A Scholarly Personal Narrative on Mind, Body, and Spirit as Themes of Personal Resilience

188 Pages·2017·1.6 MB·English

University of St. Tomas, Minnesota
UST Research Online
Education Doctoral Dissertations in Leadership School of Education
2017
Surprised by Growth: A Scholarly Personal
Narrative on Mind, Body, and Spirit as Temes of
Personal Resilience
Kristina C. Anderson
University of St. Tomas,
Surprised by Growth: A Scholarly Personal Narrative on Mind, Body, and Spirit as Themes of
Personal Resilience

A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF THE
SCHOOL OF EDUCATION OF THE UNIVERSITY OF ST. THOMAS
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA
By
Kristina C. Anderson
IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS
FOR THE DEGREE OF
DOCTOR OF EDUCATION
2017
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to thank the staff and faculty in the Leadership, Policy, and Administration
department at the University of St. Thomas for the opportunity to engage in one of the most
intellectually satisfying educational experiences I have ever had. Cohort 18 was an incredible
group of people, and I am lucky to call so many of you friends.
Particular thoughts of gratitude go to my dissertation chair, Dr. Kathleen Boyle, who
always conveyed joy and confidence in our interactions. You encouraged me, pushed me, and
were a colleague in the best sense of the word. Thank you to my dissertation committee
members, Dr. Stephen Brookfield and Dr. Eleni Roulis, who provided valuable feedback,
consultation, and validation for my topic.
I have been so privileged to have supportive mentors in my life, some of whom are living
and some who are not: Dr. Alan Tuchtenhagen, Barbara Bologna, Rev. Dr. Deb DeMeester, Dr.
Steven Tallant, and Dr. Mary Jane Androne. Thank you all for guiding me, encouraging me, and
showing me what nurturing the human spirit looks like.
I could not be where I am without the kinship of my anam cara – my soul friends –
namely Heather, Andy, Julie, Tom, George, Gary, Wendy, Helen, Carolyn, Mark, Cindy, and
Ronnie. You all have been special people in my life, and I count myself very lucky. Many of
you may find yourself in my stories—perhaps under a pseudonym—because your presence has
been part of my growth. Thank you!
I have been fortunate to have a supportive family. Mom, Dad, Katie, grandparents, and
aunts and uncles have provided unconditional love. You have shown resilience in your own
lives, and I have modeled myself after you. Mom, you are the most resilient person I know.
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Dad, your 3Ds of leadership are ones I still carry with me. And, Katie, you are my soul sister as
well as biological sister—wise, funny, loving, and kind. Thank you all for the love.
Finally, to my partner Karla. You have stuck by me through the storms. You and
Maggie the cat have been my safe harbor. You define courage, and I would not have had a year
of living resiliently without you. All my love.
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ABSTRACT

This qualitative study, using a scholarly personal narrative (SPN) methodology, explores
one woman’s journey of resilience through the themes of mind, body, and spirit. Using personal
stories and perspectives, the study details how the author experienced a tumultuous year. The
paper examines resilience as a personality characteristic and as a psychological process of
meaning-making and growth, and further hypothesizes resilience as existential courage.
Posttraumatic growth theory and E xistentialism explicate and challenge the narrative of how the
author grew from stress and what resilience felt like from the internal experie nce. The study
recommends additional narrative studies of spiritual growth as a result of stress and resilience as
meaning-making from trauma. The concluding implications for leadership and universities make
a case for nurturing the human spirit as a way of fostering resilience and becoming whole .

Keywords: resilience, posttraumatic growth, courage to grow from stress, existential courage
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Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Introduction ................................................................................................................... 1
Significance of the Study and Research Question ...................................................................... 5
Brief Glossary of Terms ............................................................................................................. 9
Overview of Study .................................................................................................................... 10
Chapter 2: Methodology ............................................................................................................... 12
SPN as a Methodology ............................................................................................................. 14
Pre-Search ................................................................................................................................. 16
Me-Search ................................................................................................................................. 17
Re-Search .................................................................................................................................. 17
We-Search ............................................................................................................................. 18
SPN Guidelines ...................................................................................................................... 19
SPN Limitations, Ethics, and Generalizability ....................................................................... 21
Conclusion ............................................................................................................................. 22
Chapter 3: Mind ......................................................................................................................... 23
Losing My Job ....................................................................................................................... 23
Family Background ................................................................................................................ 29
MidLife Search for Meaning ................................................................................................. 41
Resilience as Meaning Making .............................................................................................. 44
Job Layoff Revisited .............................................................................................................. 47
Chapter 4: Body ......................................................................................................................... 58
Health History ........................................................................................................................ 60
Liver Revisited ....................................................................................................................... 71
Panic at Disney .................................................................................................................... 101
Karla and Piglet at the Healing Place ................................................................................... 104
Chapter 5: Spirit ....................................................................................................................... 115
Reckoning With Death ......................................................................................................... 116
Resilience as Growth: Low Tide .......................................................................................... 130
Resilience as Growth: High Tide .......................................................................................... 140
Resilience as Growth: Riptide .............................................................................................. 144
Resilience as Growth: Neap Tide ......................................................................................... 152
Leaders and Leadership—Great Minds ................................................................................ 154
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Institutions of Higher Education—The Body ......................................................................... 164
All of Us—The Spirit ............................................................................................................. 167
Future Research Opportunities ............................................................................................... 169
Conclusion—Now What? ....................................................................................................... 172
References ................................................................................................................................... 175
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Chapter 1: Introduction
I am what I am not yet.
~Maxine Greene

My fascination with resilience started with Karla’s mom and the bear. My partner’s
mother, Jane, was in rapid decline from congestive heart failure. At 89, she had lived a rich life,
mostly spent in Excelsior, Minnesota, but she was now i n an assisted living space in the suburbs .
Selling her house had been difficult, an acknowledgment that her t reasured independence had
waned. Her third-floor apartment, however, was lovely, sunlit in the afternoon and loaded with
antiques. She had a full kitchen, which, for her, meant that this home was real . She could still
bake if she wanted. She could cook a full meal if she wanted . Her refrigerator came with an ice
maker and filtered cold water, which she loved. Karla and I hooked up her DirectTV and
installed a special telephone that amplified sound so she could talk to her friends. Always the
animal lover, and with a view of a pond and the woods, she requested that we install a bird
feeder on the small balcony so she could rest in bed and see the chickadees, finches, and
cardinals that visited, even during the Minnesota winters.
Jane “had all her marbles,” as Karla frequentl y characterized her mother. Even as her
body failed, Jane’s wit and dry humor remained. Her in telligent, pale blue eyes sparkled behind
her glasses, especially when sharing an inside joke with Karla. This lucidity made the bear she
saw all the more mystifying.
Jane’s last weekend out of her apartment was spent getting a haircut, finishing her
financial arrangements, going to a Chinese restaurant for lunch, and swinging by Burger King for
a chocolate malt. She was exhausted by that adventure, but satis fied that she had tied up loose
ends. Sometime in the next week, about three weeks before she died, Jane started seeing a black
bear in the neighboring woods. There were periodic bear sightings in the Twin Cities
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metropolitan area, so we did not think much of it at first. But Jane’s description was unusually
vivid. She figured him to be a male adolescent, although smaller, about the size of the children’s
book character Little Bear. She saw him in the crook of the tree near the pond. He slept in the
tree, scooched around to get comfortable, examine d his paw, and looked at her.
These sightings continued for another couple of weeks, and Jane reported his activities to
us. With each sighting, she said the bear came closer. Concurrently, the glances Karl a and I
exchanged progressed from quizzical to resigned. One afternoon, Jane developed a deep, juicy
cough, and we realized her congestive heart condition was much worse. Karla asked her mother
if she thought she was ready for hospice. Jane said, “That’ s the end, right?”
“Yep, it is, Mom,” Karla replied.
Jane paused, gazed out the window, and nodded her head. In her last days, Jane slept
more and more, doing the inner work that was part of the dying process , while continuing to look
out the window at her birds and her bear. Karla remembered the last few days this way:
I could not see the bear. It was her bear, and we both agreed it was her spirit guide. I
asked some of my Native American friends about it , and they said bears, eagles , and
horses are good. Some people see other animals that aren’t so good. Over time, the bear
came closer, and got bigger. Last week, the bear was sleeping in her bed. We both knew
her time here was ending. The last day she was quite lucid for a bit and said there were
many bears with her. She was comforted by them and was not afraid of them. She
respected them but was okay to be with them. At midnight she went with the bears .

Jane died on April 15, 2014, in her sleep, in her own bed, in her own apartment. It was a
good death. We got the call a little after midnight from hospice, drove to her apartment, and
started the process that we all have done when relatives die: calling the coroner, calling relatievs,
and calling the funeral home. But first, we sat a while in Jane’s apartment, listening to the
stillness. I can’t say it felt like death per se, but something was missing. Jane was missing. Her
body was there in the next room, but it was merely a shell. Jane’s soul and her bear were gone.