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Naked Pictures of Famous People PDF

123 Pages·1998·1.332 MB·English
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NAKED PICTURES OF FAMOUS PEOPLE JON STEWART This1 $ w• orokf I"ro dy.A lthouufgehr einsmc aed 'e0 real p.rsonsa nde ventthso. dial••og auct ionansd. c ont..e..np tr oductsth ooa fu thor's imagln.o"nolny . lUustr2I.n"i 0.o VnIn s, ,:Th. LostN o«hookb"yO Wl'Dwyn- A hardc.odYn'l Colfto hnhoi osk w aspu blishcdi n1 99b8y W IlliarnM orrowa nCdo m­ panIyn.c . NAKED PlcnJRES OF FAMOUS PEOPUC. opyrigC>h t1 99b8y Bu sboyP roductIi11oCn.s .Al l nghrctscrvcsd. PnntIcndt hUon itS.tda tofcA sm cncNoo.p arto ft hIbSoo km aybc used orr eproduIcnane ydm annwchra tsocvwcirt hworuitt pctrrcruns sl.Oc.nc pItnt hc casto fb ncquoft atiocnmsb odmi ccrdi tairtciadalcsnd u ..c ws. Fomrf ormatadldornc ss HarpcrCollins Publ..i.Is nhcc1. 0E. a s5t3 rSd ......N. ewY orNYk . 10022. HarpcrCollms books may bc putchfascoder d uca"busomn .a.. l.O .t s alp.rosm otuisco.n al Foirn formapti..i.c own nw SpcciMala rkOc.tpartmcs n•• HarpttC ollPmusb h..s.Ih nc.c . 10E as5.3 rSrdr. .�N ewY orNkY. 10022. R.pnnIIr<I dP mnni2a00l1 . TheL ibroafCry o ngrhase scsa ulogthuceh da rdceodvietrasi foonU ows: S.ewJaortn.. Nakepdi a..u..o ff arnowpc oplIcJ oStncw art.-I" cd. p. em. ISB0N- 68I8 -5530-8 I.T ill. P 61625845 1998 98-38999 814·.�c21 CIP ISB0N- 688-171(6p2b-k1. ) 010 20 30 .0 5W BC/ QW 190 8 Naked Pictures of Famous People Page i For my loves: Tracey, Stan, and Shamsky, No offense, Sportscenter. Naked Pictures of Famous People Page ii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS The following people contributed love, inspiration, support, advice, therapy, friendship, research, money, criticism, pressure, name-calling, threats of physical violence or genetic material The book could not have been completed without them, and yet, even with them, I still missed deadlines. Marian Leibowitz, Donald Leibowitz, Larry, Shelly, Benjamin and Abbey Leibowitz, Nathan Laskin, Bob and Mary Spiegel, James Dixon, Jimmy Miller, Lee Stollman, Jeff Garlin, Matt Labov, Peter Huyck, Alex Gregory, Adam Resnick, Michael Shore, Kyle Heller, Paul Nelson, Bobby Cohen, Michael Klein, Denis Leary, Diane Dwyer, Chris McShane, Jill Liederman and Dan Strone. Special mention of thanks to my editor, Rob Weisbach. Without his skilled and persistent knowledge I never would have developed gastrointestinal problems. Tracey, I cannot express how much your love and support have meant. All I can do is promise not to wake you at three in the morning to try. Naked Pictures of Famous People Page iii CONTENTS Breakfast At Kennedy's I 1 A Very Hanson Christmas, 1996-1999 7 Lack Of Power: The Ford Tapes 13 Martha Stewart's Vagina 25 The New Judaism 30 Pen Pals 38 Local News 44 The Last Supper, Or The Dead Waiter 46 Da Vinci: The Lost Notebook 51 The Cult 57 Five Under Five 65 The Recipe 70 The Devil And William Gates 74 Vincent And Theo On AOL 81 Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold 89 Adolf Hitler: The Larry King Interview 95 Lenny Bruce: The Making Of A Sitcom 103 Microsoft Word '98 Suggested Spelling 109 And Usage Naked Pictures of Famous People Page iv BREAKFAST AT KENNEDY'S during the spring of 1935 I had the good fortune of making as my close acquaintance none other than John F, (Jack) Kennedy* Jack and his roommate Lemoyne Billings (LeMoan, Jack would say with an impish grin) were sixth-formers at the prestigious boarding school Choate, where I was a struggling fourth-former. Jack was top dog at the school, much beloved for his lightning wit and easy way with the ladies, but one sensed a sadness about him, A sadness that came from being an outcast, the only Catholic at an all-Protestant boarding school. That's where Jack and I bonded, I was the only Jew, My father ran the commissary so I was allowed to attend school there. My room, or the Yeshiva, as Jack called it (he really wasn't prejudiced and would often defend me to the others as a "terrific yid"), was a meeting place and a hotbed for hatching great pranks ... I'm sure the ample supply of brisket and white-fish from Dad helped. Whatever it was, Jack and I bonded and that spring break he invited Lem and me to visit with his family in Hyannis. Lem, because he was Jack's best friend. "Big, ugly, retarded, chicken shit Lem," Jack would winningly prod. And me—I guess because of our outcast bond ... and our similar views on family and politics ... and I had a car. I'm glad I kept this journal. I hope it gives the reader some sense of... not President Kennedy, not Camelot, but the happy-go-lucky boy we knew—Jack. APRIL 9, 1935 Trip gets off to a rocky start. I argued terribly with Father over the use of the family's Hudson. It's our only car and my father felt he might need it to rush my younger brother to the doctor. He recently contracted a form of typhus and the hospital is a good ten miles from campus. The argument was quite heated. A "kikefight," Jack would expertly chide. Although my father forbade me to take the car, Jack showed me how to start it without the keys and off we went. Any ambivalent feelings I had were assuaged when Jack put his arm around me and said he admired my pluck. "The Zippy Zionist," he would say, smartly using alliteration. Naked Pictures of Famous People 1

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