Table Of Content

SONYA HAMLIN HOW TO T A LK SO PEOPLE L I S T EN the real key to job success 1817 HARPER & ROW, PUBLISHERS New York Cambridge, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Washington, London, Mexico City, Sao Paulo, Singapore, Sydney HOW TO TALK SO PEOPLE LISTEN. Copyright © 1988 by Sonya Hamlin. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information address Harper & Row, Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, New York, N.Y. 10022. Published simultaneously in Canada by Fitzhenry & Whiteside Limited, Toronto. FIRST EDITION Designer: Ruth Bornschlegel Copy editor: Ann Adelrnan Indexer: Maro Riofrancos Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Hamlin, Sonya. How to talk so people listen. Includes index. 1. Business communication. 2. Oral communication. 3. Persuasion (Psychology) I. Title. HF5718.H284 1988 658.4'52 87-15624 ISBN 0-06-015669-4 88 89 90 91 92 RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 21 For information about our audio products, write us at: Newbridge Book Clubs, 3000 Cinde! Drive, Deiran, NJ 08370 To my friends: T.A.W.;C.H.;A.P.;J.N.;N.L.G.; M.D.A.; E.A.C.: K.V.: I.M.; N.N.; H.S. The ones who, unlike your family, don't have to let you in when you knock, but by voluntarily reaching for your hand tell you that you are indeed loved and supported. Contents 1 • WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? Why We Don't Communicate Well in the Workplace 1 WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT 2 How Do I Know? 3 WHY WE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME COMMUNICATING 4 Where It Begins 5 How It Develops 6 What We Want 7 WHAT MOTIVATES WORK 8 Status 8 Usefulness 9 Affection/Acceptance 9 Money/Security 10 OUR PUBLIC IMAGE 12 What Works, What Doesn't and Why 12 What We Already Know 13 BASIC WORK PERSONALITIES 13 Achievers 14 Affiliators 15 Influencers 16 Using the Work Types 18 A Predominance of Achievers 19 THE BASICS OF COMMUNICATING: Why and How People Listen 21 Vlll CONTENTS TELLING AND LISTENING 21 The One-sided Nature of Telling 21 Listening Is Work 22 Motivation 22 WHAT MAKES PEOPLE LISTEN 23 Self Interest 23 Who's Telling 25 How They Tell It 31 THE NEW TECHNIQUES OF TELLING 34 Basic Techniques of Television Communication 34 Communication Consequences of TV 36 Implications for Business Communication 40 VERBAL VS. NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION 40 How We Communicate 40 COMMON OBSTACLES TO COMMUNICATION 43 How People Feel About Learning 43 Language 45 • GETTING READY TO COMMUNICATE: Fore-thought for Strategies 48 DEVELOPING STRATEGIES 48 What Goes Wrong and Why 48 Where We Get Stuck 52 FORE-THOUGHT 52 Who Is Your Audience? 53 What You Know, What You Need 53 THE FORE-THOUGHT CHART 56 The Basic Idea 56 The Process 57 Objective Goals 58 Emotional Needs 61 Probable Expectations 68 A Chart for the Summoned 74 Contents ix FORE-THOUGHT CHECK-LIST 76 Forethought for Larger Audiences 77 4 • STRUCTURING AND ORGANIZING BUSINESS ENCOUNTERS 78 PREPARATION 78 Choose and Edit Your Goals 78 SCHEDULING THE MEETING 81 When to Meet 81 Which Day 84 Where to Meet 85 To Lunch or Not to Lunch 89 Breakfast Meetings 90 GETTING ON THE CALENDAR 91 Techniques 91 DESIGNING PRESENTATIONS: What Captures Attention and Understanding 96 GUIDELINES FOR DESIGNING PRESENTATIONS 97 How We Think 97 What We Need So We Understand and Stay Interested 99 STRUCTURING A PRESENTATION 104 Outline Form 104 Order of Presentation 104 Checklist 109 MAKING MESSAGES VISUAL 110 Why Use Visual Reinforcement 110 What to Show; What to Tell 110 "Leave-Behinds" 112 DESIGNING VISUAL MATERIALS 114 Basic Guidelines 114 Techniques for Using Visual Aids 117 CONTENTS 6 • CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: One-on-One 119 OPENERS 119 Before You Begin 120 Change Gears 120 Warm-up 120 Small Talk 121 Where to Sit 123 Amenities 124 Body Language 125 SUBSTANCE 126 Up Front: Agenda, Goals, Time 126 Sharing the Power 127 Motivation 129 Telling and Explaining 129 Discussion 130 SPECIAL ISSUES 132 Creative Criticism 132 Getting at the Truth 134 Handling Anger—Yours and His/Hers 135 CLOSURE 138 Recap and Clarify 138 List Next Steps 139 Follow-Up 139 End on a High Note 139 CHECKLIST 140 7 • PRESENTATIONS: How to Make Memorable Speeches 142 UNDERSTANDING AUDIENCES 142 How Audiences Feel 142 PLANNING YOUR PRESENTATION 145 Profile Your Audience 145 Why Are They Coming 147 Physical Realities 149 Contents DESIGNING YOUR PRESENTATION 250 Positioning the Speech 150 Basic Organization of a Speech 153 SHOULD YOU WRITE IT? 154 Written vs. Oral Speeches 154 The Effect of Written Speeches on the Audience 156 The Effects on You, the Speaker 157 For Addicted Speechwriters 158 For Extemporizers 158 MAKING USABLE NOTES AND OUTLINES 759 The Basic Process 159 TECHNIQUES FOR DELIVERING MEMORABLE SPEECHES 164 Attention-Getting Openings 164 Audience Involvement 168 Presenting Subject Matter 171 Endings 174 PERSONAL STYLE 175 Being Yourself 175 How You Feel Toward Your Audience 176 Stage Fright 177 Getting Started 179 The Lectern or Podium 181 SPEAKING AND LANGUAGE SKILLS 182 Making Language Clear 182 Analogies 183 Use Words Visually 183 Emphasize 184 The Use of Silence 184 A POSTSCRIPT 185 The Never-Make-A-Speech-Without-It Checklist 185 8 • THE ART OF BEING QUESTIONED: The Audience or the Boss Vs. You 188 BASIC PRINCIPLES OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS 188 The Questioning Process 188 CONTENTS Conditioning 189 How We Answer Questions 189 THE AUDIENCE VS. YOU: ANSWERING AUDIENCE QUESTIONS 191 Why Answer Questions? 191 Preparing for Q & A 193 ANSWERING TECHNIQUES 196 Getting Started 196 Handling Questions 198 Handling Difficult Questions and Questioners 201 Buying Time 201 Avoiding the Question 203 Turning Questions Around 203 Cutting People Off 204 Getting the Audience on Your Side 204 HANDLING HOSTILITY 205 Why People Get Hostile 205 Techniques for Handling Hostility 207 THE BOSS VS. YOU 211 The Dynamics of Power 211 How Much Room at the Top 211 Preparation 213 BASIC TECHNIQUES FOR ANSWERING 214 Answering Informational Questions 215 Answering Critical Questions 217 Role Play and Practice 220 9 • MEETINGS: Leading and Participating Effectively 222 WHAT GOES WRONG AND WHY 222 Factual Issues 222 "Feeling" Issues 224 Why Meetings? 226 Comparison of What Should Be and What Is 227 BASIC PERSONALITIES AT MEETINGS 228 Players in a Group Interaction 229 Interaction 232