What your body says (and how to master the message) : inspire, influence, build trust, and create lasting business relationships. - Description based on print version record

195 Pages·2010·7.52 MB·English

S $22.95 USA/$27.95 CAN
A
PRAISE FOR Y SH A RON SAY L E R
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What Your Body Says
E Your mouth might be saying one thing in
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meetings, interviews, presentations, and
“ This fascinating book shows you how to become more infl uential and persuasive with other high-stakes interactions, but what
every person you meet.” W about the rest of you? When you’re trying to get a
—BRIAN TRACY, coauthor, The Power of Charm message across, does your body and attitude refl ect
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a your enthusiasm or detract from it? If you want
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“ The simple techniques presented in this powerful book give you the tools to express your verbal and nonverbal signals working together
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your own authentic self and achieve any dream.” o seamlessly for maximum impact, What Your Body Says
u gives you the tools to fully master your messages.
—MARCIA WIEDER, CEO and founder, Dream University
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Laying out simple methods that are easy to use and
“ As a person who has devoted his life to communication, I stand in awe of Sharon Sayler’s o
brilliant book, What Your Body Says. It reveals essential truths in a very readable way d remember, this helpful guide offers a proven approach
y based on the author’s years of research and practice.
and anyone who reads it will be able to capitalize upon the enlightenment she offers in

better understanding and communicating any kinds of messages.” S You’ll get an array of techniques you can use in a
SHARON SAYLER
is the co-owner a
variety of situations, allowing you to communicate
—JAY CONRAD LEVINSON, the Father of Guerrilla Marketing, author, Guerrilla Marketing book series y
and founder of Impression Engineers, an award-
s with more clarity, inspiration, and infl uence.
winning online marketing and design company. As (a
“What Your Body Says gives you the power to nonverbally express your own authentic n
a Certifi ed Group Dynamics and Behavioral Coach, d
and confi dent self.” h What Your Body Says enables you to:
Sharon trains, counsels, and coaches professionals to o
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become stronger, more infl uential communicators —LORRIE MORGAN-FERRERO, www.redhotcopy.com to • Become aware of the signals you are sending—
m intentionally and unintentionally—and their effects
and leaders. Sharon is an active contributor to a
s
SelfGrowth.com and has, for the past two and a half “ What Your Body Says is all about integrity—aligning your speech and your actions. ter • Understand and use gestures to convey intention,
Having written two books on integrity, I’m delighted to see such careful attention given th relationships, information, infl uence, and
years, written the weekly blogs Best Impressions and e
m expectations
to this crucial part of communication.”
Beyond Lip Service. e
s
s • Understand and use your gestures, eyes, tone
—SHEL HOROWITZ, coauthor, Guerrilla Marketing Goes Green, www.guerrillamarketinggoesgreen.com a
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e of voice, and other nonverbals
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Visit Sharon online at www.SharonSayler.com and • Combine the different tools into a new, highly
“ What Your Body Says gives you the tools you need to revolutionize your communication. Ba I
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s leadership, and enthusiastic responses—will start
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coming in loud and clear!
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fm JWBT305-Sayler June14,2010 8:21 PrinterName:CourierWestford,Westford,MA
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fm JWBT305-Sayler June14,2010 8:21 PrinterName:CourierWestford,Westford,MA
What Your Body Says
(and how to master
the message)
Inspire,Influence,BuildTrust,and
CreateLastingBusiness
Relationships
Sharon Sayler
Illustrations by Amy Ruppel
John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
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fm JWBT305-Sayler June14,2010 8:21 PrinterName:CourierWestford,Westford,MA
Copyright(cid:1)C 2010bySharonSayler.Allrightsreserved.
PublishedbyJohnWiley&Sons,Inc.,Hoboken,NewJersey.
PublishedsimultaneouslyinCanada.
Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmittedin
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LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData:
Sayler,Sharon,1956–
Whatyourbodysays(andhowtomasterthemessage):inspire,influence,
buildtrust,andcreatelastingbusinessrelationships/SharonSayler;
illustrationsbyAmyRuppel.
p.cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferences.
ISBN978-0-470-59916-7(cloth)
ISBN978-0-470-76985-0(ebk)
ISBN978-0-470-76986-7(ebk)
ISBN978-0-470-76987-4(ebk)
1.Bodylanguage. 2.Successinbusiness. I.Title.
BF637.N66S292010
153.6(cid:2)9—dc22
2010012323
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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With love to my sons, Adam and Jordan
This book is also dedicated to the many wonder-filled friendships I
have enjoyed. I look forward to the adventure of many more that
lie ahead.
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fm JWBT305-Sayler June14,2010 8:21 PrinterName:CourierWestford,Westford,MA
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fm JWBT305-Sayler June14,2010 8:21 PrinterName:CourierWestford,Westford,MA
Contents
ForewordbyMichaelGrinder ix
ForewordbyMichaelPort xi
AbouttheAuthor xiii
Acknowledgments xv
AboutThisBook xvii
Introduction 1
Understanding the Difference between Power,
Intimidation, and Influence 6
How Influence Equals Opportunity 7
Items of Note 10
1 The Signals You Are Sending 13
Good versus Bad Nonverbals 15
2 How the Signals Work 19
Intentional Gestures Are a Powerful Tool 20
When and How the Gesture Happens 22
How Long to Hold the Gesture 25
“But Wait, There’s More...” Connecting Two
Ideas Nonverbally 25
How to Disconnect Two Ideas Nonverbally 28
v
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vi Contents
3 Gestures of Relationship 33
How to Attach Yourself to a Message 41
How to Create a Visual Placeholder 43
4 Gestures of Location 53
How to Use Locations 54
How to Create a Phantom Location 56
How to Assign Negatives to a Location 57
How to Avoid Cross-Contaminating Your Message 63
5 Gestures That Teach 65
Keep the Gesture Simple and Familiar 66
Verbal and Nonverbal Congruency 70
Do I Always Have to Be Congruent? 71
6 Gestures of Expectation and Influence 73
How to Use Your Posture to Show Your Confidence 74
Manage the Behavior—Not the Person 79
Proactive versus Reactive 80
I Expect You to Wait 83
Power Gestures 86
How to Confirm Others’ Perception of the
Experience 87
7 The Eyes Have It 91
Where Do I Put My Eyes? 92
What Can I Do with My Eyes? 94
Eyes and Emotion 95
How to Manage with Eye Contact 96
Pros and Cons of Little or No Eye Contact 97
8 How the Signals Sound—The Voice 101
Voice Patterns of What We Do and Who We Are 105
How to Use the Credible Voice Pattern 106
How to Use the Connection Voice Pattern 108
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Contents vii
Is Your Voice Sabotaging You? 110
Addicted to the Verbal Pause 112
The Need to Breathe 113
9 The Unintentional Nonverbals 119
Fidget Reboot Button 121
The Nonverbal Outburst 122
10 The Fine Print in Your Owner’s Manual 125
The Trick Is to Remain Flexible 126
Master the Behavior Game 128
11 Putting It All to Work 137
Feelings Change Facts 138
Emotions Motivate 139
How to Communicate a Clear Direction 140
Observe to Become Self-Aware 141
How Context Controls the Message 141
Final Thoughts: Master Your Message—Next Steps 146
CheatSheets 149
ResourcesandRecommendedReading 158
QuickReferenceGuides 160
Index 170
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