A Joosr Guide to Why We Love by Helen Fisher: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love

25 Pages·2016·0.711 MB·English

by  Helen Fisher

WHY WE LOVE
BY HELEN FISHER
The Nature and Chemistry of
Romantic Love
Contents
What’s it about?
Three core systems have evolved in the human brain that motivate us
to mate and reproduce
The behaviors displayed by humans in love are powered by
combinations of chemicals produced in the brain
Humans were forced to seek mates for life after evolving to walk on
two legs
Romantic love is a motivation, not an emotion
We choose our partners for numerous personal and biological reasons
Scientifically speaking, it is possible to rejuvenate passion in long-term
relationships
Unrequited love is a repetitive cycle of pain, similar to that
experienced by drug addicts
Final summary
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Key takeaways
What’s it about?
Love has started wars and taken lives; it’s also inspired peace and
evoked the finest works of art. It is seemingly the most powerful,
pervasive emotion that human beings are capable of. But what is
love? How do we choose who we fall in love with? And why do we
sometimes continue to love those who don’t love us in return?
In Why We Love, the answers to these age-old questions are explored
as author Helen Fisher seeks to scientifically understand the universal
phenomenon that is love. Presented is Fisher’s theory of three core
brain systems that human beings developed for mating and
reproduction, which compose what we now think of as romantic love.
This is a groundbreaking explanation of the evolutionary reasonings
behind love, exploring why the three components of love developed,
which purposes they serve, and how each of them is stimulated.
If you’ve ever wondered why you feel the way you do in the presence
of a partner, this book will help you understand the chemical reactions
in the brain that produce the sensations and behaviors associated with
romantic love. You will also learn whether or not it’s possible to trick
yourself into experiencing romantic feelings by stimulating certain
areas of the brain, and precisely why having a broken heart is so
agonizingly painful.
By unraveling the mysteries behind the enigma of love, you will begin
to understand the drive behind this uniquely human capability, and
how it shaped the survival of our species.
Three core systems have evolved in the human
brain that motivate us to mate and reproduce
People around the world are all distinctively different, but love is a
universal trait of the human condition. Regardless of ethnicity, culture,
or gender, humans across the millennia have left us drawings,
sculptures, and scriptures detailing how passionately they have loved.
Even the symptoms of being head over heels in love, experienced by
our predecessors, remain the same today: a quickened heart rate,
bursts of tremendous energy, a sensation of elation, preoccupied
thoughts, and cravings for that special someone.
The ubiquitous nature of love means it can only stem from the genetic
makeup of our species; in other words, love is produced in the human
brain. But the process is complex, involving three different brain
systems, each motivated by a different evolutionary mating drive.
These motivators are the three core components of romantic love:
lust, attraction, and male-female attachment.
Lust, the most animalistic of these key elements, refers to
libido. Its purpose is to encourage humans to mate, originally
with as many different partners as possible, in order to ensure
procreation and the continuation of the human species.
Attraction refers to the passionate pursuit of just one
individual, the obsessive need to be near that special someone,
and the sensation of complete elation that is felt while in their
company. Attraction ensures an overwhelming devotion toward
a single individual, excluding all others. This is what enabled
our forebears to effectively pool their time and energy resources
by courting, and providing for, only one mate.
Male-female attachment is the feeling of comfort and security
shared with a partner you trust. Although not as intense as lust
or attraction, it is nevertheless powerful, driving us to bond for
life. It is generally experienced by long-term partners and
evolved as a motivator for our ancestors to remain together
long enough to raise children as a team.
Lust, romantic love, and male-female attachment are what shape how
we love today. Hardwired into the genes of every human being is the
urge to mate, the desire to be passionately attracted to another
person, and the need to find a long-term partner. All three of these
mating drives have evolved over time, and each serves a specific
purpose, as the demands placed on sexual partners have changed.
We will expand upon this later in the summary.
The behaviors displayed by humans in love are
powered by combinations of chemicals produced
in the brain
The individual systems in the brain relating to each of the three core
components of romantic love are affected by different hormones and
chemicals, which cause them to produce specific behaviors in human
beings. These chemical interactions are the driving force behind our
emotions, dictating how we feel about a partner or relationship.
Lust is mainly driven by the sex hormone testosterone, which triggers
sexual arousal in both genders, although evolution has created
marked differences in how testosterone levels become elevated in
males and females. Male testosterone levels tend to be visually
stimulated. This is because our ancestors could tell from a female’s
appearance whether she was likely to be fertile; back then, if a woman
looked energetic, strong, and healthy, a male would want to mate with
her. A female, however, could not tell from merely looking at a man
whether he possessed the necessary qualities to support her through
pregnancy and nursing an infant. Because of this, our ancestral
females developed extensive memory and language abilities to track
and recall which men were loyal and supportive. This is why women
are more likely to experience elevated testosterone levels, and so
become sexually aroused, when words or actions display affection.
Passionate attraction is linked to varied levels of the chemical
dopamine, which cause addictive behaviors such as cravings and
highly focused motivation to achieve goals, and norepinephrine, which
triggers intense energy, sleeplessness, and enhanced memory recall.
This explains a besotted individual’s desperate need to be near the
object of their affections, as well as their ability to memorize every
detail about them. Attraction is also associated with low serotonin
levels, known to cause obsessive thoughts. This mix of dopamine,
norepinephrine, and low serotonin produces the intense emotions
experienced by those newly in love.
The enduring bond of male-female attachment is engendered largely
by oxytocin, a hormone produced in the hypothalamus that stimulates
feelings of connection. Both genders enjoy elevated levels of oxytocin
while being sexually stimulated, meaning that we naturally develop
feelings of attachment with sexual partners. Vasopressin, another
hormone, is also a key contributor to the attachment emotion, as it is
proven to stimulate jealous emotions and decrease sexual
promiscuity, leading to an exclusive union between two partners.
The symptoms exhibited by people in lust or in love are directly
associated with varying levels of the chemicals dopamine,
norepinephrine, and serotonin, as well as the hormones testosterone,
oxytocin, and vasopressin. The human brain produces very specific
combinations of these hormones and chemicals: this is what allows us
to feel the three core mating drives individually.
Humans were forced to seek mates for life after
evolving to walk on two legs
We already know that humans, like all animals, seek sexual partners
to satisfy their urge to procreate. Yet we also know that people are
driven to find a partner to bond with for life, even after they have had
children. Few animals mate for life—so why do humans?
Fossilized skeletons tell us that around 3.5 million years ago our
distant ancestors began walking on two legs, instead of moving on all
fours. From this point on, mothers had to carry their infants in their
arms, rather than on their backs, meaning they could no longer forage
for food or scurry up to higher ground away from attackers. Females
now needed protection and provision from a male companion. This
suited males, too, as attracting, protecting, and providing for only one
woman was more practical than doing so for a whole group. Humans
began to form longer-lasting, sexually exclusive pair bonds, copulating
with only one partner at a time until the young no longer depended on
the mother. And so humans developed feelings of attraction, to
connect them with their partner in a bond that was longer lasting than
one based just on lust.
Male-female attachment came about later. When our ancestors first
controlled fire, as early as 1.7 million years ago, they learned to cook
food, eliminating toxins, accelerating digestion, and better nourishing
their bodies and brains. Because of this, our forebears’ brains
developed swiftly, dramatically increasing head size, and childbirth
became dangerous; many women and babies died in labor as, due to
alterations to the shape of the female pelvis after humans had learned
to walk on two legs, the birthing canal was now too narrow to bear
such large-headed young. Only the smaller, underdeveloped babies
survived, and this became the norm, but created a new problem: now
that babies were less developed than before, considerably more
growth was happening after birth, and consequently childhood
doubled in length.
With early humans now not reaching full maturation until their late
teenage years, raising young was a long-term, two-person job. The
survival of the species depended upon males and females forming
pair bonds that were much stronger and even longer than before. And
so the brain evolved the mechanisms for seeking male-female
attachment.
“Romantic” human behavior was originally driven by lust, until our
ancestors became bipeds, and attraction became necessary. This was
then intensified again when females gave birth to children that needed
nurturing for much longer. Thanks to evolution, humans are now
driven to seek life-long partners in order to procreate, then protect and
rear their young together.