NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming PDF
Preview NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming
C ONTENTS Foreword: Trial by Fire: My Personal Introduction to NLP Authors’ Note and Appreciation Introduction: What You’ll Get Out of This Book What Is NLP? Two Important NLP Principles of Human Nature What Is an NLP “Power User”? Section 1: It’s All About You Chapter 1: Understanding How You Think What’s going on in there? A Taste of NLP: A Firsthand Experience Discovery Activity: Accessing Personal Resources You First: Understanding How You Work “Ouch” or “Yahoo”: How We Create Our Feelings Autopilot: The Mind’s Three Favorite Options A Well-Oiled Machine: Body, Brain, and Mind Different Planets: The Worlds Inside Our Minds Discovery Activity: Discovering Your Inner World Not Just Basic Cable: “Representational Modalities” Mental Sticky Notes: The Power of “Anchors” Discovery Activity: Creating a Personal Anchor Anchors at Work: Intentional and Unintentional Anchors So What? How You Can Use This Information An Easy Ride: How This Book Is Structured Chapter 2: Managing Your Mind Who’s driving the bus? Where Do You Want to Go? Outcome Frames Discovery Activity: Creating a Well-Formed Outcome Being of Two Minds: Congruence/Incongruence Discovery Activity: Recognizing Incongruence Are You In or Out? Being Associated or Disassociated Subtle Distinctions That Matter: Sub-Modalities Discovery Activity: Tinkering with Visual Distinctions What’s Your Day Going to Be Like? Sub-Modalities and Your Emotional State The Way You Do the Things You Do: Understanding Motivation Discovery Activity: Exploring Roots of Procrastination That Damn Report: An Example of Procrastination Two for the Road: Tips for Uncovering the Roots of Procrastination Discovery Activity: Reducing Internal Resistance Been Down Too Long? The Power of Inner Voices and the “Auditory Swish” Discovery Activity: Removing Negative Auditory Cues Emotions as Passengers, Not Drivers: Choosing and Changing Your State Depression: Auditory Cues That Hold the Story Shaping Your Experience: The Habit of Fine-Tuning Sub-Modalities Chapter 3: Living in “The Zone” Whoa, is my brake on? High or Low? How Expectations Impact Performance Discovery Activity: Exploring Your Expectations In the Mind’s Eye: The Power of Mental Rehearsal In Sync: The Link Between Physiology and Energy Roadblock Removal: “Eye Movement Integration” Discovery Activity: Decreasing Resistance or Trauma Not Just Pollyanna: How Energy, Enthusiasm, and Optimism Act as Drivers Discovery Activity: Understanding Your Motivation Discovery Activity: Amping Up Your Confidence Mission Critical: Motivation Tips from Navy SEALs Training Messing with Hecklers: How to Silence Critical Inner Voices More Than Maintenance: How to Increase Energy and Productivity Discovery Activity: Strengthening Your Anchor Chapter 4: Upgrading Your Self-Concept How’d things get this way? Life Vest First: How to Prevent and Reduce Stress A Look in the Mirror: Who You Are Today and How You Got to Be This Way Clues to Beliefs: The Deep Structure of Language and the Meta Model Like That: How Our Language and Behavior Reveal Individual Preferences (Meta-Programs and Predicates) Today’s You and the Desired You: The Impact of Self-Concept Discovery Activity: Identifying Something You Like About Yourself Discovery Activity: Adding Elements to Your Self-Concept The Archaeological Dig: An Example of Self-Concept Work Ripple Effects: How One Change Often Creates More Change Section 2: It’s All About Relationship Chapter 5: Making Comfortable Connections How come we don’t connect? Internal Systems: How You Work Is Similar to How Others Work Inside Out: How to Adjust Your Inner World to Be Better Company Discovery Activity: Identifying Ways That You’re Good Company Friction on the Line? How the Three Parts of Your Brain Work Together Instant Processing: What Your Filters Process First Discovery Activity: Identifying Ways Other People Are Good Company An Inside Job: How to Help Other People Feel Safe Not Just Imitation: How Mirroring and Matching Help You Make Connections A Focus on Them, Not You: How to Create a Sense of Being Felt More Choice Is Better: How Being Versatile Helps You Connect The Bird’s-Eye View: A High-Level Summary Chapter 6: More Than “Mind Reading” Other People What’s going on inside them for that to be true? A $500,000 Example: Communication in All Three Channels Powerful Telegraphing: What Your Nonverbals Communicate Traffic Signals: How Other People’s Nonverbals Provide Direction Discovery Activity: Recalling Nonverbals of a Positive Experience Discovery Activity: Identifying Nonverbals from an Uncomfortable Situation Galaxies Away: Why It’s Important to Step into Another’s World The Grand Canyon: How Missing Details Create Gaps in Understanding Zooming In and Out: Tips to Understanding Someone Else’s World Detective Mode: How Questions Fill in Gaps and Facilitate Understanding Different Journeys: How Beliefs Distinguish Our Inner Worlds Discovery Activity: Identifying Your Beliefs Discovery Activity: Exploring a Personal Belief Wants and Needs: How Exploring Beliefs Uncovers Motivations and Meta- Outcomes Beyond Belief: How Language Reveals Other Personal Preferences A New Approach: How to Apply Your Understanding of Nonverbal Behavior, Beliefs, and Personal Preferences to Interactions with Others Discovery Activity: Exploring Someone’s Inner World Chapter 7: Making Your Point Easily How can I help people understand what I mean? Chronicle: High Points of the Journey So Far Physical Connection: How Touch Enhances Connections and Impact Oxygen Mask First: How Managing Your Inner State Keeps the Focus on Others Rules of the Road: Quick Tips to Navigate Uncharted Territory The Local Language: How to Communicate According to Someone Else’s Preferences Discovery Activity: Using Predicates of Preferred Channels A New View: How the Process of Reframing Expands Possibilities Super-Glue Removal: How to Loosen and “Unstick” Beliefs It’s Kind of Like That: How Metaphors and Stories Support Shifts A Book and Its Cover: How Appearance and Environment Are Clues to Other Worlds Toxic Relationships: How Difficult People Tax Your Personal Resources Connecting the Dots: Linking Key Concepts and Skills to Opportunities Discovery Activity: Applying Your Discoveries About Someone Else’s World Chapter 8: Creatively Collaborating and Resolving Conflicts How do we get from here to there? An Embarrassing Example Moving in the Same Direction: Effective Collaboration Using the Well- Formed Outcome Model Creativity: How Imagination Expands Possibilities Expert Advice: The Disney Creativity Strategy Innovation: How to Use the Disney Strategy with Groups Discovery Activity: Applying the Disney Strategy to One of Your Opportunities Up Against the Wall: How the “Conflict Integration Process” Supports Creative Problem Solving Discovery Activity: Identifying One of Your Conflicts Internal Battles: How to Apply the “Conflict Integration Process” to Inner Conflicts Discovery Activity: Applying the “Conflict Integration Process” to One of Your Opportunities Discovery Activity: Examining Ways You Get Stuck or Make Things Harder Different Strategies? What “Conflict Integration” and Negotiation Have in Common Powerful Emotions: How to Facilitate Discussions with People Who Are Upset The Unexpected Strategy: An Approach to Consider When You’re Upset Chapter 9: Maintaining Your Momentum with NLP What’s next? Journey Highlights: What You Learned Next Steps: Options for Additional Development 21-Day Guide: The Next Steps to Creating the Person You Want to Be Afterword: A Lasting Legacy Common NLP Terms References Acknowledgments Index About the Authors Back Ad Praise Copyright About the Publisher T F : M P I NLP RIAL BY IRE Y ERSONAL NTRODUCTION TO Tracy Hoobyar N LP has been a part of my life since the mid-1990s. My father began studying NLP to learn more about himself and those around him. Because my dad was the son of a preacher, anything he learned, we all learned! As time went on and I listened to Dad tell me what he had learned, it all sounded interesting, but, after all, it was Dad’s thing. I was busy with a toddler and didn’t have time to worry too much about it. In early 2002, things changed drastically for me. My then eleven-year-old daughter was hospitalized at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital, at Stanford University, for anorexia. Her heart had been affected and was weak, her bones were brittle, and we were given a very bleak prognosis. After three weeks and more than sixty thousand dollars’ worth of care, they wanted to admit her to a residential psychiatric hospital out of state. We would get to visit her occasionally. We were told there were no other options—she wouldn’t survive if we didn’t follow their suggestions. Against medical advice, we decided to check her out of the hospital. As you might imagine, the primary doctor was not impressed. He invited my entire family to find other care in the future, and wished us well. Outpatient services were unsatisfactory. Counseling was not productive. It really began to look like this was going to be as bad as they told us. Unwilling to accept that, I talked to Dad about changing her prognosis. After a lot of hours, Dad and I devised a plan to help my daughter—to defy all the rules and statistics—and help her get better. Our plan? Use everything he knew from NLP, everything I knew about psychology, and work with her to help her recover. While we used a combination of techniques, the most effective, and the quickest, tools came from the NLP world. We worked with my daughter to understand, and accept, the part of her that was struggling for control by restricting her food intake. With her, we explored what she was thinking and feeling. We “played” with different techniques until we found what worked. We went to her doctor three times a week at first, then twice, and then only once a week. He monitored my daughter for the typical challenges anorexic kids encounter upon release from the hospital. He checked her vitals and urine tests, and evaluated her for improvement. She was never hospitalized again, gained weight steadily, and worked through her “demons” with the support of NLP and those who loved her. The doctors thought we were crazy when my daughter would talk about how she pictured anorexia, how she was able to make changes in her relationship with this disease and with food by playing with the size and color of the picture—and other things that sounded equally odd to those trained traditionally. It was not an easy road back, but it was well worth traveling. Today, my daughter has spent more than ten years in recovery. I’m convinced that without NLP, we would have lost her. With my newfound belief in the power of NLP, Dad and I worked harder than ever at real-world, practical applications. We found ways to help kids dealing with abusive histories, elderly people dealing with chronic pain, and businesspeople dealing with day-to-day issues. Our dream was always to put together a program to help real people deal with real problems. Dad had such an amazing way of presenting information. He would use stories to help people understand what he wanted them to learn. His genuine compassion for others, and desire to help them live better lives, guided his actions and writings. What you hold in this book is the realization of the dream we shared. He spent countless hours in trainings, reading books, working with the experts, testing theories, and applying techniques to everyday challenges. He researched NLP and its applications in more detail than most people could ever imagine.
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