23 - Nice Dog
Chapter 24 - Lemon Gems
Chapter 25 - Paris
Chapter 26 - Applied Ethics
Chapter 27 - On the Train
Chapter 28 - Beings of Light
Chapter 29 - Berthea’s Project
Chapter 30 - Rye
Chapter 31 - Dinner at the Mermaid
Chapter 32 - The Yeti Writes
Chapter 33 - “An hairy man” (sic)
Chapter 34 - William Plans a Soufflé
Chapter 35 - Eddie Is Cool
Chapter 36 - I Find You Very Attractive
Chapter 37 - Dee Meets Freddie de la Hay
Chapter 38 - At Breakfast
Chapter 39 - Barbara Ragg Acts
Chapter 40 - Remember Mateus Rosé?
Chapter 41 - Belgian Shoes
Chapter 42 - The Morning Sun Was in Her Eyes
Chapter 43 - Terence’s Battery Has a Near-Death Experience
Chapter 44 - Don’t Try This at Home
Chapter 45 - In the Ambulance
Chapter 46 - Terence Moongrove Has a Near-Death Experience
Chapter 47 - Your Shoes, Your Sad Shoes
Chapter 48 - A Golden Parachute
Chapter 49 - A Confession of Loneliness
Chapter 50 - The Dignity of Distance
Chapter 51 - A Very Good Risotto
Chapter 52 - Eddie’s Wardrobe
Chapter 53 - Freddie de la Hay Points to Something
Chapter 54 - Polar Bears and Vitamin A
Chapter 55 - The Late Isadora Duncan
Chapter 56 - O Venus
Chapter 57 - Barbara Ragg Writes a Letter
Chapter 58 - Dee Makes Tea for Jenny
Chapter 59 - Something to Do with Justice
Chapter 60 - Going Home
Chapter 61 - A Suitable Car
Chapter 62 - Eddie Shows His True Colours
Chapter 63 - My Door Is Always Open
Chapter 64 - Requin Trouvé
Chapter 65 - Caravaggio as a Role Model for Boys
Chapter 66 - Tim Something Sits Down
Chapter 67 - Where’s Freddie de la Hay?
Chapter 68 - The Dog House
Chapter 69 - Freddie de la Hay in Peril
Chapter 70 - At the Ragg Porter Agency
Chapter 71 - On the Nature of Friendship
Chapter 72 - Rupert’s Insecurities
Chapter 73 - Free at Last!
Chapter 74 - Sparkle Skin
Chapter 75 - Terence Moongrove Confesses
Chapter 76 - Lennie Marchbanks Calls
Chapter 77 - Terence Moongrove, Porsche Owner
Chapter 78 - Whose Home?
Chapter 79 - Marcia Understands
Chapter 80 - In Touch with His Feminine Side
Chapter 81 - A Country House Weekend
Chapter 82 - Poisonous Snakes
Chapter 83 - Freddie de la Hay Forgiven
Chapter 84 - James Reveals His Good Eye
Chapter 85 - A Poussin in Pimlico
Chapter 86 - Terence and Berthea
Chapter 87 - Sacred Dance
Chapter 88 - Through the Letterbox
Chapter 89 - Resolution
Chapter 90 - A Major Surprise (of the Pleasant Variety)
Chapter 91 - A Flower in the Air Between Two People
Chapter 92 - Caroline Goes to Lunch Again
Chapter 93 - Crop Circles
Chapter 94 - A Cultural Disaster
Chapter 95 - A Real Job
Chapter 96 - Three Sorts of Man Trouble
Chapter 97 - The Interview
Chapter 98 - Martini Talk in Cheltenham
Chapter 99 - Basil Buys a Blazer
Chapter 100 - The End
About the Author
Copyright
1. In the Bathroom
P , thought William. Spanish sparkling wine—filthy stuff, he
ASSING OFF
thought, filthy—passed itself off as champagne. Japanese whisky—Glen
Yakomoto!—was served as Scotch. Inferior hard cheese—from Mafia-run
factories in Catania—was sold to the unsuspecting as Parmesan.
Lots of things were passed off in one way or another, and now, as he
stood before the bathroom mirror, he wondered if he could be passed off
too. He looked at himself, or such part of himself as the small mirror
encompassed—just his face, really, and a bit of neck. It was a fifty-one-
year-old face chronologically, but would it pass, he wondered, for a
forty-something-year-old face?
He looked more closely: there were lines around the eyes and at the
edge of the mouth but the cheeks were smooth enough. He pulled at the
skin around the eyes and the lines disappeared. There were doctors who
could do that for you, of course: tighten things up; nip and tuck. But the
results, he thought, were usually risible. He had a customer who had
gone off to some clinic and come back with a face like a Noh-play mask
—all smoothed out and flat. It was sad, really. And as for male wigs,
with their stark, obvious hairlines, all one wanted to do was to reach
forward and give them a tug. It was quite hard to resist, actually, and
once, as a student—and when drunk—he had done just that. He had
tugged at the wig of a man in a bar and … the man had cried. He still
felt ashamed of himself for that. Best not to think about it.