Women Shepherding Women Encouraging and equipping women to love God and love others. Pamela Bundy Melanie Patterson Melissa Poehlke Susan Sage Susan Teeters Scripture quotations identified NIV are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations identified NIV1984 are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations identified NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright ©1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations identified NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright ©1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Download free copies of Life Touch at www.lifetouchministries.org Copyright ©2014 TABLE OF CONTENTS Acknowledgments ......................................................................................................................................... 2 The Purpose of Life Touch............................................................................................................................. 3 Course Strategies .......................................................................................................................................... 4 Trusting Jesus as Savior ................................................................................................................................. 5 Loving God and Loving Others ...................................................................................................................... 7 Receiving and Experiencing God’s Love .................................................................................................... 7 Loving God ............................................................................................................................................... 19 Loving One Another ................................................................................................................................. 34 Women Shepherding Women .................................................................................................................... 38 Examples of Shepherding ....................................................................................................................... 39 Guidelines for Shepherding Relationships.............................................................................................. 43 Qualifications for Shepherding ............................................................................................................... 45 The Do’s and Don’ts of Shepherding Women ........................................................................................ 55 Final Words of Encouragement .................................................................................................................. 75 Appendix A: Scripture Reference List ......................................................................................................... 76 Appendix B: Resource List for Shepherding ................................................................................................ 81 Appendix C: Bible Study Tools .................................................................................................................... 85 Appendix D: Group Leader Guide .............................................................................................................. 86 Appendix E: Expanded Table of Contents .................................................................................................. 95 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS There are not words to express the gratitude and appreciation for all those who have supported this effort. It would not have been possible without the strength and love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. From the beginning, God provided the plan and the means. It is His, in His timing, and for His glory. We thank our husbands and families for their encouragement, support, and prayer. Finally, without the careful attention to detail extended to us by Carla Good, Cheri Litwinovich, Christina Delgado, and Norma Bloyer through editing, this would not have been as precise. We appreciate all of your time and abilities very much. Thank you from the depths of our hearts. Much love, Melanie, Melissa, Pam, Susan, Susan 2 THE PURPOSE OF LIFE TOUCH Encouraging and equipping women in shepherding other women into the presence of God by: o Connecting: In our daily lives, looking for where and in whom God is working and joining Him; church, women’s events, school, family, anywhere! Assessing a person’s needs personally and spiritually, and praying for God’s direction. o Discipling: Teaching the fundamentals of living a life in Christ. o Coming Alongside: Helping women in their walk with God. Listening, encouraging, sharing life experience, praying, investing, holding accountable, caring, feeding, nourishing, tending. Encouraging and equipping women to love God and love others! “'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ And He said to him, ‘”You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.”’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.’” (Matthew 22: 36-40 NASB) 3 COURSE STRATEGIES Throughout this course, our hope and prayer is that you would learn about loving God and loving others and be transformed. Our desire is that God will transform your heart and mind through His Word and His Spirit; and that you will choose to be obedient in everything He calls you to do. In an interview with Women of Faith, Bob Goff author of Love Does says “Have what you meet (learn) 1 about translate into what you do about it. Let it change what you do, not just what you think.” In fact, he now refers to “Bible study” as “Bible doing.” As you go through Life Touch, always ask yourself, “What am I actually going to do about what I am learning?” Below are some strategies that we have tried to incorporate into the training. We believe they will help enrich your experience. Leave room for God. Every so often take time to stop and listen to God. Be flexible and be sure to direct your attention to Him as you move through the training. Guided opportunities to prayer are marked in this manual with a and for reflection with a ♥. Give yourself opportunities to think and reflect personally on the information given. Apply what you are learning to your own situation(s). Don’t be afraid to get deep and listen to what God wants to reveal to you about you. Ask yourself, “What does God actually want me to do about what I am learning?” and “Am I willing to be obedient?” Use the spaces marked with a to write down your thoughts and ideas. Be interactive, transparent, and accountable. There are also a variety of activities and questions for discussion (these are marked with a ). If you have the opportunity to complete this course as part of a small group, sharing honestly and openly with others in this intimate setting will be very beneficial. It is important to always keep in confidence what others share in the group. If you are completing this study on your own, we encourage you to write down your thoughts and if possible, find another woman with whom you can share and discuss what you are learning. You may also want to ask a fellow believer whom you trust to hold you accountable to what you are learning and how you are going to put what you learn into practice. Give yourself time. Transformation is a continuous process. Take one step at a time and keep on growing and obeying. God will be glorified. We are in this together. That’s what Life Touch is all about! 1 Women of Faith, Love Does Bible “Doing” VS Bible “Study”, Monday July 16, 2012, www.womenof faith.com/2012/07/love-does-bible-study-vs-bible-doing/ 4 TRUSTING JESUS AS SAVIOR Before embarking upon this journey, it is important to note that we assume you have already trusted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord of your life. However, you may have not yet entered into a personal relationship with Christ. If not, then this material will have little meaning for you. We are told in I Corinthians 2:14 (NASB) that “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” If you do not have a relationship with Christ, you are still searching for something or someone that will give your life meaning and hope (whether you know it or not). Jesus Christ will be all that and more! ♥ Ask God to speak to you through His Word as you read the following Scriptures. Look them up and read each entire verse. They are listed here as a quick reference. Romans 3:23: All have sinned. Romans 6:23: Eternal life is a free gift of God. Romans 5:8: Because of His love for you, Jesus paid the death penalty for your sins. Romans 10:9-10: Confess Jesus as Lord and believe that God raised Him from the dead. Romans 10:13: Ask God to save you, and He will. To agree intellectually that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that He died on the cross for our sins is not enough. Nor is it enough to have an emotional experience about Jesus, such as when everything seems to be going well or when we are in a church service singing great praise songs. We receive Jesus Christ by faith, as an act of the will. To place our faith in Jesus and receive His gift of eternal life, we must: Recognize that we are sinners who need a saving relationship with Him. Confess our sins to God (agree with Him about them). Repent (turn away from) of our sins. Ask Jesus to save us by His grace. 2 Turn over the rule of our lives to Jesus, letting Him be our Lord. The most important decision we could ever make in our lives is to accept Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord. When we make this decision, Christ comes to dwell within us, and we are given eternal life! Is God speaking to your heart? Have you trusted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? If not, right now would be a great time to talk with Him about it, to take Him at His Word, to surrender your life 2 Henry T. Blackaby and Richard Blackaby, Experiencing God (Life Way Press, 2007), p. 8 5 to Him, and to begin the most important relationship of your life! He wants to be your Friend. What is holding you back from accepting His love and forgiveness and turning your life over to Him? If God is speaking to your heart and you want to accept this wonderful gift of grace, talk to Him right now. You might pray something like this (although the exact words are not necessary, just talk to Him from your heart): Dear God, I want to know You personally. I know that I have sinned and that my sin separates me from You. I am sorry for my sin. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me to pay the penalty for my sin. I believe Jesus rose from the dead and is alive. God, please forgive me. I ask Jesus to come into my life and be my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sin and giving me eternal life. I surrender myself to You. I want to obey You and live for You the rest of my life. Thank You for loving me so much. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. Congratulations! You have just begun the most wonderful adventure of living in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You have begun by trusting Him. Now you are His child! You have a new identity. You are a new creation! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away ; behold all things have become new.” (II Corinthians 5:17 NKJV) If you just prayed this prayer, or one like it, share with someone next to you that you are now forgiven and you have a new life in Christ. If you have prayed this prayer while alone, call someone -- a friend, family member, church friend, or small group leader – and share the good news of your new life in Christ! If you have already trusted Christ as your Lord and Savior, take some time to thank Him for the wonderful relationship that you have with Him. Write out a prayer of thankfulness to the One who has saved you and loves you with unfailing love! Praise God with the words of the doxology: Praise God from whom all blessings flow Praise Him all creatures here below Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost 3 Amen 3 Doxology, Public Domain 6 LOVING GOD AND LOVING OTHERS Receiving and Experiencing God’s Love In this part of the training, our goal is to come to a deeper understanding of how to live each day believing and experiencing God’s love so that we can offer that love to others. In order to do this we have to be willing to put aside our own agendas and interfering beliefs and be open to hearing God speak to and change us. We need to be transparent with Him and with one another. Our God is a transforming God. He wants to change us, heal us, and grow us from the inside out. “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.” (Psalm 51:6 NIV84) Living in truth means we need to be honest and vulnerable about our wounds, failures and needs. Intimate relationships with God and others are built on these things. Without exposing our weaknesses and fears we cannot grow and be transformed by our Heavenly Father. It is important to be honest with God, ourselves, and one another because it is that honesty that He uses to bring us closer to Him and into a deeper experience of how He wants to be involved in our lives. If you are completing this course in a group, remember that this needs to be a safe place. Everyone in the group needs to keep in confidence everything that the rest of the group shares and not speak outside of group meetings about anything other than one’s own personal experiences, even to other group members. We will treat one another with grace, kindness and respect. And we will not try to solve each other’s issues. We will only listen and encourage. Let’s stop right here and ask God to give us what we need to be open and willing to go on this journey with Him. What Is Love? According to I Corinthians 13 (NIV) love is patient and kind, it protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, rejoices with the truth, and never fails. Love does not envy, boast, delight in evil or keep record of wrongs. Love is not proud, rude, self-seeking, or easily angered. The kind of love that operates this way is the unconditional love that our Heavenly Father offers us. It’s easy to view this kind of “heavenly” love as beyond our ability to give. Most of us want to love this way, but we often fall short. In order to experience or give this kind of love we have to be dependent on God’s life within us. That means we have to decide to spend time drinking it in, letting Him and His love fill us up so we can be conduits for that love. Many believe love is a feeling, but biblically it is not. We may feel loving feelings when we choose to perform acts of love toward another person. But, love is an action word and a practice motivated by God’s intentions toward another person. When God empowers us to love this way we are able to care as much about another’s well-being and spiritual growth as our own and act on that caring. 7 “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (I John 3:18 NIV84) What are your thoughts and feelings in response to these truths? How do you see yourself experiencing this kind of love from God? What about giving it to others--how are you doing? Stop and talk to God about your answers to these questions. Write down your prayer in relation to them and what you sense is His response. We Love Because He First Loved Us “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” (I John 4:7 NIV) There seems to be a direct connection in the preceding verse between knowing God and possessing His love to share with others. Can we be born of God and not know Him? It’s possible. Have you ever met someone for the first time and thought “I’d really like to develop a relationship with that person”? Do you know them yet? You may know what other people have told you about them and even have your own thoughts about them. But, you don’t know them until you have spent time with them and experienced who they are. In the same way, we can meet Jesus, want to get to know Him, but not really spend time doing so. To have a deep intimate relationship with Him we need to devote significant time to learn to listen to Him and to experience His transformational power in our lives. ♥ What interferes with pursuing this kind of experience in your life? Is it wrong priorities? Is it fear? What are your struggles? Write down your thoughts to Jesus. Tell Him what you need; what you are willing to do. 8