57 Ways to Screw Up in Grad School: Perverse Professional Lessons for Graduate Students

202 Pages·2015·1.15 MB·English

by  Kevin D. Haggerty

57
WAYS TO SCREW UP
IN GRAD SCHOOL
CHICAGO GUIDES TO ACADEMIC LIFE
A Student’s Guide to Law School
Andrew B. Ayers
The Chicago Guide to Your Career in Science
Victor A. Bloomfield and Esam El- Fakahany
The Chicago Handbook for Teachers, Second Edition
Alan Brinkley, Esam El- Fakahany, Betty Dessants, Michael Flamm,
Charles B. Forcey Jr., Matthew L. Ouellett, and Eric Rothschild
The Chicago Guide to Landing a Job in Academic Biology
C. Ray Chandler, Lorne M. Wolfe, and Daniel E. L. Promislow
Behind the Academic Curtain
Frank F. Furstenberg
The Chicago Guide to Your Academic Career
John A. Goldsmith, John Komlos, and Penny Schine Gold
How to Succeed in College (While Really Trying)
Jon B. Gould
How to Study
Arthur W. Kornhauser
Doing Honest Work in College
Charles Lipson
Succeeding as an International Student in the United States and Canada
Charles Lipson
The Thinking Student’s Guide to College
Andrew Roberts
The Graduate Advisor Handbook
Bruce M. Shore
57
WAYS TO SCREW UP
IN GRAD SCHOOL
Perverse Professional Lessons
for Graduate Students
KEVIN D. HAGGERTY AND
AARON DOYLE
THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO PRESS
CHICAGO AND LONDON
Kevin D. Haggerty is a Killam Research Laureate
and professor of sociology and criminology at
the University of Alberta. He is also editor of the
Canadian Journal of Sociology. Haggerty’s most
recent book is Transparent Lives.
aaron Doyle is associate professor in the
Department of Sociology and Anthropology at
Carleton University. His most recent book is Eyes
Everywhere.
The University of Chicago Press, Chicago 60637
The University of Chicago Press, Ltd., London
© 2015 by The University of Chicago
All rights reserved. Published 2015.
Printed in the United States of America
24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 1 2 3 4 5
ISBN- 13: 978- 0- 226- 28087- 5 (cloth)
ISBN- 13: 978- 0- 226- 28090- 5 (paper)
ISBN- 13: 978- 0- 226- 28106- 3 (e- book)
DOI: 10.7208/chicago/9780226281063.001.0001
Library of Congress Cataloging- in- Publication Data
Haggerty, Kevin D., author.
57 ways to screw up in grad school: perverse
professional lessons for graduate students / Kevin D.
Haggerty and Aaron Doyle.
pages; cm. — (Chicago guides to academic life)
Includes index.
ISBN 978- 0-226- 28087- 5 (cloth: alk. paper) — ISBN
978- 0- 226- 28090- 5 (pbk.: alk. paper) — ISBN
978- 0- 226- 28106- 3 (e- book) 1. Graduate students—
Conduct of life. 2. Universities and colleges—
Graduate work. I. Doyle, Aaron, author. II. Title.
III. Title: Fifty- seven ways to screw up in grad
school. IV. Series: Chicago guides to academic life.
LB2371.H34 2015
378.1'55—dc23 2015002171
♾ This paper meets the requirements of ANSI/
NISO Z39.48- 1992 (Permanence of Paper).
For Richard V. Ericson

CONTENTS
AN INTRODUCTION TO SCREWING UP 1
Who Are I? 7
Gendered Pronouns 8
Thesis vs. Dissertation? 8
THE SCREW- UPS
STARTING OUT 11
1 Do Not Think about Why You Are Applying 14
2 Ignore the Market 19
3 Stay at the Same University 22
4 Follow the Money Blindly 24
5 Do an Unfunded PhD 29
6 Do an Interdisciplinary PhD 30
7 Believe Advertised Completion Times 33
8 Ignore the Information the University Provides You 34
9 Expect the Money to Take Care of Itself 35
SUPERVISORS 41
10 Go It Alone and Stay Quiet 42
11 Choose the Coolest Supervisor 45
12 Have Co- Supervisors 48
13 Do Not Clarify Your Supervisor’s (or Your Own) Expectations 50
14 Avoid Your Supervisor and Committee 51
15 Stay in a Bad Relationship 53
16 Expect People to Hold Your Hand 55
MANAGING YOUR PROGRAM 57
17 Concentrate Only on Your Thesis 58
18 Expect to Write the Perfect Comprehensive Exam 61
19 Select a Topic for Entirely Strategic Reasons 63
20 Do Not Teach, or Teach a Ton of Courses 65
21 Do Not Seek Teaching Instruction 68
22 Move Away from the University Before Finishing Your Degree 70
23 Postpone Those Tedious Approval Processes 72
24 Organize Everything Only in Your Head 75
25 Do Not Attend Conferences, or Attend Droves of Conferences 78
YOUR WORK AND SOCIAL LIFE 81
26 Concentrate Solely on School 82
27 Expect Friends and Family to Understand 83
28 Socialize Only with Your Clique 85
29 Get a Job! 87
WRITING 89
30 Write Only Your PhD Thesis 90
31 Postpone Publishing 93
32 Cover Everything 96
33 Do Not Position Yourself 98
34 Write Only to Deadlines 100
35 Abuse Your Audience 103
YOUR ATTITUDE AND ACTIONS 109
36 Expect to Be Judged Only on Your Work 110
37 Have a Thin Skin 113
38 Be Inconsiderate 116
39 Become “That” Student 119
40 Never Compromise 121
41 Gossip 123
42 Say Whatever Pops into Your Head on Social Media 125
DELICATE MATTERS 127
43 Assume That the University Is More Inclusive Than
Other Institutions 128
44 Rush into a Legal Battle 132
45 Get Romantically Involved with Faculty 135
46 Cheat and Plagiarize 137
AM I DONE YET?: ON FINISHING 141
47 Skip Job Talks 142
48 Expect to Land a Job in a Specific University 146
49 Expect People to Hire You to Teach Your Thesis 148
50 Turn Down Opportunities to Participate in Job Searches 150
51 Neglect Other People’s Theses 151
52 Get an Unknown External Examiner 152
53 Do Not Understand the Endgame 155
54 Be Blasé about Your Defense 160
55 Do Not Plan for Your Job Interview 164
56 Persevere at All Costs 168
57 Consider a Non- Academic Career a Form of Failure 170
FINAL THOUGHTS 173
APPENDIX: A SKETCH OF GRAD SCHOOL 175
The Thesis 178
The Program 180
Your Department 181
The People 182
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 187
INDEX 189