Men, Masculinity and Contemporary Dating

255 Pages·2018·2.087 MB·English

by  Chris Haywood

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Chris Haywood
Men, Masculinity and Contemporary Dating
Chris Haywood
Men, Masculinity and
Contemporary
Dating
Chris Haywood
Media, Culture and Heritage
Newcastle University
Newcastle-upon-Tyne, UK
ISBN 978-1-137-50682-5 ISBN 978-1-137-50683-2 (eBook)
https://doi.org/10.1057/978-1-137-50683-2
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018937513
© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s) 2018
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To Sandra Haywood, Jade Haywood, Elycia Haywood and Victoria
Haywood
Acknowledgements
I have been so lucky to have a number of friends and colleagues who have
helped think through many of the areas when putting this book together.
This includes, Mairtin Mac an Ghaill, Thomas Johansson, Liviu Popoviciu,
Jeepers Andersson, Andreas Ottemo, Marcus Herz, Ylva Odenbring,
Anne Dorte; Niels Ulrik Sørensen, Michael Keheler, Ali Javaid, Jhitsayarat
Siripai, Chao Yang, Andrea Waling, Kelly Murphey, Lucas Gotzen,
Margareta Bohlin, Peter Hakansson, Per Norden, Jeniie Sivenberg, Nils
Hammaren, Annette Helman, Ardis Kristen and Xiaodong Lin. A very
special thank you to Jonathan Allan, Frank Karioris and Andrea Waling
for their intellectual warmth, kindness and hangover cures.
A number of conferences over the last years have proved invaluable to
the development of the book: the NYRIS conference with fantastic input
from my Nordic friends, the Men and Power conference in South Africa,
the Men Doing Sex conference at Newcastle University, and also my stay
with Todd Reeser and the staff and students of Pittsburgh University. A
special shout out to the American Men’s Studies Association conferences
over the past few years—one of the few places that is safe to share ideas
with critical friends and is not a forum for academic entrepreneurs.
Colleagues at Newcastle including Gareth Longstaff, Steve Walls,
David Baines, Florian Zollman, Karen Ross, Clifton Evers, Darren
Kelsey, Gerard Corsane, Peter Hopkins, Pauline Dixon, Steve Humble,
vii
viii Acknowledgements
Bill Roberts, Kerry Dodds, Sarah Greenhalgh, Jane Hughes and Christine
Foster deserve special praise.
This book would not have been at all possible without those who
helped carry out the interviews. Jessica Pass, Josephine Ayre, Megan Law
and Zoe Bright, your time, help and discussions have been invaluable.
Thank you to my family, who at different times have helped and sup-
ported me in different ways: John Haywood, Paul Denny, Lelah
McDermott, Tony McDermott, Poppy Haywood and David Hillaby. A
special shout out to James Matheson.
Finally, I have been privileged to teach the Sex, Sexuality and Desire
module at Newcastle University for a number of years, and I sincerely
thank all of the students over those years who taught me things that I
never knew was possible. Doing ‘Sex’ with you was such good fun and I
look forward to doing more of it in future years!
Contents
1 First Encounters 1
2 (Post) Dating Masculinities: From Courtship to a Post-
dating World 25
3 Speed Dating: The Making of ‘Three- Minute Masculinities’ 55
4 Holiday Romances: Liquid Lust and the ‘Package Holiday’ 93
5 Mobile Romance: Tinder and the Navigation
of Masculinity 131
6 Online Sex Seeking: Beyond Digital Encounters 167
7 ‘Dogging Men’: Car Parks, Masculinity and Anonymous
Sex 199
ix
x Contents
8 Conclusion 231
Index 243
1
First Encounters
Introduction
Dating is changing. Alongside the more established ways of meeting
people, such as introductions by family and friends, meetings in bars
and clubs and encounters in everyday work and social life, new forms
of dating are emerging. Speed dating, mobile romance, online dating,
holiday romances and hooking-up provide ways of meeting people
that move away from the taken-for-granted scripts and rituals, to a
moment of uncertainty where the ‘rules of the dating game’ have
become less clear and less predictable. We are developing a new emo-
tional literacy to make sense of the changes in dating, such as the
emergence of ‘thirtysomethings’, ‘placeholder relationships’, ‘stream-
ing infidelity’ and ‘Commitmentphobes’ (of which there are numerous
kinds). Some have suggested that we are now in an era of Post-dating
where the benchmarks of traditional dating cultures are irrelevant
(Massa 2012, p. 7). Within the shifting landscape of dating, there is no
clear guide to understand how such changes should be navigated. And
this book is not going to give you one. However, this book will provide
a reflection on how heterosexual men are navigating them. Although
research is beginning to identify the transformational potential of
© The Author(s) 2018 1
C. Haywood, Men, Masculinity and Contemporary Dating,
https://doi.org/10.1057/978-1-137-50683-2_1