1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

260 Pages·2007·2.11 MB·English

“…a wonderful tool for parents who want to set firm, loving boundaries for
their kids. I love how this plan is based on biblical principles—and best of all, it works!”

It’s not easy being a Christian parent – Dr. Gary Smalley, author of I Promise
You want kids who listen and children you can enjoy. You want to raise happy and
competent youngsters who grow up to follow God. The Bible is full of parenting
principles, but how do you apply them? How do you “Train up a child in the way he
should go…”(Proverbs 22:6)? 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents is a proven biblical guide
that addresses the difficult task of child discipline with clarity, honesty and wisdom.
1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents About the Authors…
simplifies the job of parenting into three
Thomas W. Phelan
straightforward steps:
is an internationally
renowned expert
Step 1 Controlling Obnoxious Behavior:
and lecturer on child
Learn one amazingly simple technique to discipline and Attention
get kids to STOP doing what you don’t Deficit Disorder. He
want them to do (whining, arguing, appears frequently
tantrums, sibling rivalry). on radio and TV and
has been engaged in
Step 2 Encouraging Good Behavior: private practice since 1972. Dr. Phelan is
a registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist
Learn several effective methods to get
and is also the author of Surviving Your
your kids to START doing what you do
Adolescents, All About Attention Deficit
want them to do (cleaning rooms, picking
Disorder, Self-Esteem Revolutions in Children,
up, going to bed, homework). and “I Never Get ANYTHING!”
Step 3 Strengthening Your Relationship:
Chris Webb is a National
Learn four powerful methods that reinforce
Certified Counselor and
the bond between you and your children.
an Associate Pastor at
First Baptist Church, Effective
1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents is an
Jackson, Mississippi.
essential resource for any Christian parent
He writes a syndicated
or children’s minister who wants to see newspaper column on Discipline
happy, well-behaved parents enjoying parenting and his
relationships with happy, well-behaved articles have also
for
appeared in many magazines. Chris and
children.
his wife, Jill, are the parents of three
“Biblical principles guide the flow of children and lead parenting and marriage Children
seminars for churches and other groups
the book and provide practical advice
across the country.
for the parent to follow. I plan to use 2-12
P
this book in the parenting conferences W H
and in the classes I teach. I’ll also be E E
B L
purchasing a copy for my son and B A
N
daughter-in-law.”
Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.
– Dr. Marcia McQuitty
Associate Professor of Childhood Ministry
Chris Webb, M.S., M.A.
Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary
Fort Worth, TX
What People Are Saying About 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents: If you like the book, you’ll love the movies!
Now, two DVDs make the awarding-winning and best-selling
“1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents is a wonderful, effective tool for parents who want to set firm,
loving boundaries for their kids. The method is simple and easy to remember, a feature that 1-2-3 Magic program come to life. Down-to-earth, humorous and practical,
comes in handy when children launch a surprise temper tantrum. I love how this plan is based these programs help you raise competent, enjoyable and happy kids.
on biblical principles—and best of all, it works!” The DVDs are also great small-group resources. Free small-group
– Dr. Gary Smalley leader guides are available.
Author of I Promise: How 5 Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage
“This book is practical and helpful, and the humorous and memorable stories included make it a With 1-2-3 Magic you will learn:
truly enjoyable read. 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents is written in simple language that is easily How to avoid the two biggest
understood by most parents and that allows them to immediately apply the principles outlined in parenting mistakes
each chapter. As a licensed counselor, I liked the way problems with enforcing the 1-2-3 method
How to get your kids to STOP doing
are anticipated and addressed. Answers to these problems are provided ahead of time so parents
what you don’t want them to do (arguing,
will be prepared to handle them.”
whining, tantrums, sibling rivalry, etc.)
– Barbara Martin, LPC, LMFT How to encourage your kids to START
Clinic Coordinator/Supervisor, Reformed Theological Seminary
doing what you want them to do
How to avoid the
“1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents is the user manual that should come with children.
Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome
I wish I’d had it years ago!”
How to handle misbehavior in public
– Terri Blackstock, Author of Last Light and Cape Refuge
How to deal with the Six Kinds of
Testing and Manipulation
“While many Christian parenting books seem to soar forever in the ethereal regions of How to get started:
biblical theory, 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents is an excellent resource that provides practical
The Kickoff Conversation
counsel and down-to-earth wisdom for moms and dads.”
120-minute, color
– Dr. John Talbert
ISBN No. 1-889140-20-1
First Southern Baptist Church of Northglenn, Colorado
“This book gives practical, simple, and biblical guidelines for disciplining children. As a counselor
More 1-2-3 Magic covers:
and a mother of three small children, I have seen first hand that the principles in this program
work! I believe this is an excellent tool for parents, churches, and clinicians.” Three parental qualities that foster
– Susan Wolgamott, MAMFT competence in kids
How to encourage and respect your
child’s growing independence
“We’ve all been there as Christian parents, trying to find the appropriate way to discipline our
children in love. 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents is a simple, effective and Biblical way to Ten strategies for building self-esteem
implement a strategy in your home that helps to build effective relationships and to ‘train up Up and out in the morning
a child in the way he should go.’ I highly recommend this book to all parents and churches.” How to get your kids to pick up
– Jim Thomas after themselves
Associate Pastor of Adult Education and Church Growth, Parkway Hills Baptist Church Making mealtimes more enjoyable
How to avoid Homework Civil Wars
“I have examined many parenting tools in my career as counselor and educator. 1-2-3 Magic for
Going to bed and staying there!
Christian Parents is very effective and one of the easiest to read and to use. I highly recommend
Family Meetings:
this book for all parents and counselors.”
obnoxious but effective
– Dr. Charles A. Boudreaux
Coordinator and Clinical Supervisor 120-minute, color
ISBN No. 1-889140-21-X
Marriage and Family Counseling Master’s Program, Mississippi College
To order, visit
www.familycoachingclinic.com
1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents
Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

1-2-3 Magic
for
Christian Parents
Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.
Chris Webb, M.S., M.A.
ParentMagic, Inc.
Glen Ellyn, Illinois
Copyright © 2007, PARENTMAGIC, INC. All rights reserved. No part of this book
may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechani-
cal, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval
system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Any resemblance between
persons described in this book and actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional. This
book is not intended to replace appropriate diagnosis and/or treatment, when indicated,
by a qualified mental health professional or physician.
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE,
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® (NIV). Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by
International Bible Society. All rights reserved.
Other Scripture quotations are taken from the following sources:
The New King James Version® (NKJV). Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
All rights reserved. The Message: The New Testament in Contemporary English by
Eugene Peterson. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000. All rights reserved.
Holy Bible NEW LIVING TRANSLATION (NLT), Copyright © 1996 by Tyndale
House Publishers. All rights reserved. The New American Standard Bible (NASB),
Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The
Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved.
Illustrations by Dan Farrell
Distributed by Independent Publishers Group
Printed in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
For more information, contact: ParentMagic, Inc.
800 Roosevelt Road
Glen Ellyn, Illinois 60137
Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication
(Provided by Quality Books, Inc.)
Phelan, Thomas W., 1943-
1-2-3 magic for Christian parents / Thomas W. Phelan,
Chris Webb.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN-13: 978-1-889140-24-7
ISBN 1-88914-024-4
1. Discipline of children--Religious aspects--
Christianity. 2. Child rearing--Religious aspects--
Christianity. I. Webb, Chris, 1967- II. Title.
III. Title: One two three magic for Christian parents.
IV. Title: 123 magic for Christian parents. V. Title:
Christian parents.
HQ770.4.P45 2007 649’.6408827
QBI07-600202
To our children who were raised with 1-2-3 Magic:
Reagan, Kennedy, John Walker,
Julie and Tom
Thanks for bringing joy to our lives.

Contents
Preface i
Parenting: Not for the Faint of Heart! 1
PART I: STRAIGHT THINKING

1. Is It Magic? 7
2. Stop Behavior and Start Behavior 11
3. The Little Adult Assumption 15
4. The Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes 21
PART II: CONTROLLING OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR

5. Counting Obnoxious Behavior 27
6. Twenty Questions 43
7. What to Do in Public 61
8. Variations: Sibling Rivalry, Tantrums
and Pouting 71
9. The Kickoff Conversation 77
PART III: NO CHILD WILL THANK YOU

10. The Six Kinds of Testing
and Manipulation 83
11. Love in Action 97
12. More Serious Offenses 107

PART IV: ENCOURAGING GOOD BEHAVIOR

13. 7 Start Behavior Tactics 123
14. Up and Out in the Morning 141
15. Cleaning Rooms, Picking Up
and Chores 149
16. Mealtimes 157
17. Homework and Practicing 163
18. Bedtime and Nighttime Waking 171
19. The Family Meeting 183
20. When Do You Talk? 191

PART V: STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

21. Your Child's Self-Esteem 199
22. Overparenting 205
23. Affection and Praise 211
24. Real Magic: One-on-One Fun 217
25. Active Listening 223
26. Your New Life 231
Index 237