I Am What I Am

250 Pages·2013·4.8 MB·English

by  Barrowman John

I Am What I Am
Praise for John’s first book, Anything Goes ‘Anything Goes is a refreshingly
honest, funny and engaging read that hooks readers from the opening chapter.’
Woman’s Way
‘John Barrowman, the immensely likeable actor behind Captain Jack, has written
his autobiography … Charmingly lurid, the book has the right saucy, sassy,
somewhat overexcited quality for an afternoon on the sofa with a box of violet
creams.’
Daily Telegraph ‘Multi-talented John Barrowman, the star of the Doctor Who
spin-off Torchwood, tells of behind-the-scenes celeb high jinks, hilarious
memories and the sometimes moving story of his two decades of work in the
film, TV, music and theatre industry in this open and entertaining
autobiography.’
The Herald
‘Charting his rise to superstardom from humble beginnings in Scotland to life in
LA, Torchwood star John Barrowman reveals how he has become one of the
best-loved stars of the stage and screen. Four stars.’
OK!
‘Gossipy, fun and endlessly entertaining, buy this out of curiosity, buy it for the
insight into the worlds of stage and television, but most of all, buy it for his
absolutely hilarious stories of a Glasgow childhood with a granny you’ll just
adore.’
Daily Record
‘John Barrowman is on a bit of a roll at the moment. Everything he touches
seems to turn to gold and his heartfelt autobiography is no exception … This is a
charming read that really gives us insight into John Barrowman.’
Beige
I Am What I Am
JOHN BARROWMAN
with Carole E. Barrowman
Michael O’Mara Books Limited
Contents
Author’s Acknowledgements
1 ‘Promenade’
2 ‘We Are What We Are’
Table Talk #1: ‘You People Can’t Go in There’
3 ‘Where Do We Go From Here?’
4 ‘I Can Do That’
Table Talk #2: ‘We Have a Hostage Situation – Send in the Clowns’
5 ‘I Know Him So Well’
Table Talk #3: ‘Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang!’
6 ‘I’d Do Anything’
Table Talk #4: ‘There’s an Iguana in the Toilet and He’s Grinning at Me’
7 ‘Make the Dirt Stick’
Table Talk #5: ‘Blame It on the Flip-Flops … and the Harveys’
8 ‘Mr Saturday Night’
9 ‘Joints and Jam’
Table Talk #6: ‘Was That Captain Jack Racing a Rickshaw?’
10 ‘O Canada’
Table Talk #7: ‘Oh No, You Didn’t!’
11 ‘On the Road Again’
Table Talk #8: ‘Two Men and Their Dogs’
12 ‘A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square’
Table Talk #9: ‘Zaza, Elphaba, Tottie and Me’
13 ‘Destination Anywhere’
14 ‘I Am What I Am’
Table Talk #10: ‘Goodnight and Thank You’
Index
List of Plates
Author’s Acknowledgements
I
’ve approached this book from a slightly different angle than the first one,
Anything Goes. Rather than covering the panorama of my life, I’ve zoomed in
on a few key events and experiences of the past few years, and sprinkled among
them family stories that give you a chance to get a little closer to me. The brief
vignettes scattered among the chapters are called ‘Table Talks’ – because when I
was growing up, these more intimate, funny, quirky stories were the ones that
made up the conversation at the Barrowman dinner table, as in, ‘That’s a story
for table talk.’ When you turn the page and enter my house in Sully, you’ll see
what I mean.
Wait! Not yet. This part’s important too. I’ll be quick.
Once again, Carole and I collaborated on this book and, once again, we have
people to thank. We owe a great debt – to be repaid (we promise) in books, golf,
shoes, purses and a slap-up meal or two – to Scott, Kevin, Clare (‘Oh, my,
there’s a jewellery store’), Turner, and especially to our parents, John and
Marion Barrowman (the Harveys and the Glenmorangies are on us, Mum and
Dad). Our lives would be very boring and this book would be very short without
each one of you. Both of us are grateful for your love, your support, and your
sense of humour (even when it’s mocking us).
To Gavin Barker (aka Patricia), my manager and our friend – you’re the tops,
and indispensable when it comes to remembering details and returning emails.
Hugs and kisses to the rest of Team Barrowman: Rhys Livesy, my personal
assistant, and Michelle, Steven and Katie at Gavin Barker Associates.
We would like to sing the praises of everyone at Michael O’Mara Books,
especially Alison Parker, Sarah Sandland, and our patient and stalwart editor,
Kate Gribble – we owe you a karaoke night … or two, Kate.
Also thanks to Andrew, Dot, Andrew, Yvonne and Bridgett, and the
Barrowmans in Scotland, for letting us share with the world how bloody barmy
we all are.
Finally, and most importantly, this book is dedicated to all my fans.
With love, John 2009
CHAPTER ONE
‘PROMENADE’
★
‘Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s
too dark to read.’
Groucho Marx
Six of my favourite things in my house in Wales
1 A caricature depicting the Torchwood cast embracing Captain Jack and
Captain John in an exuberant tangle of arms and legs (say no more).
2 The original sheet music for Cole Porter’s ‘I Get a Kick Out of You’ (a
gift from my Reno Sweeney, Sally Ann Triplett).
3 Model planes, ships and cars, and a telescope to view the stars (these
are a few of Scott’s favourite things, too).
4 Two goldfish that my niece, Clare, and I rescued from a friend’s house
and named after two of our ‘pet’ names for each other (Shaka and Nina).
5 My gran, Murn’s, two ‘Wally Dugs’.
6 A bust of Caesar and a statue of Buddha in the bathroom, plus an
oversized, welded-steel statue of a male diver in a backward pike that
dominates the interior courtyard.
W
elcome, readers – to my home in Sully, Wales, and to my life in the
spotlight. Watch out for my dogs tangling themselves at your feet: Harris,
a boisterous black cocker spaniel; Charlie, a gorgeous red-haired Dogs Trust
rescue spaniel; and the family’s thug, Captain Jack, a rescued Jack Russell terrier
from Cardiff Dogs Home. Try to avoid their frenzied doggy madness as you step
into my front foyer, and consider yourselves very lucky – because, since there’s
so many of you, I haven’t gently urged you into the foyer, switched off the
lights, closed the outer door … and left you alone to discover that a full-size
black Dalek looms in the corner.1
The Dalek is one of a kind, made especially for me by the Doctor Who tech
guys; I requested that the Torchwood logo be tattooed beneath his menacing eye
stalk. My Torchwood Dalek is one of two treasured pieces of memorabilia
displayed in pride of place at the front of my home because of their importance
to my success in the entertainment business.
The second piece is far less scary, but equally significant. Hanging on my
interior front door – where a welcome wreath might normally be – is the SS
American life preserver from Trevor Nunn’s revival of Anything Goes, in which
I played Billy Crocker. Anything Goes, as you may know, was the Cole Porter
musical in which I made my West End debut with Elaine Paige in 1989.
Anyone can make a grand entrance promenading along this hallway towards
the main part of the house; even the dogs love to skid up and down on the blond
oak-wood floor. To your left is a guest bathroom that I call my ‘superhero
room’. It’s decorated with comic-book art: a poster-sized ‘Spidey Saves the Day’
comic cover, and on the wall opposite this is a poster from one of the first
Superman movies. The film’s tag line is ‘Irresistible Force’ – which is an
appropriate mantra for a toilet, don’t you think?
Most of the art and the photographs in this hallway – and elsewhere in the
house – punctuate special moments in my life or Scott’s. For example, next to
the bathroom door, you’ll notice the framed drawings and costume swatches for
one of my Dancing on Ice costumes. The best art, though, is through the far
windows in front of you.
The view of the sea and the distant English coast is stunning, isn’t it? After a
hectic week of meetings or rehearsals or recordings or whatever, I come down
this hallway, see that expanse of water – the Bristol Channel, and beyond to the
Celtic Sea – and the surrounding craggy cliffs, and my entire body kicks into
relax mode.2 One of the first things Scott and I do when we arrive home
together is drop our bags at the bedroom door and step outside, where, for a few
minutes, we simply stand and stare at the majesty of it all.
While sitting on my deck overlooking this spectacular view, I began exploring
ideas for this second book. I re-read many of your comments about my first
book, Anything Goes. I’ve received letters and emails from all over the world
since AG’s publication, and after seriously mulling them over, a few things
really struck me.
One of them was this. No matter what your family experiences, you found
connections with the Barrowman clan. Sisters wrote to me about their brothers;
brothers wrote to me that they, too, had a bossy big sis.3 Mums shared the book
with daughters, and then they passed it along to their sons. Gay sons gave the
book to their parents, hoping for some understanding; and parents gave the book
to their gay sons, saying they understood. A few of you told me you used the
book as a way to mend bridges within your families, and a lot of you revealed
that the book reminded you of your own family’s silly antics. You sent me tales
about your dogs, your children, your schools and your grans.4 And all of them
brought me great joy. Some of you shared stories of alienation and exile from
your families, and I’m deeply touched that you found some comfort in the
anecdotes from mine. It was a no-brainer, then, that this new book would include
a few more Barrowman yarns.
Watch your step as you come down into my main living area, which runs the
length of the house; its expansive windows frame the pool and the sea beyond.5
This space is divided into three distinct living areas: two ranged with their own
comfy reading chairs and oversized leather couches, while the third space, at the
far end of the room, accommodates a massive wooden table that came from
Thailand. The table is scarred with the knots, crevices and imprints of the two
trees that produced it, as well as the countless cocktail parties, family dinners,
lunches and buffets it’s played host to, and the book piles, laundry piles and
other everyday stuff and more stuff that ends up on all dining-room tables.
Dominating these main living areas – along with my 52-inch Sony flat-screen
TV, which I have to admit is on most of the day – is big, bold, bursting-with-
colour art by Steve Walker and bright pop images by Burton Morris. My dear
friend in LA, Brett Vinovitch, introduced me to these artists.6 Brett used to
work for Andy Warhol and he knows his hues from his values better than most.
Currently above the fireplace is an oil painting by Paul Kenton, which
captures in its broad strokes and blurs of colour the kinetic energy of New
York’s Times Square. On its left is a painting of a Tutsi woman warrior that
Scott bought for me for my birthday while in South Africa, and on the right is an
original artwork depicting some very fit baseball players by the Abercrombie &
Fitch artist Mark Beard. Below the mantel sit my gran, Murn’s, two Wally Dogs
– or ‘Wally Dugs’, as they’re known in Glasgow. (‘Wally’ is slang for ‘made
with china’. Use in a sentence? You could drink from ‘wally cups’ if you lived
in a ‘wally close’.7 )
Another thing that struck me from your feedback was that lots of you wanted
to know my perspective on aspects of love and life from under a celebrity
spotlight. You don’t necessarily want to know what I think about big global
issues,8 but you do want to know my opinions on what matters to me. That’s
why inside this book, among other things, you’ll find my insights about being
Captain Jack, about being a talent-show judge, about being a family man, a gay
man, a brother, a son, and a lover.
And that’s why I’ve invited you into my home: to give you an opportunity to
spend time with me in a more intimate setting, listening to some Barrowman
table talk and learning more about my personal escapades and professional
experiences from the past couple of years. So, please, join me at my table. I’ve
made dinner9 and I have lots of terrific table talk to dish.