Unfuck Your Intimacy Workbook: Using Science for Better Dating, Sex, and Relationships (5-Minute Therapy)

132 Pages·2019·7.901 MB·English

by  Acs Acn Harper Phd Lpc-S Faith

u
n
f

c
Let this handy workbook guide you on Using Science For better dating, sex, and relationships
k
your quest for healthier relationships u n f c k
y
and more excellent sex. Created as a
o
companion for Dr. Faith’s book Unfuck
u
Your Intimacy, these exercises can r
also stand alone. Includes body maps, I y o u r
n
communication templates, boundary-
t
setting exercises, a sexual history i
m
questionnaire like the ones therapists a
use, and help understanding and coping c
I n t i m a c y
y
with anything upsetting that might come

w
up. Almost all the exercises can be done
o
with a partner, but the focus is on getting
r
to know your body, your desires, and k
your needs, to explore on your own or b
o
together.
o w o r k b o o k
k
Also available from Dr. Faith and www.Microcosm.Pub
FUCK MAKING THE BED F
a
dcoforoloffesrtnak?oeY gikie HRlomn,i l afnsyueocoe,ldlogw rlnurap uuPoBo tdngeedrcivouriedvort oneaskmtttisen wT iro.tigiypr tn uid eDhnh aiyoyneytv, ri,eogciru thgoa seonshS.ntaud o u nffitc bFPsioY iivridhyonrindnoffaemssoecosropgr osyesi,keuieoul ta testlnckaroil,shf eu ? sfhtkrea ctjtgna,ta , igure rnlMn ohc eisdaudrhseaaas laoaet E auod st o yffistsettwcyt ,genxtohoecoso myhwihg ytaspcn giunuptea ft ios ,hionees?gs ces er dwMrm kr itofu ’lhssYoeynt uodii suoec fefooooliegm adie rklofbnsnchufrusv nei ys rtdetod dceneser f h,i dod ai a.imafnr oaogantteuu iobyelno?n ugff negCtlrb mosv-a’sanWhn,de t Be edu,aiJ ite rt shrnzmeuyoiTttthssetoy oras,on st,sen ialn otng-oveituDsngt snbunsaylt ei i wtlBn,rjaya odeii ugainng Ta,nsuesr stgei l.,$ ,toenae tk d A 9naUhusgg . 9mopoCStie5t n e uU,rittcT ifsl or.altolSu ,ee er .ppt cd s h y/iks n e , $ ga12 n.50d C AN COPING SKILLSEvery Stressful Situation PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACNFAITH G. HARPER, Tools & Techniques for FCESAvTIeTorHoOKy lG s.S Ht&ArP ReITsPesEcRfLhI,u nPlih DqN,S uLLiPetCs-uS ,a AGFtSCoiSr, o AnC N [EoYsRaIiaBmfunrotexe ehycdut app toehfd rrle$oLryou o a1r Bsrort’4v rs, sheOr.uy e9e wea c5io r sxiyUolai uno Vtgo n.nbaRhS._o uu s.no. ketE tre doh /,ixU n Wn k i risr $tssge ee,1Di t Lt nl9tltstiaoah.tne9hoti t9 E Iwgni ali soCheo mgFc rAnabeS n ieNraesebosFlnhl,n ahoo k AiftckuiEpvripie onno ibss tndRmkRa y aaas,na l Dr honrdpEeElirridi ea p.fith eessFNo ,us , tnatF t esmaatihwkxtaTlniOhl oioutsyldi,rlu aLo s ,abp l nRcn uiDootlYod,ityos r kmash ,.sk e ,no,Gi F mw bm da rall iin BuoeitastAt drnh!ftkh aeYE bi e ucinMo yde tabmisoCusente tum’i amgvstnErA t eeyrgsaetl es e golnrSciytl Uo nyficooyfi t ghvu oaeet Seo_rnxhusrU i e dircnyEst rne .o.ebcws fpe iou,sd iidceotcs]hkyssr. hHarper, PD IntimacyRelationships, sex, and datingunf ck YourFaith G.using science for better iF“DUAr. FunRwIaeTitllhs Hae iss iia tAG n lhinsYou ro.egta ttp Hwlheitta Aehot s whReirtacnhir iPsotfo,ao iarEfdnceadP RUsrm ahnmni sene,,r dfg ogoPrfc uUsoni*ddhaf* echeck h uu iDYsomk u ft,ruof B lra YiLlr, a oaiionpfPon wnd Co ugrrsrkar-arcgc be S,Bbl.”ec ,— r ,pe FsrAaoorfteeiCwesn sotiSrokdnx eR,aY elA vaired,wCvs i ceN, a s aInnicttHndsooa,”ttdk omn regc“OoitaoadidLf vtrnuao dsoseeWes,rndsd,vta a qtipitryDuesentcostueoeo iclhi,rp ”ositlstaisuT. r isyshe fnysan aFreeiyfo eiOo.onssgtrmdars ispTthuenni doas iupheeloelthe i sgu e ftvnhffaor“nBlu , eo fin aeEbab ndndft ut owtrdEencse uci sdeDranffoykt hct detatauhyfanid r iare ahlod cAdnrl wtel .nodrauibkaen ,rheardnoF std ma bo si tg hNhlyw tiaadgwie w ioukne syd.akee tb ih w, kiiwitogKithrney e tnntos aeh.A.i iub’,ieo ht edp nusgn tStYd oa“it’eue’ oh oerrtg sapsIouuDrylxp ’ro e mf,s sh bdobtuylp po l pot ihUoteooaioumi o ut lihglrfltffiaeiank’fvueuelr’ols oe alrL rbiaragi k otsor scantnnenk: e hyid m erub iT lntsnogNii.sm ii ” uhenn wlhfft td d tIcwhoioe,lIi gga” oy niEt esst.bleno t ai tk!’d“oritagThnrsu fteoRIyittu n u hngfin gwhaiilt oriplmy aoiagvttaid ffossns Aeot e lkri, obetr lib nsdydhediojdrki$toonDgxg eeno9 tbwitbos d p o9nnshUfoh5ks oe , u’oU ar ,et srro wn.fe LetmSitkr ’d etb.oist sTlant h iu/l.o g l ca cl$ e lhn1i 2f 9e9 CAN ADULTINGMake Decisions, & Other Life Skills PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACNUnfckYour Your Own Baggage, Don’t Be a Dick, FAITH G. HARPER, Give Yourself Permission, Carry FAAIDToHCAnGU GaU’iDtvrT.N eHBrH eOYyAF Roa UYR & uOD o POrFi tuEc hsUCLRrekeNr ,,l OLKF ifMPf*wT eCHaP S nKekkDYi rleBY,l m aIsOOLDigUPesCgcRUNs -iaiBsSoRgR,in oeAAG,,n I CNsS,, ACN ith Harper P Faith Harper
h
D
$9 95 U.S. / $12 99 CAN , L
P
C PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN
-
S
,
A
C
S
,
A
C
N

Unfuck
Your
Intimacy
Workbook
USING SCIENCE FOR BETTER
RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, & DATING
Faith G. Harper,
PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN
Microcosm Publishing
Portland, OR
UNFUCK YOUR INTIMACY WORKBOOK
Using Science for Better Relationships, Sex, & Dating
Part of the 5 Minute Therapy Series
© Dr. Faith Harper, 2019
This edition © Microcosm Publishing, 2019
First edition, first published November 2019
ISBN 978-1-62106-889-1
This is Microcosm #465
Cover and design by Joe Biel
For a catalog, write or visit:
Microcosm Publishing
2752 N Williams Ave.
Portland, OR 97227
503-799-2698
www.microcosmpublishing.com
These worksheets can be used on their own, or as a companion to Unfuck Your
Intimacy: Using Science For Better Relationships, Sex, and Dating by Dr. Faith
G. Harper.
These worksheets are free to reproduce but no more than two can be reproduced
in a publication without expressed permission from the publisher.
To join the ranks of high-class stores that feature Microcosm titles, talk to
your rep: In the U.S. Como (Atlantic), Fujii (Midwest), Book Travelers West
(Pacific), Turnaround in Europe, Manda/UTP in Canada, New South in
Australia, and GPS in Asia, India, Africa, and South America.
If you bought this on Amazon, I’m so sorry because you could have gotten it
cheaper and supported a small, independent publisher at Microcosm.Pub
Global labor conditions are bad, and our roots in industrial Cleveland in the 70s
and 80s made us appreciate the need to treat workers right. Therefore, our books
are MADE IN THE USA and printed on post-consumer paper.
Microcosm Publishing is Portland’s most diversified publishing
house and distributor with a focus on the colorful, authentic, and
empowering. Our books and zines have put your power in your
hands since 1996, equipping readers to make positive changes in
their lives and in the world around them. Microcosm emphasizes
skill-building, showing hidden histories, and fostering creativity
through challenging conventional publishing wisdom with books
and bookettes about DIY skills, food, bicycling, gender, self-care,
and social justice. What was once a distro and record label was
started by Joe Biel in his bedroom and has become among the
oldest independent publishing houses in Portland, OR. We are a
politically moderate, centrist publisher in a world that has inched
to the right for the past 80 years.
Table of Contents
Introduction 6
Emotional and Physical Safety 8
Emotional Safety Plan 9
S.T.O.P. 14
Body Safety Map 15
Pendulation 18
Getting to Know Yourself 19
My Relationship Values 20
Sexual History 24
Types of Touch 44
What I Want a Partner to Know About Me 47
Getting to Know Your Relationships 51
Relationship Timeline 52
What I Appreciate About My Partner 56
Toxic Relational Strategies 58
Spiritual Messages Kept or Released 67
Reframing Toxic Self-Talk 69
I Statement Worksheet 71
Language Elimination 73
T.H.I.N.K. 77
Language Boundaries 81
Boundaries Around Sexual Consent 83
Physical Boundaries Chart 85
Kegels 86
Interoception Exercise 88
Progressive Muscle Relaxation 92
Body Image Work 95
Sensate Touch 101
Sensate Body Work 107
Further Reading and Resources 111
References 116
Common Brain Traps 124
About the Author 126
INTRODUCTION
T
his workbook was created to go along with Unfuck Your
Intimacy, which is a book of tools for improving intimacy in
our relationships. If you’ve read that book, then you know
that intimacy is about far more than sexual positions and
naked shenanigans. Ultimately, it’s about vulnerability in connection. And
that’s something we don’t talk about enough. I wanted that book to honor
the variety of ways we express ourselves sexually. And how we navigate
our sexual relationships with others. That it’s all so profoundly different
and unique...and very, very, utterly, normal and human.
Unfuck Your Intimacy includes a lot of different tools that can be used by
anyone to create healthier intimate relationships. If you’ve read it, you
probably have a good idea which of those tools make the most sense to
you. But if you are anything like me, you need a little structure to get
shit done. So I took a bunch of those tools and reorganized them in a
way to make them more step-wise. I also added in some extra worksheets
that are informed by Unfuck Your Intimacy but include completely new
information. Because I respect you spending your dollars on this book
and I want you to get your money’s worth. And then you get to rub it in to
people who didn’t get the workbook. You can be all “What? You didn’t even
SEE the toxic relational strategies worksheet? How do you even human?”
But you won’t actually do that, because that’s totally a toxic relational
strategy and now you know better, right?
For those of you who haven’t read Unfuck Your Intimacy and maybe don’t
even want to? It’s totally cool. You’re not fucked if you are more of a doer
than a reader. All these exercises stand alone and make complete sense as
they are written here. All the information you need to get through them is
totally included. Because nothing sucks more than being told to refer to
pg. 127 of a book you don’t fucking own.
8
You will notice that some of these worksheets seem pretty intense. You
aren’t alone in that. I use them in my private practice and sometimes it
takes weeks or months for people to get through some of them (especially
the sexual history) because stuff gets activated that we have to unpack
it before moving forward. If that’s what happens with you, that’s okay. It
means you’re touching on important, grown person stuff that you haven’t
gotten to before. Don’t give up, but don’t make yourself sick over it, okay?
If you find yourself triggered, activated, or generally notice that more stuff
has come up than you have the capacity to handle? Pause, step back, and
get the support you need.
Make notes, try things out, track your progress and the like. Like the
bad-ass unfuckener that you are. Remember that whoever you are and
whatever you are looking to accomplish has a place here. Because this
whole process is about self-discovery and what work we need to do to be
as healthy as possible for ourselves, and for whatever relationships we
choose to participate in.
Dr. Faith
9
physical
and
emotional
safety
10