Why I Cheat: Men, Marriage, and Cheating

367 Pages·2014·1.32 MB·English

by  Tim Patten

WHY I CHEAT
Men, Marriage, and Cheating

Copyright © 2014, 2015 Tim Patten.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system
without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical
articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-2449-1 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4917-2451-4 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-4917-2450-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014903020

iUniverse rev. date: 01/29/2015
Contents
Introduction
Disclaimer
1: Why I Cheat
2: Shelly’s Love Dream
3: Painful Love
4: I Am Committed
5: Brotherhood Code Destroyed
6: A Man in Love
7: Facebook Secrets
8: Shame on You
9: I Want a Family
10: Monogamy Sucks
11: Lady Derringer’s Sex
Epilogue
The Full Manifesto of the Authentic Male
Footnote References
Introduction

I
wrote this book to empower men about lust, romance, and love for women.
Inside are eleven real life cautionary tales of mind-games and dangers (legal,
financial, and emotional) that lay hidden ahead when men become involved with
women. These eleven stories, from real and loving couples, can help men make
quality decisions and experience freedom, happiness, and success.

In 2006, a men’s movement began in Japan. It has spread all across the world,
and millions of men are learning a new way to navigate the modern relationship,
dating, and marriage scenes. Mistakenly called a “rage against women” and
“misogynistic”, these men are actually discovering freedom, fulfillment of
dreams, sex, and love, as they dodge proverbial bullets and tunnel under razor
wire.

In generations past, most people claimed marriage would bring them great
happiness. But today this claim is seen as a huge hoax, a complete lie. Women
fill half of the working jobs, and old roles of protector/provider have been
blurred. Evolving economies and attitudes towards men have changed countless
laws. All these changing initiatives place men inside a new paradigm. It’s time
to embrace new ideas about romance and family, to acknowledge that we have
seen the end of “traditional” marriage as society’s highest ideal.

At its core, this book is not so much about cheating or marriage as it is about
FREEDOM: the freedom to be masculine, to live with honesty and integrity.
Prepare yourself for an entertaining, and sometimes tension-filled, journey that
can make life happy and successful.

Here is to freedom!
Disclaimer

T
his book doesn’t claim to represent a complete understanding of all people.
Men and women can both be totally rational and mutually supportive. In real
life, there exist many sides of a person’s character. Some relationships are loving
and nurturing. These stories represent a bias, by the author’s own admission.

The official hook-up guide for men, that concludes these chapters, is full of
referenced facts, making it an easy to use self-help guide.

Many of these stories are reports of real couples in crisis counseling. The
characters come from actual people who have been fictionalized in order to
protect their true identities. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places,
events, and incidents have been changed in order to guard people’s private lives.
Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely
coincidental.

∞∞∞∞
Chapter 1
Why I Cheat

R
ussell Carson could be described as fun, but deep. He was a very small man,
but his mind contained immense thoughts. Great thoughts. He understood that
women liked tall, strong men. With his will, revved up like an engine inside a
sickly body, he sought to understand sex: not the sex act, but what simmers
beneath. Short and waifish, he spent years poring over books in libraries and
conducting research on the Internet, weakening his eyes. The purpose of his
study was to understand and, in turn, to explain to others the nature of
masculinity and male lust. Sex was always on his mind. His goal was to unravel
the mystery of sexual desire and the hidden forces within it. He hoped and
prayed that he would be able to explain his sexual urges to his wife, using
science and logic. If only he could summon the bravery to approach the topic.
He knew that for this courage to shine, he and his dick would have to stay
masked in public, like Batman, at least for now.

For three years, Russell plotted his weekly biorhythms and inner urges against
the phases of the moon. Graphs and calendars hung over his desk at home. He
charted his levels of lust and sex-activities, day by day. He amassed a huge
amount of data, then began analyzing his findings. Every day, he dwelled upon
this matter, even while working full-time at the US Census Bureau in San
Antonio, where he used the tools at his disposal to process his data. Einstein said
that if you can’t explain something simply and clearly, it means you don’t
understand it well enough. Before Russell could present his findings to his wife,
and then to the world, he wanted to be sure he understood the root of the
problem.

As a qualified mechanical engineer, with a firm grasp on statistics, he foresaw
his wife’s reaction to his honest announcement.
Russell who the hell do you think you are? Doctor Fuckinstein? Do you think
you’re Masters and Johnsons, or have you been masturbating your Johnson.

Gee, Beth, it’s just a theory. He would sheepishly go back to his research. I
just know I can pull it of; you couldn’t pull yourself off!

Russell’s limbs tingled with the knowledge that the day would come when
he’d explain his theory. His heart pounded at the thought of lugging his truth out
of the closet for the public. Perhaps a man who didn’t love his wife would feel
no qualms about lying to her, but dishonesty taxed Russell deeply. He knew
lying was wrong, so he obsessed about his secrets and longed to release these
dark and hidden ghosts into the daylight. One day he would seize the courage to
confront this problem. Until then he would have to disguise his actual sex
fantasy from Beth.

Albert Einstein sometimes appeared to Russell, asking, “How on earth are you
ever going to explain to her, in terms of chemistry and physics, the biological
phenomenon that is lust?” He waited for Einstein to return an answer. He also
wanted to know why the brain-of-the-century was nicknamed “der Depperte”,
and why he had such a bad haircut.

Russell struggled to come up with profound answers. True, Einstein had
pondered love more than lust, but where was the line dividing the two? Had
Einstein kept his discoveries to himself? Did his great mind withhold the truth?

Love is difficult to define, and Russell’s determination drove him to dig
deeper. How does one avoid the confusion of love with that of infatuation or
lust? For years, philosophers and poets had attempted to discover what love is.
From the apostle Paul to the Beatles, everyone has had a theory. If all you need
is love, why is it that sometimes all you want is lust?

Is love really all you need? Russell wondered. Is any verb used more often and
less specifically? Is the love one feels for sushi the same, qualitatively speaking,
as the love one feels for Mother Nature? He thought if love and lust were always
the same side of the same coin, it would make a terrible mess of the sushi.

Which part of man’s body is involved during lovemaking—the heart or the
dick? When we refer to the prowess of the Latin Lover, do we praise his ability
to serenade the object of his affection and recite poetry to her? Or do we admire
the passion and stamina he brings to a sweaty fuckfest?

Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, and trusting him or her
not to break it. Love means never having to say you’re sorry. Oh, really? Better
to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Really? Russell never
wanted Beth’s love to end. He was beginning to feel as if this word was the
number one condiment of the English vocabulary: the sauce you could splash on
any dish. It’s just that he desired to splash his condiment on many dishes.

Lately, Russell had been having a recurring dream about his current lover.

In the dream, she always said, “I love you, Russell.”

“I love you, too.” Russell’s eyes surveyed the ceiling.

“And I love that you tell me about all the other women you fuck.” She touched
his leg, walking her fingers up his thigh and making his dick grow hard.

“Want to hear more?” he asked, placing both hands on his chest.

“Tell me about fucking in the back of that abandoned car. That turns me on.”
She leaned into him, her hand cupping his manhood, her lips pressing against his
hands. The sexual intensity increased to a level he almost couldn’t bear. That
was always when Russell woke up, feeling warm and fuzzy with memories of
the sex dream. He enjoyed these nocturnal forays. By day Russell was a dorky
Clark Kent, but in his dreams he was SuperFuckMan, from Planet HardOn.

Living a life of harmony, it had been three years since Russell and Beth had
tied the proverbial knot. Beth’s olive skin and willowy body, and her high-
octane personality, entranced Russell. Beth was so full of spunk and energy.
When she was young, her mother had dubbed her “Spitfire”, a nickname that
encapsulated everything about her that Russell adored. The last thing he wanted
to do was to make her unhappy. He couldn’t stand the idea of causing anyone
pain, but could he stay mentally healthy while this secret about his real person
thrashed inside his brain?
Russell hated his scrawny build, which always made a bad first impression on
women. As his physical appearance prevented him from playing the knight in
shining armor, he instead resorted to playing the joker. He would do everything
in his power to make women laugh. Russell had developed a thick skin to shield
him from the pain of the many rejections he encountered. But underneath it all,
he still felt deeply insecure about his slight frame. He looked more like a
fourteen-year-old boy than a grown adult. And the 40-year-old men who were
into 14-year-olds weren’t exactly his type.

All day long, in his office in the Transit Tower Building, Russell perched in
front of a computer with his legs twisted into a pretzel. Over the years, he’d
developed a small hunchback. To add insult to injury, Mother Nature—heartless
bitch that she was—had afflicted him with a condition that caused pasty white
patches to crop up all over his skin. Every day, he covered them up with a
turtleneck sweater and long sleeves. And it was Russell, the blotchy-skinned
Hunchback de San Antonio who bravely decided to take a stand for all men. In
terms of good catches, Russell would have been thrown back by a starving
fisherwoman. Even so, it was time for him to take a heroic stand - a stand that
might wreck his harmonious life with Beth forever.

Perhaps it was because Russell felt like such a loner and outsider that he was
called upon to be understood, to have others acknowledge his inner sex struggle.
He might have been shortchanged when it came to genetics and social skills, but
those losses would eventually lead to a gain for all of mankind. The one thing
Russell had, that so many of his male counterparts lacked, was determination.
And with this essence—some might even call it gallantry—he had enough
purpose to take action and succeed.

Four years before, Russell had joined a gym in his adopted hometown San
Antonio. The conservative Texan men viewed him with suspicion. In the locker
room and the weight lifting area, Russell felt like an oddball, that the others
thought he was gay. He assumed those rednecks spelled gay Y-O-G-A. But
eventually, he stopped going to the gym and enrolled in a private class. It didn’t
hurt that the art of ashtanga yoga was taught by a slender, svelte beauty named
Beth Waymen.