602 Reasons to Be Ticked Off

170 Pages·2004·0.86 MB·English

by  Paul Nardizzi

This book is dedicated to nobody.
Forced to choose, I’d probably go with myself, organic farmers, and my
sister Lynne, whose laugh I hear in the back of the club even when she’s
not there.
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
EVERYDAY LIFE
JOBS
MAILMEN
IDIOTS
COPS
TOLLS AND DRIVING
OLD PEOPLE
AIR TRAVEL
MISHAPS
KIDS, MARRIAGE, AND WEDDINGS
RIPOFFS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would like to thank myself for all the work I
did on this book. I enjoyed the pleasure of my
company and hope to collaborate again in the
future. I also want to thank God, my family,
Stephanie Bennett for getting this project going,
Andrews McMeel, and of course all the dumb,
miserable maggots on the planet who inspired
this book.

T
rying to get a check into a parking ticket envelope and
needing a shoehorn to complete the task.
T
he annoying hissing noise Canadian Geese make when you chase
their babies around the park with a sledge hammer.
S
haking hands with some brainless clamhead who
squeezes so hard he goes around thinking your name is
Letgo.
Receiving your bill from a hotel and there’s a fifty-cent charge
for the call you made down to the lobby to ask how much a
phone call costs.
W
hen your pinheaded child fiddles with the TV remote
over the course of a weekend and accidentally orders two
hundred dollars worth of porn, none of which you even get
to watch.
H
otels that claim they won’t put the movie title you rented on the
bill, as if it’s not blatantly obvious you rented a skin flick when a
regular movie costs ten dollars and the one you watched cost forty-
seven and has an hour remaining.
W
hen pay-per-view seduces you with a sexy title like Lick
Me, which turns out to be a documentary on stamps.
Seduce the cable company by sending them a check with a number in
the amount section that is not even close to the paltry sum you have in
the bank.
Looking up a word in the dictionary and having no clue what
any of the words in the definition mean, either.