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Topic: Main Complex Parking Garage – WARNING!!! Login

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Replies: 2 - Last Post: Apr 1, 2008 4:12 PM by: Guest Topics: [ Previous | Next ]
Closing In on Rule of 50 Main Complex Parking Garage – WARNING!!!
Reply
Posted: Apr 1, 2008 2:45 PM

I just want to alert all staff, and particularly women like me, of a scam underway.
Last week, I was walking to my car in the MC-garage when two attractive, well-
built male JPAs appeared from nowhere, wearing tank tops that accentuated their
incredible bodies. Speaking in sexy Italian accents, they convinced me that their
car had broken down, and they needed a ride out of the garage.
Well, once we got into my car, things happened very fast. One of the JPAs started
to whisper sweetly in my ear, telling me he wanted to make passionate love to me,
right then and there. Well, it got hot and heavy, but what I didn't notice was that
while I was distracted, the second JPA stole my purse!
So I urge all of my colleagues to BE CAREFUL! My purse was stolen last Tuesday
and Wednesday, twice on Thursday, and twice again on Friday (almost three
times!), even though it was my AWS day. I think it will be stolen later today, too.

Tanya Sisler RPoes:t Cedo:m Applre 1x ,P 2a0r0k8in 3g: 4G9a rPaMg e – iWn AreRspNoINnsGe! !t!o : Closing In on Rule of 50 Reply

Posts: 8 GSD Security urges ALL staff to be vigilant and report any suspicious behavior to

Registered: 1/16/07 202-458-8888. Thank you.
Tanya Sisler, GSD Security

Guest Re: Complex Parking Garage – WARNING!!! Reply
Posted: Apr 1, 2008 4:12 PM in response to: Closing In on Rule of 50

My car is parked in the H building, space 309. I would like my purse stolen
tonight at about 6:30. Thanks.
Bank Swirled
Vol. 24, No. 1 April 1, 2008
We Don’t Make This Stuff Up
BOMB SCARE NEW LOAN INITIATIVE
At a press conference this morning, Incident Commander Van Pulley World Bank President Bob Zoellick will unveil a new initiative to
refused to confirm or deny new information leaked to Bank Swirled bolster donor confidence, sources have told Bank Swirled (thanks,
investigative reporters about the telephoned bomb scare that closed Caroline!). Zoellick will propose that starting today, Bank borrowers
the Bank Group’s Washington offices on January 18. Anonymous must “promise to repay a loan before receiving a loan.”
sources close to Commander Pulley (thanks, Tanya!) told Bank Swirled
that the irate caller had to make three attempts before her warning was Some economists such as Nobel Prize winner Joe Stiglitz expressed
taken seriously. The first call was to the HR Service Center on Decem- doubts about the long-term viability of the initiative, suggesting the
ber 29, but per standard HR procedures, the caller was placed on hold proposal is potentially flawed in the sense that it “will destroy the
for over three hours, and eventually hung up. The second call, made planet Earth.” Others in the development community hailed the pro-
on January 4, was to the ISG Helpdesk at x32121, and as soon as the posal as a breakthrough of “something,” but could not say what.
Tier 1 contractor heard the word “building,” he forwarded the call to
GSD and closed the ticket. Unfortunately, the call was cold-trans- Former Bank President Jim Wolfensohn, reached in Jackson Hole,
ferred to the Parking Office, and retrieved only when a Parking Office commented that “this idea was my ninth MDG, but unfortunately I
contractor returned from voicemail training on January 11. Because wrote it on a napkin, and then spilled my kangaroo stew, and, well, if
the second day of training included how to forward messages, Al Bob wants the credit, that’s fine.” Former Bank President Paul
Kamen of the Washington Post was kind enough to send an email Wolfowitz, reached at AEI kneading three metallic balls, insisted “I did
with the attached .wmf file of the threat to General Counsel Ana Palacio’s nothing wrong, you’ll see. I probably would have come up with the
GSM cell phone. Ms. Palacio was in Paris at the press conference same idea if it weren’t for the conniving, mutinous plots that were
announcing the publication of the Attali Commission report on France’s launched against me after I was nominated. Yes, even before that.
economy, and just as President Sarkozy was announcing liberaliza- Those missing strawberries were right next to the WMDs. I can prove
tion of the foie gras sector, her cell phone began to vibrate, so she it. Robin, get me that bucket of sand!” Former Bank Chief Economist
turned and slapped Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who was standing be- Nick Stern noted that “this is a risky undertaking for the Bank, akin to
side her at the event, and ignored the message. redesigning the tray intakes in the MC cafeteria late last year – dan-
gerous, confusing and messy. Luckily, my brother and I are no longer
Meanwhile, the intrepid and resilient caller finally got through to a live at the Bank, thus mitigating any risk to our retirement income.” Finally,
operator at the new GSD helpline, x31010, on January 17. Following newly-appointed Chief Economist Justin Yifu Lin did not return sev-
standard procedures, the Chennai-based agent carefully and meticu- eral messages, instead referring all calls to “a Party spokesman” who
lously filled out all 425 fields of a Remedy ticket. Because of elephant released a statement that Lin “supports any economic provisions
noises heard in the background of the phoned threat, the Chennai which guarantee the success of the 2008 Olympic Games.”
facility itself was then temporarily evacuated and swept for bombs, so
11 hours passed before the agent returned to her cubicle and routed
the ticket to GSD Security in Washington.
Finally aware, GSD Security followed established procedure and initi-
ated their bomb threat protocol by decamping to the Bank’s Business
Continuity Center in Virginia to direct further operations before noti-
fying anyone else. Due to evening rush hour traffic, the security team
arrived at 8 p.m., had a leisurely dinner at a nearby Outback Steak
House, and then sprung into action, ordering a canine sweep of the
buildings. A communications glitch caused the D.C. Metropolitan
Police initially to send their ceremonial dachshund squad. When the
bomb-sniffing German shepherds were finally deployed, time had run
out, forcing Incident Commander Pulley to close the Bank on Friday,
January 18 after consultations with the Audit Committee, COGAM,
and the Gender and Bombing Thematic Group, and with the under-
standing that everyone was on AWS anyway.
Following his decision, Incident Commander Pulley then met with the
Bank’s Emergency Management Team to determine whether or not
staff should be informed. After hearing all the arguments, Pulley in-
voked the Bank’s $5.4 million emergency communications program,
Dialogic, to contact staff via their cell phones.
Dialogic successfully called 14 staff members (none in IFC) before Designed to reduce the overall carbon footprint of operations,
failing due to software glitches. Of these, 11 were on mission and did the GEF Secretariat’s new travel policy has proven to be
not receive the call. Of those who did receive the call, none was an
controversial. “We strongly object to the lack of business class
active employee.
seating,” said Staff Association Chair P.C. Mohan.
Strictly Confidential: Numbered Copy 27 Page 1
NEW ETHICS E-LEARNING
Bank Swirled © Copyright April 1, 2008 by EXC Publications, Inc.,
The Office of Ethics and Business Conduct (EBC) – soon to be “INT-
a joint venture of the World Bank Group and Yang-Ro Yoon. Unau-
Lite” – has announced a mandatory new course for all staff as part of
thorized duplication of this document is prohibited by Staff Rule
its Corruption Reduction and Awareness Program (CRAP).
7.13, Satire and Employee Responsibility. Printed on paper manufac-
The CRAP begins with each participant drinking a mandatory cup of tured from original growth virgin mahogany trees clear-cut from Ama-
Integra Tea®, a designer beverage developed by INT culinary engi- zon basin rainforests. Do not recycle. Do not reuse. Deposit this
neers that renders staff extremely susceptible to “higher learning.” As document directly in a landfill (after soaking it in polychlorinated
the tea’s unique properties overcome the course participant, a leather biphenyl), or litter it from your SUV window. This publication was
Integra T-Belt® is cinched around the participant’s midsection, and written and typeset on company time using an ED4 Gold Version
attached to an Integra T-Waterboard®, immobilizing the participant desktop with pirated software (thanks, Nat!). Our Internal Orders
so that a live puppet show entitled And Justice For All can be viewed. are 2013135 and 2012980. Our auditor is still Arthur Andersen.
Please direct all negative comments and complaints to Marwan
Act I opens with Manager Muskox engaging in a forbidden love affair
Muasher, but not via Notes, since he doesn’t read email.
with JPA Squirrel. His Admin Assistant Aardvark discovers the clan-
destine affair when she unexpectedly enters the supply closet to
Bank Swirled was designed, written and produced by the World
“borrow” a Glue-Stick for her eldest pup’s art project. Thinking fast on
Bank Group’s 87-person Offshore Humor Team (Chennai) during
his hooves, Muskox persuades Aardvark to keep the affair with Squir-
the first quarter of CY08 at a total cost of $193 (labor, materials and
rel secret in exchange for a “5” performance rating. Besides, Admin
Aardvark knows that Manager Muskox will dump JPA Squirrel as depreciation) plus $32,305 (cost of 2-day mission from HQ via
soon as Mistress Minx returns from the Country Office assignment Paris by a male manager and a female JPA). No actual World Bank
Muskox arranged for Minx after Minx began to “show” too much Group managers were injured during document production.
growth in her position.
Visit our webpage (and 23 years of back issues) at
Act II introduces our hero, Trent Trufflepig, crackerjack EBC/INT-Lite www.bankswirled.org
investigator, who uses his uncanny sense of smell to uproot Manager
Muskox’s unethical conspiracy. Muskox feels the cold slap of Bank We are always looking for new talent, especially as our ranks are
managerial justice when, at his “30 Years of Excellent Service Party,” decimated by fat gross plan retirements and dismissal for ethics
the champagne allowance is cruelly halved. Admin Aardvark is also
violations, often at the same time. Please send us contributions. If
punished in typical Bank fashion when she is arrested, cavity searched
you are funny, you can join us, and if you are really funny, you can
for stolen adhesives, and “shot while trying to escape.”
edit the next issue!
Act III lifts our spirits as JPA Squirrel catches the eye of just-divorced
E-mail us at [email protected]
VP Vole at Manager Muskox’s “30 Years of Excellent Service Party.”
Squirrel joins Vole’s team and begins to exhibit her unique nocturnal
nut-gathering abilities. Bank Swirled
Bob Zoellick, Editor-in-Chief
In the Finale, the entire puppet cast assembles on stage for a rousing
Caroline Anstey, Lead Gatekeeper
chorus of the And Justice For All Polka.
Van Pulley, Incident Commander
Surviving CRAP graduates are issued an “Ethics-POD” (ePOD) that
interweaves subliminal messages into every song the graduate had
pirated with LimeWire. Sample messages include: I Will Buy My Own
Glue Sticks, Home Printer Paper Is Sold In Stores, Bank-Issued Cell
Phones Are For Business Use Only, and Every Penny of That SOE
Can Be Properly Accounted For, My Love, My Love. NOTE: Staff
who attend the morning session and fail to return after lunch will be
“shot while trying to escape.”
INDIA HEALTH SECTOR
A senior World Bank official is in stable condition after being airlifted
by an Indian Air Force helicopter from a hospital in Bhubaneswar,
Orissa to the American Hospital in Mumbai. According to Procure-
ment Sector Board sources, the official suffered a severe outbreak of
hives after Bank President Robert Zoellick authorized publication of
INT’s Detailed Implementation Review of the India health sector. DIRs
highlight corrupt practices in Bank-related projects (except in ISG,
where DIR is used to highlight corrupt files on a C: drive).
An investigation by Bank Swirled reporters revealed the Orissa “hos-
pital” was actually a luxury office park for Satyam’s health care prac-
tice in India and, coincidentally, the subject of the Bank’s India health
ISG pilots a new high-speed packet delivery system. “You
sector DIR. Reached on his BlackBerry in Mumbai, the official stated
can throw your BlackBerry away,” says CIO Guy De
“both on and off the record” that “only the health sector in India is
Poerck.
corrupt. Now get me some more anti-itch cream - stat!”
Strictly Confidential: Numbered Copy 27 Page 2
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INT OFFICES REDECORATED PRESIDENTIAL TRANSITION
GSD Security Coordinator Gordon McIntosh confirmed today that on After donning blue UN arm bands, Bank Swirled neutral observers
January 18, while police dogs were sweeping Bank buildings after a were permitted inside the Bank President’s office last year to witness
bomb threat, the entire contents of INT’s U-11 offices were shredded. the removal of possessions belonging to outgoing President Paul
“I don’t know how they got all the Aeron chairs, photocopiers and an Wolfowitz. Items carried out (along with Mr. Wolfowitz) included his
HP Digital Press 3250 into those shredders. We’ve also found the signature AH-64D Apache Longbow helicopter Conflict of Interest, a
remains of five beer kegs, a DJ and 30 party hats. But we’re buying file marked “CVs of Foreign Ministers/Willing,” 15 boxes of unmarked
carbon credits to offset them.” GSD Facilities staff are also looking graduate student papers on the Middle East, three boxes of reports
into repair requests from most Bank Directors and VPs for patching marked “INT-Strictly Confidential,” the DVDs of his arrival at 15 Afri-
small holes in the walls of their offices and conference rooms. The can airports, four boxes of new Jockey socks purchased on sale at
Staff Association, Ombudsman, and Ethics Offices were also affected. Macy’s and still in their original packages, a set of FedEx boxes pre-
addressed to the Wall Street Journal, a custom deck of cards with
Among those calling was Bank President Bob Zoellick. “I noticed the Deep Insider as the ace of spades, a Tunisian cookbook, Xavier Coll’s
smell of fresh paint when I arrived at 4 a.m. after my morning run home address and regular commuting pattern in Luxembourg, and
during which I also mark up my one-pagers,” Zoellick told Bank three bottles of Veuve Clicquot White Label in a Trader Joe’s reusable
Swirled, “but I called because there were footprints, the same color as shopping bag. The pit bull that accompanied Wolfowitz had resigned
the wall, on the carpet just below the picture of me crossing the and was shipped separately, to the relief of the senior management
Boston Marathon finish line, and I wanted it cleaned before my 6 a.m. team members who personally packed and crated Wolfowitz’s be-
meeting. Besides, I thought that the couch for my visitors was blue.” longings, carried them down to the loading dock and put them in an
GSD Director Van Pulley arrived at 5:50 a.m. and personally replaced unmarked van that Graeme Wheeler rented from Hertz with his P-card.
the paint-tracked carpet tiles and touched up the paint. Interpol is
matching the evidence removed from Mr. Zoellick’s office to its world- Less neutral Bank Swirled observers remained in place for the subse-
wide database of Ferragamo footprints. All female MDs and VPs (cur- quent arrival of President Robert Zoellick. After being welcomed with
rent and former) have been asked to submit a sample of their footwear Gatorade, movers toted Zoellick’s relatively modest possessions (by
using GSD’s new Designer Footwear Disclosure Form. Bank presidential standards) into the office. They included seven
pairs of Mizuno Wave Legend motion-control running shoes (with
Bank interior designer Sarajane Johnson confirmed that something midsole support), four boxes of fine-point markers for annotating
was amiss. “Bob’s couch was blue brocade, and this is tangerine,” one-page briefing notes, a “For Action” stamp, two NordicTracks
she sniffed. “Something a Republican K Street lobbyist would own. (one for a visitor) for use on inclement days, both with document
Van did a nice job painting, though. I think he missed his true calling.” reading trays and BlackBerry holders, a designer NordicTrack Bun
Master Toilet Seat (a gift from the Norwegian ED), a collection of
Sources close to the investigation (thanks, Robbie) have revealed Doha airport duty-free bags, the skin of a subsidized European cow
that the only clue discovered so far is a Ferragamo shoe box, filled branded with Sir Nicholas Stern’s initials, and a red phone with direct
with shrunken heads, that was left behind on the U-building loading lines to Dick Cheney and the men’s 10,000-meter world champion,
dock. Ethiopian middle-distance runner Kenenisa Bekele.
With the QAG Travel Specialist on maternity leave, the STCs arrive in Haiti after making their own flight arrangements
to quality-assure the Second Seabed Mining project.
Strictly Confidential: Numbered Copy 27 Page 4
Bank Swirled v. IBRD Sort by: Title No# Date
Decision No. 401

Bank Swirled, Applicant
v.
International Bank for Reconstruction and Development, Respondent
1. This judgment is rendered by a Panel of the Tribunal, established in accordance with Article V(2) of the Tribunal’s Statute, and
composed of Jan Paulsson, President, and Judges S. Christie, F. Feliciano and S. Schwebel. Applicant’s request for anonymity was
denied; everyone knows the authors, but if the Tribunal put the names on the Internet, it wouldn’t be as much fun, would it?
Relevant Facts

2. On 1 April 2007, the Applicant released its 23rd annual publication of Bank Swirled, which summarized the previous year’s World
Bank Group management activities, occasionally satirically. After the 1 April publication went to press, “The Current Situation” (TCS)
began, culminating with the resignation of President Wolfowitz, the retirement of HR Vice President Xavier Coll, and other satire-rich
events. Thus, the 2007 edition was completely devoid of content related to these actions.
Contentions of the Parties
3. Applicant makes the following contention: if TCS had started in February 2007 instead of two months later, the 23rd edition of Bank
Swirled would have “written itself,” thus sparing the authors valuable time that could have been spent “padding SOEs, reviewing the
HRKiosk pension calculator, and counting down to the Rule of 85.” As relief, Applicant requests:
(i) reinstatement of Paul Wolfowitz as Bank President for a “satirically significant” period of time;
(ii) access to Suzanne Rich Folsom’s personal files (including the information classified as “double top secret”);
(iii) access to Shaha Riza’s personnel files (including the information classified as “leak by 2009”);
(iv) access to Robin Cleveland’s Cadillac Escalade (with full tank of unleaded premium gasoline) or Kevin Kellums’ sauna;
(v) one dozen Krispy Creme glazed donuts, arranged such that the donut with the greatest circumference is located in the
upper left corner of the box, while the donut with the smallest circumference resides in the lower right, unless a donut with a
smaller circumference exhibits an obvious abundance of glaze, in which case said donut should occupy the upper left corner
of the box, followed by the donut with the greatest circumference, and so on; all fresh);
(vi) an untraceable P-Card charged to the IFC Johannesburg office; and
(vii) any and all other relief deemed by the Tribunal to be fair and just.
4. Respondent in its answer makes the following primary contentions:
(i) TCS is no longer current, even though most of the actors still grace the H-Building fitness center;
(ii) Legal is too busy shredding papers related to TCS to respond to the Tribunal’s voir dire; and
(iii) Both the New Yorker and the Washington Post scooped Applicant, and Vanity Fair refused to publish an Annie Liebovitz
photo shoot of Applicant on the beaches of Playa del Carmen, ostensibly QAGing the Mexico Roads project.
Considerations
5. Applicant’s argument simply is not funny.

Decision

For the above reason, the Applicant is awarded 1 (one) unglazed donut, stale, randomly arranged.

/S/ Jan Paulsson /S/ Zakir Hafez
Jan Paulsson Zakir Hafez
President Counsel

At Washington, DC, 1 April 2008
Now Playing at the
World Bank Gigaplex
The Bank Job. “Shockumentary” on the external recruit-
ment process. The Sector Board clearance scenes are
particularly gruesome and not suitable for most viewers.
300. IMF staff members make their final stand.
No Country for Old Men. A YP refuses to go on mission
with his Sector Manager.
There Will Be Blood. Robert Zoellick and Hasan Tuluy
review the Staff Survey Results.
Hairspray. Trent Lott’s barber reveals the secrets behind
the President’s haircut.
Fools’ Gold. Aulikki Kuusela’s tour de force on the Early
Out program.
Semi-Pro. Guy De Poerck trains for the Tour de France.
Persepolis. Urban team hopes that renaming the project
will avoid questions about whether the Bank loan will con-
form to Security Council prohibitions on lending to Iran.
Tired of a slow response from your Definitely, Maybe. Michael Moore’s documentary of the
Bank’s Strategic Directions. Performed by Celine Dion and
internal security team?
Eminem, the Six Themes score was nominated for Best
Song at the 2008 Academy Awards.
Now you can outsource bomb threat warnings to
Untraceable. Documentary on Paul Wolfowitz’s search
for Deep Insider and other WMDs.
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Strictly Confidential: Numbered Copy 27 Page 6
The Absurder

by Boris Summor
Although, on balance, the departures just to compensate for superficial content, or for script is not yet done (Nichola caught me
before International Women’s Day pre- substitute speakers coerced at the last minute perusing the W-drive for draft memos, so I
sented a very good week for women at the from QAG. Since the Learning Board evalua- must now write from home, but at least the
Bank, we are still not much closer to a strat- tions of the Knowledge Bank confirmed what Bank pays for my Comcast internet con-
egy. At least we have legions of retiree STCs everyone already knows – that travel or not, nection so in the event Van convenes the
working on some strategic directions (six, I food or not, Bank training doesn’t work, and Emergency Management Team, I can watch
think), but if you don’t know where you’re IFC training is worse – I opted for the “sub- his news conference on MSNBC in high
going, any direction will do. No wonder none stantial lunch, with wine, will be served” of- definition), Bitsy’s biggest challenge is find-
of the Millennials come to the town halls to ferings. From a learning perspective, it was ing out where everyone is now. Paul was
discuss them. The presenters don’t do all about the same as filling the SUV with easy, as he’s returned to his lifelong pas-
PowerPoint well and the level of generali- premium petrol or ethanol. Well, not quite sion of giving brilliant advice to the U.S.
ties confirms that old saw: “If you continue the same, since as Juergen knows very well government. But the others have scattered
to do what you’ve always done, don’t be that ethanol in the SUV keeps ARD at the to the corners of the globe such that even a
surprised that you get what you always top of Bob’s strategic agenda, fuels our car- fake emergency travel trip couldn’t reach
got.” Sounds like a motto for “Recruitment bon finance business (so to speak) and them all. Bitsy’s research was nonetheless
and Talent Search.” Not that I don’t believe makes my Cargill shares far more valuable. successful, as she apparently inherited
in ‘inclusive and sustainable globalization’ But I digress. Muffy’s perseverance and charm, and my
even if the YP Selection Committee decided EBC’s course on “Cheek versus Gall Ex- ADD. Her interviews revealed former play-
to go the safe route and hire only two Afri- plained for Senior Highway Engineers” was ers who recently assembled a PowerPoint
cans for 45 slots. At least everyone is too excellent, according to the evaluation forms presentation of a points trip to Bhutan, who
smart and not pretty enough to be a JPA. thoughtfully pre-completed by the instruc- worked from home running an anger man-
I last chatted about ‘big issues’ on Fri- tors. I am now able to make the correct dis- agement counseling service for women, who
day, January 18. Although it was my AWS tinctions for the ethics annex of a PAD (An- traveled on Air France to Paris, who pre-
Day, I came in to help Suzanne and Glenn nex 34B for the new arrivals). “Cheek” is giv- tended to enjoy Newcastle-upon-Tyne
pack and remove personal (and Bank) be- ing your mistress an open-ended appoint- while overseeing another failed bank, who
longings. Truth be told, I am not at all fond ment. “Gall” is rating her outstanding so ignored emails from their nationals, who
of wiener dogs, wearing cute little GAC- someone else will take her since your suc- helped women in central Asian cities start
logoed coats to protect against the cold, so cessor is not so impressed by her work. small businesses with imported blue ribbon,
I couldn’t quite work out why Pete and the “Cheek” is thinking that living in a tent is and who searched for the relevance their
guards were walking dachshunds. It became relevant to the Bank’s work on post-conflict. predecessors had in spades. I could go on
abundantly clear three weeks later, when I “Gall” is promoting someone for having lived and on (and I very well may at the next Sec-
got the Dialogic message that the Bank was in a tent. “Cheek” is retiring early because tor Board meeting).
closed that day. Interestingly, the nearby bu- the exchange rate for the Home Currency Meanwhile, “Deep Insider” has left the
reaucrats wanted to pet them – the dogs, Pension Option will never be so good. “Gall” job as coffee and cookies server on the 12th
that is – as they went sniffing down the ramp is retiring early because of the favorable ex- floor to become the Senior Vice President of
into the MC Garage. change rate for the Home Currency Pension Social Media and Blogging for Sodexho,
The buffet of learning events at SDN Fort- Option but in actuality staying on as an STC and I understand Brangelina are interested.
night was particularly splendid this year, like in your old job and continuing to manage Michele Egan wants to play herself, and
breakfast at the Oriental in Bangkok. My the unit and its budget. “Cheek” is express- has retained Ari from HBO’s Entourage as
JPAs focused on the stuff they could text ing general concern over the Staff Survey her agent. Several regional VPs and one MD
through while getting credit in the LMS. In Results. “Gall” is appointing managers who claim to be “Voice of Reason” but that’s
fact, several of them double-booked, which are responsible for them to the Staff Survey improbable, so we will cast Steve Martin in
they thought would look good on their CVs Steering Committee. The retiree STC panel- that role. Or maybe Xavier, who I recently
as they applied to lesser grad schools that ists made it look so effortless, so the next saw at a La Rambla café, writing emails to
are impressed by such resumé inflation and QAG mission to Biarritz should be easy! himself. Britney wants to play Aulikki, but
don’t do reference or security checks. Since Muffy and I are delighted that all those so does Uma (whose Swedish grandmother
Kathy is determined to bring some honor to years we supported 25 percent of Bitsy’s film may give her an edge and help the diversity
the merged network (not so much, though, studies at McGill (up to the maximum amount index). “The Beaver” has moved on to work
as to admit it’s not working and probably established by Personnel each year for for Senator Vitter’s reelection in New Or-
never will until it’s deconstructed, like the Canada) are now paying off. When we sat leans. Like “Client 9,” he’ll need better help
Daimler Chrysler merger, so it’s again safe together in United First from Beijing, I per- than that. James Earl Jones and Samuel Jack-
to buy a Benz or build a dam), I focused on suaded Steven Spielberg to underwrite son are having a light saber fight; the win-
the values issues. Because I was lead pre- Bitsy’s movie adaptation of my work-in- ner plays Paatii. Allison Janney is interested
senter at “The Dilemma of Slide Rules ver- progress on “The Current Situation.” Steve in playing Robin, as a “rare creative oppor-
sus Excel” – where my acetate transparen- was intrigued by a new genre Bitsy is using, tunity to reprise the role of Peaches the Star-
cies and overhead projector were big hits – docucomedy, that I expect will win many fish from Finding Nemo.” I have to get back
I got first choice of the oversubscribed Oscars, and he just adored my working title, to the book soon, I wouldn’t want to have
events, concentrating on sessions catered Seven Weeks in April. Even though my manu- to take LWOP to promote it.
Strictly Confidential: Numbered Copy 27 Page 7
April 1, 2008
Dear First Class Passenger,
Thank you for choosing to travel on the World Bank Line’s Global Economy, where our motto
is “A Rising Tide Raises All Boats, But It Raises Ours the Most.” We would like to take this
opportunity to squelch two rumors raised by the Staff Association.
Rumor 1: Your security, stature and well-being are jeopardized by the growing number of persons traveling in
“steerage class.”
While we do carry an ever-increasing number of steerage class passengers (who travel with
us on less than $1 per day), our patented system of barriers makes it virtually impossible for
them to reach you or your property. Furthermore, our steerage class passengers make
excellent ballast, which is required to keep our first-class cabins oriented correctly as we
move forward in all weather conditions.
Rumor 2: Global warming will melt the ice caps and cause dangerous obstacles to float into our path.
This is nonsense. The only effect of melting ice caps would be to raise tides – and thus all
luxury liners – even higher in the water! To support this concept, you’ll find a plethora of
Country Assistance Strategies in our ship’s library, filled with colorful charts forecasting
record high tides for even our poorest ports of call. And we have hundreds of JPAs and
ETCs onboard to add to this library every day! Of course, in the unlikely event we encounter
any danger, the luxurious first-class areas of the Global Economy are strong enough to survive
any crash. And remember that in a worst-case scenario, there are no lifeboats or safety nets
for steerage class, but plenty for you – and your pets. (Sorry, your G5 domestic does not
technically qualify as a pet, even if you treat her as such.)
So with full confidence, we say “More coal! More oil! More ballast! More PowerPoint! More
videoconferences! More offshoring! Publish those WDRs! Send your project to the Board!
Pay attention to QAG! Spend your mobility premium! Full speed ahead!”
Sincerely,
Your World Bank Line Managers of the Global Economy,

Captai n I.M. F. Ewell st
Officer Luc N. de Mirror
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