50 Activities for Conflict Resolution

187 Pages·2000·1.01 MB·English

by  Jonamay Lambert

50 Activities for
Conflict Resolution
Group Learning and
Self Development Exercises

Jonamay Lambert
and
Selma Myers

Published by Human Resource Development Press, Inc.
© 1999 by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers

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sources, may be reproduced for educational/training activities. There is no
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the following statement appear on all reproductions:

Reproduced from 50 Activities for Conflict Resolution, by Jonamay
Lambert and Selma Myers. Amherst, Massachusetts: HRD Press, 1999.

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Table of Contents
Workshop Activities

About the Authors.......................................................................................................... v
Preface.............................................................................................................................. vii
Introduction.................................................................................................................... ix
Part 1
I. Exploring Conflict
Defining Conflict: Where Do You Stand?.......................................................... 1
Two Responses to Conflict: Fight or Flight...................................................... 5
How Can We Both Win? A Quick Demonstration.......................................... 7
II. Know Yourself
Individual Conflict Styles: A Zoological Approach........................................ 11
Identifying Helpful Communication Styles...................................................... 13
I Lose—You Lose................................................................................................... 15
Approaches to Conflict: Role Play Demonstration......................................... 17
When Conflict Creates Stress, Don’t Just Stand There!.................................. 23
Introduction to Listening: A Self Inventory...................................................... 25
III. Understanding Conflict
Tug of War or Peace.............................................................................................. 31
Red Flags................................................................................................................ 33
Benefits and Barriers: Exploring Third-Party Intervention........................... 35
Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues?.................................... 37
Constructive or Destructive Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned....................... 41
IV. Values and Perceptions
Gaining a Different Perspective.......................................................................... 45
Assumptions: Who Needs ‘Em?........................................................................... 47
The Big Bad Wolf. Or Is It?................................................................................. 49
Portrait of a Peacemaker..................................................................................... 53
V. Resolving Conflict Situations
What Kind of Question Is That?......................................................................... 59
Brainstorming: The Case of the Stolen Account............................................... 61
Resistance . . . Options to the Rescue!............................................................... 65
Listening for the Other Person’s Point of View: Paraphrasing..................... 69
Third-Party Mediation......................................................................................... 71
Formulating Clear Agreements........................................................................... 77
Curbside Conflict Resolution.............................................................................. 79
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50 Activities for Conflict Resolution
Independent Study

Part 2

Introduction to the Back of the Book . . . Self-Development.................................. 85

I. Exploring Conflict
Early Takes on Conflict....................................................................................... 89
Exploring Sources of Conflict............................................................................. 91
Self-Assessment in Dealing with Differences................................................... 95
Analyzing a Conflict: Is It Worth Getting Into?............................................. 97

II. Know Yourself
The Role of Values in Conflict Resolution........................................................101
In the Heat of the Moment..................................................................................103
Which Conflict Resolution Style Is Yours?......................................................105
How to Deal with Hot Buttons..........................................................................109

III. Understanding Conflict
Resolving a Conflict through Planning.............................................................113
Why People Avoid Dealing with Conflict Resolution....................................115
Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each.......................................117
Mediation: Test Your Knowledge.......................................................................121

IV. Values and Perceptions
Evaluating Your Conflict Resolution Skills.....................................................127
First Thoughts about Others: “Perception IQ” Quiz......................................129
The Ideal Peacemaker: Can You Imagine That?...............................................133

V. Resolving Conflict Situations
Uncovering the Hidden Agenda..........................................................................137
Your Turn: A Nonjudgmental Exercise..............................................................139
A Questionable Exercise......................................................................................143
Direct Communication: Its Use in Conflict Resolution.................................149
Supportive Listening: What’s Your Score?.......................................................151
Skills That Make a Difference.............................................................................153
Fact vs. Opinion....................................................................................................155
Escalate vs. Acknowledge: The Choice Is Yours..............................................157
Turning Negatives into Positives.......................................................................159
Eight Different Points of View...........................................................................161
iv
About the Authors

Jonamay Lambert
Jonamay Lambert, M.A., co-author of seven trainers’ guides in the Diversity at
Work Training Series, and 50 Activities for Diversity Training, is well known
throughout the human resources field for her training and development method-
ology. Founder and president of Lambert and Associates, she has designed and
implemented training programs related to diversity leadership and change
management for corporate, governmental, and educational organizations,
including many Fortune 100 companies.
Prior to forming Lambert and Associates in 1987, she was principal of PACE, a
not-for-profit institution, and received a three-year grant to develop a multi-
cultural curriculum for prison system educators. Ms. Lambert received a master’s
degree in counseling from Northeastern University and an undergraduate degree
in education from Indiana University after studying in Europe and the Middle
East. Also the author of ten trainer’s guides about diversity used in more than
1,000 national and international organizations, Jonamay’s philosophy is that
diversity must be understood and appreciated as a means through which people
learn, grow, and benefit from one another.
* * * * * * *
Selma Myers
Selma Myers, M.A., a trained and experienced mediator, has been engaged in
alternative dispute resolution since 1983. In addition, as an international
consultant, she is president of Intercultural Development, a California company
specializing in communication and intercultural training.
As the co-author of ten trainer’s guides in the “Diversity at Work” trainer’s
series, and “50 Activities for Diversity Training”, she has also written additional
guides and handbooks, linking the subject of Alternative Dispute Resolution to
intercultural training.
Ms. Myers helped found, and was director of, the American Language Institute at
San Diego State University, where she administered programs for foreign
students and businessmen. She has also lived and worked abroad and traveled
extensively, gaining particular insights into cultures different than her own.
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50 Activities for Conflict Resolution
Ms. Myers was a visiting lecturer in residence at the Beijing Institute of
Technology; recipient of a Senior Fulbright Consulting Grant in South America;
and a Summer Teaching Fellow at Harvard University. Her clients have included
Fortune 500 organizations, not-for-profit, government agencies and other areas of
business.
Ms. Myers offers workshops in Conflict Resolution and provides mediation
training for the San Diego Mediation Center and for regional and national
conferences.
vi
Preface

Business people are becoming much more interested in understanding workplace
conflict, its causes, and its impact. This book is designed to meet the needs of
professionals who are expected to resolve their own personal and immediate
conflicts or train others to do so. It also deals with the specific skills one needs to
act as a third party in helping others resolve their conflicts.
Some people believe that conflict is a necessary part of life, and that without
conflict there is no growth. Others believe that the only way to handle conflict is
to avoid dealing with it. Individuals participating in the workshop activities and
self-study exercises offered in this book will examine their own concerns with
conflict, their own individual styles, and the role conflict has played and is
playing in their lives. They will also learn skills to help them become more
effective in interpersonal relations at work. Ultimately they and their organi-
zations will benefit through reduced conflict, improved communication, and a
more productive work environment.
Dispute resolution is often seen as a “win-lose” situation, or a constant series of
compromises. However, conflict-resolution techniques and activities can help
people understand and deal with it in a way that considers and respects
individual as well as cultural differences.
The increased diversity within the United States makes it even more important to
know how to handle conflict. It is often difficult to recognize, however—
signposts and guidelines are not clear, and body language is often hard to read.
More material has recently come to light about communication conflicts between
men and women, but there are many instances in which people’s actions in
general are being misinterpreted—instances when they are behaving in ways they
believe are totally innocent. Recognizing the signs and acting sensitively can go a
long way toward prevention or resolution.
This book focuses on activities and self-study exercises. Some exercises point out
ways to look at conflict, while others help people explore their own beliefs and
values. Other exercises deal with how to understand individual conflict styles.
The objective is to be able to recognize conflict, size up the situation, and keep it
from becoming destructive to ongoing relationships. The activities and exercises
also offer ways in which parties can recognize the kinds of language that might
make things worse, as well as explore what might be done or said to make things
better.
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50 Activities for Conflict Resolution
Certain assumptions form the basis for the activities in this book:
• One of the goals is to help those giving and receiving messages avoid mis-
understandings and be accurate in using language and communication skills.
• Nonjudgmental communication skills can help people who must diffuse
volatile situations.
• In resolving conflicts, it is important to meet the interests and needs of all
parties, and to work toward an agreement that is acceptable to each indivi-
dual and the organization as a whole.
• The path to conflict resolution is not the sole responsibility of any one
person, but rather of all of those involved.
• Acknowledging differences up front is an important step in interactions
involving values and behavior in diversity issues.
• The more one knows about conflict styles (one’s own natural styles, as well
as the styles of others), the more effective the solution.
• Practicing good communication skills will help you resolve conflicts, as well
as prevent them from escalating.
The authors assume that those who are conducting these activities or partici-
pating in them will be comfortable with our short, experiential style, which
presents an opportunity to learn in an interactive way. Finally, the activities are
designed to be non-threatening, and designed for success.
The objective of this book is to provide a series of learning experiences carefully
constructed to:
• Look at conflict and its various stages
• Understand the impact of differences on conflict
• Become comfortable with various conflict styles and resolution methods
• Learn responsible and effective communication skills
This book is not a road map to the complete conflict resolution process. However,
it does address techniques and approaches to conflict resolution by teaching
respect for the individual, the problem, and the process. In it we stress the
importance of understanding differing values and perceptions, which often cause
conflict without our realizing it.
viii
Introduction

Whether you are a dispute resolution specialist, a trainer, a manager, or anyone
else whose responsibility includes dealing with conflict, this book is for you. It is
unique in that it addresses two very important topics in specific sections: Group
Learning in Part 1, and Self Development in Part 2.
Though both of these sections deal primarily with conflict and conflict
resolution, the beauty of the activities and exercises is that they can be
incorporated in any number of other training programs. They fit in well with
subjects dealing with Management and Leadership, as well as those related to
Communication. Trainers in the field of Negotiation, Interpersonal Skills,
Diversity, or Problem Solving will also find both sections useful.
Each section of this book on conflict resolution uses workshop activities and
self-study exercises; some point out ways to look at disputes, while others help
people explore their own beliefs and values concerning conflict. There are
additional exercises dealing with conflict styles and resolution skills.
The overall objective is to show you how to recognize conflict and size up a
particular situation, and help you learn how to prevent it from becoming
destructive to a new or ongoing relationship. The activities and exercises also
offer ways to avoid using the kind of language that makes things worse, and
explore what can be done or said to make things better.
The two different sections of the book are described below to give you an idea of
their contents and how they can be used.
Part 1—Group Learning
Part 1 offers 25 easy-to-use interactive activities designed for use in a workshop
setting by facilitators and trainers to help participants understand disputes and
the impact of various styles of dealing with conflict. The section also includes
conflict-resolution models and practice activities for developing the skills for
resolution. The wide range of topics in Part 1 encourage participants to explore
conflict in general, learn about their own personal styles and approaches, and
understand conflict issues in terms of values and perceptions. The balance of the
activities deal with the actual skills needed to resolve conflict situations and
provide opportunities for skill practice.
These activities are completely interactive, but they have been designed to offer
step-by-step instructions so that they can be put into practice by trainers,
counselors, managers, and other leaders, Each activity in the front of the book
follows the same format:
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