The Fine Art of the Big Talk: How to Win Clients, Deliver Great Presentations, and Solve Conflicts at Work

251 Pages·2008·1.97 MB·English

by  Debra Fine

T H E F I N E A R T O F
T H E B I G
T A L K
How to Win Clients,
Deliv er Gre at P re sentat ions,
and Solve Conflicts at Wor k
D E B R A F I N E
Dedicated with love to
Naomi and sisters everywhere
CONTENTS
PREFACE | 1
BUILDING BIG TALK SKILLS
| 7
CHAP TER 1. A ROAD MAP TO BIG TALK | 9
Learn how to transition from small talk to Big Talk, and
take your conversations to a deeper level.
CHAP TER 2. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE | 24
Actively identify and tailor your communication to your
specific audience—your customers, business partners, coworkers
and colleagues, managers, employees, and family members.
Consider how others hear what you have to say and, perhaps
more importantly, focus on learning more about your audience.
|
iv CONTENTS
CHAP TER 3. MANAGE THE CONVERSATION | 41
Discover how to keep the conversation on track and stick to
an agenda.
CHAP TER 4. USE SILENCE AS A TOOL | 54
Learn why silence really is golden, especially in negotiations,
relationship building, and presentations.
CHAP TER 5. RECOGNIZE THE DANGER SIGNS | 66
Identify the Big Talk danger signs—stress, facial expressions,
body language, and reactions to hot button topics.
CHAP TER 6. IDENTIFY SOURCES OF CONFLICT | 80
Identify potential sources of conflict, and demonstrate a
willingness to explore all options.
CHAP TER 7. IMPROVE YOUR TIMING | 96
Recognize how timing plays a critical role in all of your
personal and professional communications, from asking for a
raise to talking about your feelings.
CHAP TER 8. SEND OUT POSITIVE ENERGY | 110
Discover how to send out positive conversational energy and
keep from sending out negative energy.
|
CONTENTS v
CHAP TER 9. BUILD CONVERSATIONAL CLOUT | 129
Recognize how to influence others and achieve your goals using
specific conversational techniques.
CHAP TER 10. KEEP A SECRET | 141
Recognize how to maintain confidentiality while achieving
your goals using specific conversational techniques.
CHAP TER 11. GET CLOSURE | 154
Uncover satisfactory ways to end a conversation and leave a
great final impression.
APPLYING BIG TALK SKILLS
| 169
CHAP TER 12. SEE YOUR OWN REFLECTION | 171
Come to see yourself through other people’s eyes, thus enabling
you to build stronger relationships with customers, business
partners, coworkers and colleagues, managers, employees, and
family members.
CHAP TER 13. UP THE ANTE | 189
Identify ways to go that extra mile in order to ask for—and
get—a raise, a promotion, recognition, or referrals.
|
vi CONTENTS
CHAP TER 14. DEAL WITH STAGE FRIGHT | 203
Draw upon your Big Talk skills in order to overcome your
presentation fears.
CHAP TER 15. MASTER TECH TALK | 217
Learn how to leave clear answering machine messages,
send e-mail messages and instant messages that won’t
be misinterpreted, and take advantage of online networking
tools.
THE OPEN ROAD AWAITS (CONCLUSION) | 235
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Other Books by Debra Fine
Credits
Cover
Copyright
PREFACE
WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL
ABOUT BIG TALK?
During the course of your day, you probably had
many discussions with people—two, five, ten,
fifty. You may have facilitated a meeting, led a negotia-
tion, clashed with a coworker, moderated a panel, made a
sale, or consulted with others to propose a new project.
Perhaps you had an interview, found yourself at odds with
a customer, or helped resolve a conflict. Or you may have
gotten the kids off to school, attended a parent/teacher
conference, or had lunch with friends.
We might label these discussions “conversations,” but
did you really converse? Did you truly engage others in a
dialogue? You may have spent much of your day talking,
but in the end, what did you really talk about? When
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2 PREFACE
you’re faced with disputes and disagreements during the
course of a project, the tension continues to build. The
truth is that most of us go weeks without having meaning-
ful conversations with anyone—coworkers, project team
members, customers, or even family and friends.
Lots of conversation is limited to gossip, soap operas,
celebrities, popular TV programs, sports, and fashion. It’s
probably even fair to say that some of these conversations
can be labeled as small talk. Now, I’m not dismissing the
importance of small talk. After all, there are times when
it is appropriate to engage in nothing but small talk, such
as times when you’re waiting for a meeting to begin, get-
ting to know a client or department head, or standing
in line. Small talk serves a critical function—it helps us
break the ice with people we don’t know and reacquaint
ourselves with those we haven’t seen in a while. It also
helps us establish commonalities with the people we
meet, build rapport, and make the connections necessary
to build a conversational framework. And, where appro-
priate, small talk clears the way for more intimate con-
versation and lays the foundation for strong, enduring
relationships. It’s oftentimes the crucial starting point
(the appetizer) that precedes the bigger, meatier conver-
sations (the main dish) to come.
That’s all well and good, but what happens when we—
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PREFACE 3
you, me, and the people we interact with each day—get
too full from nibbling on the appetizer and don’t have
room for the main dish?
By now, I hope you’ve read my book The Fine Art of
Small Talk, and you have not only thought about and im-
plemented the skills and techniques I discussed, but have
also come to understand the value of developing relation-
ships, building business, and enhancing rapport. So if
small talk is the appetizer, we might label the entrée as
Big Talk. Big Talk helps us achieve our conversational
goals. When we engage in Big Talk, we are trying to in-
form or teach, share feedback or an opinion, gain feed-
back, learn something, avoid conflict, ask for something,
or motivate or persuade someone to think or do some-
thing.
There’s something you should know about Big Talk—
it’s...well...b ig. And it can be pretty tough. Big Talk
usually requires thought, reasoning, respect, and diplo-
macy. It requires a dialogue, a conversational give-and-
take with one or more people, and it requires good listening
skills and patience. With those thoughts in mind, it’s clear
why many of us stick with the small talk (which can be
challenging in its own right) and rarely ever get around to
the Big Talk. Sometimes, we offer uncontroversial opin-
ions on banal subjects because we know those opinions