The Cry of Tamar: Violence Against Women and the Church’s Response

354 Pages·2012·4.056 MB·English

by  Pamela Cooper-White

B —
eyond fairness and oBjectivity to tenderness and care
“Pamela Cooper-White’s original, incisive, and articulate practical theology of various
forms of violence against women remains timely and relevant. While her focus is still C
on violence against women in the United States, this second edition describes global o
o
developments in how violence against women has received increased attention through- p
e
out the world. Here we gain another voice: the basso profundo of wisdom and compassion r
-
distilled over her many years of scholarship, teaching, and clinical work. The Cry of Tamar W
continues to be a primary textbook on violence against women: a must-read by anyone h
i
t
in religious leadership who wants to break cycles of violence against women and the e
church’s silence about such violence.”
—Carrie Doehring, Iliff School of Theology
“The Cry of Tamar in 1995 quickly became a standard text on gender justice in U.S.
churches. In spite of significant increases in local and global social activism to end
violence against women, the epidemic continues, supported by a backlash of religious
patriarchal forces. This revised edition is required reading for all pastors and laity
concerned about gender equity in the churches.”
—James Newton Poling, Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary
T
“The Cry of Tamar encourages the church to step forward with courage to address the h
serious issue of violence against women. It is theological and practical, inviting pastoral e
leaders and congregations to utilize the healing forces of faith and community toward se C
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both survivors and perpetrators of violence.” or
ny
—Bishop Teresa E. Snorton, Christian Methodist Episcopal Church, Fifth District d

eo
In 1995, The Cry of Tamar opened a startling window df
it
on violence against women and how the church has iT
o
both failed and championed the cause of women at na
m
risk. In this new and updated edition, Pamela Cooper-
a
White examines not only where the church has made
r
progress but also where the risks of violence remain
unchanged or even greater, keeping this crucial issue
before the church as a focus for care and advocacy.
Pamela Cooper-White is Ben G. and Nancye Clapp
Gautier Professor of Pastoral Theology, Care, and
Counseling at Columbia Theological Seminary in
Decatur, Georgia. Her Fortress Press books include
Shared Wisdom: Use of the Self in Pastoral Care and Counseling
(2004) and Many Voices: Pastoral Psychotherapy in
Relational and Theological Perspective (2006).
Religion/Pastoral Care and Counseling
the cry of tamar
Praise for the first edition of The Cry of Tamar:
“this is a major resource both for those teaching courses on violence to women
and also for practitioners who support women in situations of violence. it is the
only book i know that addresses a number of major issues of violence: sexual
harassment, rape, battering, . . . child abuse, and others, as well as pornography
as cultural violence. it has particular importance to religious people by bringing
these issues into the context of biblical and theological reflection as well as psy-
chological counseling.”
— rosemary radford ruether, visiting scholar at the claremont
Graduate University and school of theology
“i can’t imagine a more authoritative accounting of the subject of violence against
women than Pamela cooper-White has accomplished here. she has given us a
profound analysis of the cultural sources of violence and sexual boundary viola-
tions as well as practical remedies that can be applied by both individuals and
congregations. moreover, she does all this within a psychological and spiritual
framework that does not blame, never loses hope, and maintains respect for both
men and women. this is thoroughly researched, state-of-the-art scholarship. The
Cry of Tamar has value beyond the church, in any setting where the restoration of
the feminine voice to our culture is valued.”
— Peter rutter, m.d., author of Sex in the forbidden Zone
“if you don’t have a vision of justice and a politics to implement it, you’re just
running a mash unit in the war of the bodies of women and children. Pamela
cooper-White calls us to such a vision and such a politics—a superb effort!”
— susan B. thistlethwaite, chicago theological seminary
the cry of tamar
Violence against Women
and the church’s response
second edition
Pamela cooper-White
fortress Press
minneapolis
the cry of tamar
Violence against Women and the church’s response
second edition
copyright © 2012 fortress Press. all rights reserved. except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no
part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Visit http://
www.augsburgfortress.org/copyrights/contact.asp or write to Permissions, augsburg fortress, Box 1209, minne-
apolis, mn 55440.
all quotations from the Psalms and the new testament, except where otherwise noted, are from the translation in
Victor roland Gold, thomas L. hoyt, Jr, sharon h. ringe, susan Brooks thistlethwaite, Burton h. throckmorton
Jr., and Barbara a. Withers, eds., The New Testament and Psalms: an Inclusive Version (new york: oxford University
Press, [1995]).
all other hebrew Bible quotations are from the new revised standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 by the
division of christian education of the national council of churches of christ in the Usa, and are used with
permission.
the acknowledgments on p. vi reflect an extension of this copyright page.
cover design: Laurie ingram
cover image: Light at the end of tunnel © istockphoto.com/hande Guleryuz yuce
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
cooper-White, Pamela, 1955-
the cry of tamar : violence against women and the church’s response /
Pamela cooper-White. — second edition.
pages cm
includes bibliographical references and indexes.
isBn 978-0-8006-9734-1 (pbk. : alk. paper) — isBn 978-1-4514-2442-3
(ebook) (print)
1. Women—crimes against —religious aspects—christianity. 2.
Violence—religious aspects—christianity. 3. church work with women. 4.
Women—Pastoral counseling of. i. title.
Bt704.c66 2012
261.8’32—dc23
2012020294
the paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of american national standard for
information sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library materials, ansi Z329.48-1984.
manufactured in the U.s.a.
16 15 14 13 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
contents
acknowledgments vi
Preface to the first edition (1995) vii
introduction to the second edition 1
Prologue: the rape of tamar 24
Part one: the framework of Violence against Women
1. Power and Violence against Women 40
2. images of Women: Pornography and the connection to Violence 64
Part tWo: forms of Violence against Women
3. sexual harassment and stalking 84
4. rape and sexual assault 106
5. Battering 124
6. sexual abuse by clergy 149
7. sexual abuse of children 168
Part three: the church’s response
8. the Pastor as “Wounded healer” 194
9. ministry with men Who Use Violence 205
10. empowering Women 228
Conclusion. reconciliation: moving Beyond individual forgiveness 251
to communal Justice
appendix: a Litany for healing 262
Notes 264
Indexes 330
v
Acknowledgments
excerpts from Trauma and Recovery, by Judith lewis Herman, m.d., copyright © 1997
Judith l. Herman. Reprinted by permission of Basic Books, a member of the Perseus
Book group.
excerpt from “After the Fact: to speak of Rape,” by Ruth schmidt, is from The Christian
Century (January 6–13, 1993), copyright © 1993 the christian century. Reprinted by
permission.
“Power and control wheel” and “equality wheel” from domestic Abuse Intervention
Project, duluth mn. Reprinted by permission.
“Is Your Relationship Healthy and non-Abusive?” from marin Abused women’s services
(mAws)/center for domestic Peace, san Rafael cA. Reprinted by permission.
“Johari window: A graphic model of Awareness in Interpersonal Relations,” adapted
from Group Processes: An Introduction to Group Dynamics by Joseph luft (Palo Alto: national
Press Books, 1970, 1994). Reprinted by permission of mayfield Publishing company.
excerpt from karen lebacqz, “Reflections on the thomas Hearings,” from Center for
Women and Religion Newsletter (november 1991), copyright © 1991 center for women and
Religion. Reprinted by permission.
“litany for Healing,” from “what does love Require: A Family Violence manual for
the church community,” mdiv Honors thesis by carolyn Fairless, church divinity
school of the Pacific, may 1989. Reprinted by permission.
excerpt from Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse: A Sensitive Biblical Guide for Counselors, Victims,
and Families, by lynn Heitritter and Jeanette Vought, copyright © 1989, 2006 Bethany
House. Reprinted by permission.
excerpt from “men’s work: to stop men’s Violence,” copyright © oakland men’s Proj-
ect. Adapted from Men’s Work, by Paul kivel. Reprinted by permission of oakland men’s
Project.
vi
Preface
to the first edition (1995)
A t the wedding of a friend last summer, the priest performing the ceremony
addressed all the guests, exhorting us to take seriously our role as witnesses
to the new marriage. it was hot. the glass-walled chapel at Pacific school of
religion was like a greenhouse. People smiled, fanned themselves with programs. didn’t
the bride look lovely? Wasn’t it an unusually summery day for the Bay area? the priest’s
words rang out, suddenly calling us to attention, reminding us of our commitment—
beyond the surface pleasantries and the etiquette of the wedding as a social occasion.
he told us the biblical Greek word for witness is martys. he called us to pour out our
lives, our selves, as witnesses, as martyrs, to this union now being created before God and
before us.
i hope and believe that my friend’s marriage, and her life, will be blessed with har-
mony and peace. But for so many women, that is far from the reality of their lives. all
too often hope dies, crushed by the fist of a battering partner, overwhelmed by the
violation of a rapist’s attack, smothered even in earliest childhood by the devastation of
sexual abuse.
this book—amazingly for the first time—gathers together by one author under a
nontechnical framework the seemingly disparate strands of the violence-against-women
movements. i say “amazingly” because with the research and advocacy advancing apace
in the various strands, no introductory book from a unified perspective yet exists.1 one
reason for this lacuna, no doubt, is that each strand has often pressed ahead indepen-
dently toward political initiatives for change, so vital for improving women’s treatment
within the north american context. a second reason is that many people have become
engaged where they first encountered violence against women. a third is that the theo-
retical perspectives often shift as one moves from one area to another.
the envisioned readers of this book, then, are those who want to know more about
the various forms of violence against women and some of what can be done to counter
such violence. By the term church’s response in the book’s subtitle is meant the basic wit-
ness for what is healthy and against what is destructive. i am taking the hopeful stance
that the church’s response to violence against women can be increasingly helpful, even
proactive. this book is an effort to support that response by suggesting starting points
vii
viii Preface
for advocacy (both pastoral and institutional) and by undergirding those suggestions
with both theological and theoretical foundations.
i felt drawn, even compelled, to write this book for many reasons. in my first par-
ish ministry setting in 1979, i opened a program for homeless people and had my eyes
opened to the realities of battered women. the very first family to come to supper in our
simple parish hall was a battered woman who had fled with her two children from her
violent husband, preferring the streets to the terror of their apartment. deeply convicted
by that encounter, i went on to become involved in the battered women’s movement, a
commitment that i have carried throughout my ministry in secular agency, church, and
seminary settings. Later, while teaching at the american Baptist seminary of the West, i
discovered the lack of a book addressing the multiple forms of violence against women
from one author’s unifying perspective and analysis. i found myself assigning dozens of
books and articles and wishing for one source that could serve as a primary text for the
class.
as an episcopal priest, i write with a christian and, at times, distinctively episcopal/
anglican voice. the book carries the assumption of a certain shared world with the
reader, that of the christian church in the United states. i hope it may also be of some
transferable value to readers of different religions, although i do not pretend to represent
in a universal way all the complexities of their traditions.
Beyond these reasons for writing the book, there is another: i am a woman. as i
have shared in various places throughout, i have personal experiences with some of the
specific forms of violence i am describing. additional stories in this book have been
gathered from others. the stories of my friends and colleagues, if compiled, easily fill in
any gaps in experience in my own life. the stories if laid end to end could be wrapped
around my entire community, perhaps around the world. these stories are included in
order to model an important aspect of our witness, namely, giving voice to the voice-
less. the forms of violence against women are not limited to those detailed in this book.
medical violence, female infanticide, traffic in women, and economic violence against
women are all areas for further exploration, but ones that go beyond the scope of this
book. there are also controversial international and cross-cultural practices, such as
female genital mutilation, which cannot be adequately dealt with here. these issues need
to be incorporated someday in a comprehensive work on violence against women. What
i have selected, however, is one central cluster of abuses out of which a community can
build a stance against violence and model an important aspect of our witness, namely,
giving voice to the voiceless.
in spite of our commitment as christians to the good news of justice and peace, this
breaking of silence seems an enormous and at times overwhelming task. Why should we
be so often reluctant to hear and respond to the violence in our society and even in our
own ranks?
Psychologist Judith herman describes the tremendous pressures to minimize and
deny violence, especially violence by human agency, because those who bear witness
“are caught in the conflict between victim and perpetrator.”2 the witness is morally
bound to take a side.
it is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. all the perpetrator asks is that
the bystander do nothing. he appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak
Preface ix
no evil. the victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain.
the victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. . . .3
herman highlights the importance of a social context that values justice because this
“affirms and protects the victim” by uniting the victim and witness. for individual victims
this alliance is formed with friends; for groups, with political movements.
in the absence of strong political movements for human rights, the active pro-
cess of bearing witness inevitably gives way to the active process of forgetting.
repression, dissociation, and denial are phenomena of social as well as individual
consciousness.4
moving from repression to awareness and expression is the goal of this book. all too
often, with the best of intentions, those of us who collectively are the church, who call
ourselves “the body of christ,” blind ourselves to christ’s wounds in our own communi-
ties, our contemporary world. We cannot bear the full brunt of the truth. elie Wiesel
wrote of the holocaust survivors who tried to tell their stories, “to be believable, their
tales had to tell less than the truth.”5 yet we are called, again and again, to be witnesses,
martyrs to the truth.
this book is an effort to support us all in that crucial work. the effort begins with
tamar, a woman whose voice calls from a distance through a biblical narrative (2 samuel
13) from which her life is all too quickly dropped and forgotten. the invocation of
tamar’s voice is the paradigm for this project. the work of restoring victims to voice is
redemptive. through it, we proclaim tamar’s vindication.
acknowledgments
many have sustained me in this work and contributed greatly to this project. first, i
thank my editors at fortress Press, marshall d. Johnson, timothy staveteig, and Lois
torvik, whose enthusiasm for this project has meant so much. they have helped shape
this book in many ways. i am also grateful to the many people who have read individ-
ual chapters and given feedback so generously from their respective areas of expertise:
marita Bausman, david Biale, marsha Blackstock, alan creighton, Jim and margaret
emerson, margot silk forrest, rich Garcia, donna Garske, charles Gibbs, Victor Gold,
Barbara Green, dale Griffis, Gina hens-Piazza, Jaimee karroll, chilton knudsen, karen
Lebacqz, Leslie Levy, andrew Littman, david mccoy, karlin olson, david owen-Ball,
kristin rapsher, melissa reed, carol robb, colin ross, Gary schoener, caryn star-
dancer, Pat stewart, marti stortz, stephanie townsend, Jim Ward, and tamera White.
nancy Lemon also gave invaluable legal information.
i am grateful to the women faculty of the Graduate theological Union, who col-
lectively have been a great support. especially i am grateful to carol robb, whose model
for collaborative study groups for her book in progress on women and economic justice
inspired the richly collaborative nature of this project. it was in those study groups that
my idea for this book was first nurtured and encouraged. i am also grateful for the annual
women faculty retreat, and especially clare fischer, Barbara Green, Gina hens-Piazza,