the alchemy of interpersonal relations

108 Pages·2012·1.32 MB·English

RAMI BLECKT
THE ALCHEMY
OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS
The Art of Listening and Being Heard
www.bleсkt.ca
Rami Bleckt. The Alchemy of Interpersonal Relations. The Art of
Listening and Being Heard.
M.: Publishing company OOO Blagodarenie, 2012, 108 p.
ISBN 978-5-9901987-6-0
© Rami Bleckt, 2012
A new book of Rami Bleckt “The Alchemy of Interpersonal Rela-
tions. The Art of Listening and Being Heard” was issued in January
2012
About the author
Dr. Rami Bleckt is a teacher and adviser of Eastern Psychology, a
philosopher and writer.
Rami holds a PhD in Psychology. The topic of his dissertation
was “The Ancient Wisdom in Retrospective. Scientific Experiment”.
Also Rami is a Doctor of Philosophy in Alternative Medicine – Ph.
D. (A. M.) and has a Master Degree in Alternative Medicine – M. D.
(A.M.). He is a Bachelor in Pedagogy.
In 2004 Rami was selected as the Best Teacher in the 5th Inter-
national Festival of Psychology and Psychotherapy Stars. In 2007
he was granted the International Award of Alchemy as “The Person
of the Year in Workshop Trainings”.
On the basis of ancient knowledge of pure soul sages and on
the basis of latest achievements of modern science, Rami devel-
oped several unique personal courses and workshops,which he has
conducted in Russia, Israel, the USA, Germany, Canada, Kazakh-
stan, Ukraine, Latvia, Great Britain, etc. He has great experience
in personal consulting and teaching, including at universities and
colleges.
Rami is the president of the International Association of Eastern
Psychology. Also he is the editor-in-chief of the international jour-
nal “Thankgiving with Love”.
Rami has written very interesting, useful books that changed
lives of many people: “Fate and I”, “Ten Steps on the Way to Hap-
piness”, “Three Energies. The Forgotten Canons of Health and
Harmony”, “How to Make a Deal with the Universe or the Planets’
Influence on our Fate and Health”, “The Alchemy of Interpersonal
Relations. The Art of listening and being heard.”. Most of his books
have been already translated into 6 languages.
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Rami Bleckt
Contents
About the author ...............................................................................3
Preface .............................................................................................6
The main thing is to hear… yourself ...................................................8
For if we give, we get .........................................................................9
Our emotions close our ears .............................................................11
A parable of how important it is to listen properly… ......................12
Do you respect me? Then listen! .......................................................13
Practical exercise ...........................................................................14
Listen to yourself and do not swoon. ................................................14
Being informed gives power. Talkativenessleads to subordination. .....15
A modern parable .........................................................................17
The three levels of listening – the three levels
of spiritual evolution .....................................................................19
The three levels of listening ..............................................................21
A parable illustrating the third level of listening..............................23
Personality development starts with developing awareness ...............24
Practical exercise ...........................................................................24
Practical exercise ...........................................................................25
A parable “Three types of people” ................................................25
Nobody needs our problems.............................................................26
An empty pot sounds louder ............................................................28
Practical exercise ...........................................................................28
Are you ready to listen to what I have to say?
I have something to tell you ..........................................................29
Practical exercise ...........................................................................32
A parable ......................................................................................33
The myth about speaking and listening .............................................33
He who listens properly wins ............................................................36
A parable “Three types of listeners” ..............................................37
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The Alchemy of Interpersonal Relations
Prejudice hides the truth from us ......................................................38
We tend to ignore those whose opinion we do not share ..................39
Don’t make yourself an idol ..............................................................40
Barriers to listening ...........................................................................41
Practical task .................................................................................42
A parable “A cricket in New York” .................................................44
Different roles of the listener ............................................................44
Words hardly bear any information...................................................49
Practical task .................................................................................51
Let me hear someone’s voice, and I will tell you
what the person is like ..................................................................52
Practical task .................................................................................53
Look into someone’s eyes and specify ...............................................53
If you respect someone, then adapt yourself .....................................56
See the hidden sense of the hidden sense .........................................58
In order to hear other people you must first hear yourself ..................59
Practical task .................................................................................60
How to regulate thinking processes. Never say never ........................62
Inspiration and reproaches are different things .................................65
Practical task .................................................................................66
Mental sets attract real occurrences ..................................................67
Practical task .................................................................................69
The philosophical secret of thought hearing ......................................69
How to make our aural perception work for us..................................70
Rules for communicating with emotional people ...............................76
A parable “The shock absorbing air” .............................................78
Nobody is obliged to listen to everybody ..........................................78
How to successfully improve your listening skills ...............................80
A modern parable about a manager and a programmer .................87
How to motivate others to listen to us? .............................................88
Recommendations for those who are speaking .................................91
Everybody in this world has the right to err .......................................94
He who treads gently will get farther ................................................96
A few thoughts in conclusion ...........................................................98
A concluding parable “The prayer of the frog” ............................100
Conclusion .....................................................................................101
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Rami Bleckt
Preface
A few of years ago, I gave a CD of my seminars to a very suc-
cessful businessman in Finland as a present. A few hours later, he
rang me up and began to thank me with great enthusiasm. At that
time, he was on his way attending a number of seminars and lec-
tures.
He was particularly grateful for the seminar, which has been tak-
en as the basis of this book, and was of the opinion that it should be
made available to everyone. (By the way, several people wrote to
me saying that this knowledge should be included in the compul-
sory curriculum in schools and universities). He added that if he had
known all that earlier, he could have avoided quite a few mistakes
in his future business and private life…
It was important and pleasant for me to hear these words, es-
pecially from a well-educated man with a high level of inner and
outer culture, who had vast experience in interpersonal relations
with spiritual gurus. He also said that he intended to pass his new
knowledge on to his top managers and the heads of departments
and branches.
I remember the time when my curiosity was aroused about this
kind of knowledge. That was about 12 years ago, in 1997. I was
reading an interesting and informative book (Madelyn Burley-Allen
– “Listening: The Forgotten Skill”. If you are interested in this topic,
I recommend you to read precisely this book, although unfortu-
nately it has been out of print for a long time) and I made a number
of discoveries that later have become a great help for me in many
areas of life.
Then I read many books and articles by western psychologists
which were devoted to this subject, but by and large their contents
were the same. That is to say it was not the only good book devoted
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The Alchemy of Interpersonal Relations
to the psychology of interpersonal relations, and I wouldn’t have
paid such close attention to it if I hadn’t seen how this knowledge
works in practice: in my life, in the lives of my friends and acquain-
tances, and that is an important indicator for me.
I particularly remember an incident with my friend. When he
finished school and the elite military academy with distinction, he
was quite practically minded but unfortunately had serious prob-
lems in communicating with the people around him and, therefore,
experienced failures in his private life.
Suddenly, however, I noticed that in all areas of his life consider-
able changes for the better began to happen; his ability to conduct
negotiations and interact with other people started to gain him re-
spect. I realized that he followed the main instructions given in this
book very precisely. Now he lives a happy life with his family in Aus-
tralia.
In the following years, I have read many books and articles
about effective interpersonal relations, attended many seminars
on this topic, and have always tried to put this knowledge into prac-
tice. Some of the information I had read I have discarded as being
impractical. Something was added from my own experience of life,
and, as a result, I developed my own training programme on this
subject, which was warmly received and got many favourable re-
views.
In this training programme I tried to combine psychological
work experience with oriental wisdom, for the knowledge of this
topic is a necessary prerequisite for fast progress in the spiritual and
material aspects of life.
This small book is a slightly abridged and revised printed ver-
sion of the training programme. We have tried to retain an informal
style of writing for easy reading and understanding, hoping that
it will be understood by the reader.
I very much hope that this knowledge will be interesting and
useful for you and the people around you.
With love
Rami
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Rami Bleckt
The main thing
is to hear… yourself
The art of listening to the person you are talking to is the art 
of listening to yourself.
Vladimir Borisov
Modern American psychologists have arrived at the conclu-
sion that people cannot succeed in any area of life without having
the ability to listen. They have asked 15 millionaires the following
question “What is the reason for your success?”, and all who an-
swered ranked the ability to listen as the first and foremost reason.
The first and most significant thing is to learn to listen to
yourself, not to your ego but just your intuition: “the voice of
the soul.” One of the ways to develop your intuition is to listen
to your body, for we get all the necessary information with its
help in good time.
Lise Bourbeau, the founder of the biggest school of personality
development in Quebec, Canada, developed a simple method of
self-recovery, based on Oriental techniques, and described it in her
books (“Listen to your Body”, “Your Body’s Telling You: Love Your-
self!” and others). From the point of view of Oriental psychology,
however, it would be more correct to say that we must listen to our
soul, and our body can help us in doing so.
Our mind is always preoccupied with gossiping, systematiz-
ing, labelling, making plans to get sensual pleasure, regretting
the past, self-praising and self-justifying, etc. But in the soul
there are only two feelings: the state of inner comfort and
discomfort. If we get used to calm down our mind and listen
to what our soul is telling us, we will never be mistaken, for
the soul knows everything.
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The Alchemy of Interpersonal Relations
If we are able to hear ourselves, we will be able to hear what
other people say and, eventually, nature in its entirety. The abil-
ity to listen very rapidly arouses our true “self”, makes our life
conscious. And it is precisely this consciousness that is one of
the key elements of a happy life.
For if we give,
we get
The skill of attentive listening is one of the best ways of 
showing respect for people and establishing a close contact 
with them.
Robin Sharma
Modern psychologists have studied
the extent to which people use their lis-
tening abilities; and it turned out that
they use only 25 % of it.
According to statistics, we spend 70 % of our time (not counting
the time we are asleep) in verbal communication. 40 % account for
listening, 35 % for speaking, 16 % for reading, and 9 % for writing.
All these are, of course, average values.
If everything depends so much on our ability to listen and we
are using at most only 25% of our potential, then are our chances
for success high enough?
The ability to listen means a lot more than just staring at the
person you are talking to with your mouth open. Being able to
listen means being able to hear, having a distinct energy that
enables you to give a bit of yourself away.
To listen means to give. You devote your time and attention
to someone, thus paying him respect. Who talks more, a selfish
person or a selfless person? As a rule, it is the selfish person. What
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Rami Bleckt
is he talking about after all? The topics may be just about anything:
politics (that are ruining his life), money (which he has or hasn’t
got), spiritual questions, but it always boils down to the same thing
– it is always him who is the centre of attention. A selfish person
even listens in a very preconceived way. If someone is only self-
centred, he will either try to talk as much as possible, interrupting
the other person who is talking, or listen inattentively (if at all), es-
pecially if it does not concern him personally.
Listening is a process in which we share, in a positive
sense, part of our soul.
By and large, our main goal should be to always be intrinsi-
cally unselfishly generous. We should always share love. This
is virtually the only chance of bringing much unconditional love
into our life.
And listening is one of the simplest ways of doing it, because
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