Broken fathers / broken sons : a psychoanalyst remembers

160 Pages·2008·2.997 MB·English

by  Gargiulo, Gerald J.

Broken Fathers/Broken Sons

Broken Fathers/Broken Sons
A Psychoanalyst Remembers
Gerald J. Gargiulo
Amsterdam - New York, NY 2008
Contemporary Psychoanalytic Studies—Volume 7
© Cover photo of the author: Renate Pfleiderer
The paper on which this book is printed meets the requirements of “ISO
9706:1994, Information and documentation - Paper for documents -
Requirements for permanence”.
ISBN: 978-90-420-2344-4
©Editions Rodopi B.V., Amsterdam - New York, NY 2008
Printed in the Netherlands
Contents
Preface VII
Remembering Humpty 3
Carmelite Passage 23
Finding a Voice 40
Mother Earth 55
Talking Memories 64
Running 76
Interlude (Of Elephants and Kings) 79
Bridges 81
Holding Dreams 93
Dancing with God 100
The Dreaming Knight 106
Grieving Lilacs 114
Finding My Father 126
Memory and Time 131
End Thoughts 136
Epilogue 139
Appendix (Poems For Late Night Reading) 141

Preface

Memory, as we know, is not our most reliable friend. Mem-
oirs are made of memories, so there is something inevitably selec-
tive in any recall, since memory is a child of desire. All anyone
can do, I believe, is to bring as much honesty to one’s recounting
as one is capable of. This memoir is a story of loss and gain, of
alienation and reconciliation and of how such experiences go into
the making of a psychoanalyst and the type of therapy one conse-
quently offers. I have avoided, whenever possible, using any psy-
chological and/or psychoanalytic jargon - it’s the enemy of candor.
I have tried to convey a small aspect of the human condition, some-
thing of the pain and joy we experience in merely living. In sharing my
own very troubled father/son/family history, my decade as a Carmel-
ite monk, my marriage and career as a psychotherapist /psychoanalyst,
I hope to show how the diverse pieces of one’s life can fit together, if
all goes well, into something that is meaningful and real. This is one
person’s life - but not exclusively so. We are bound together, each of
us, in our living, our troubles and our joys. As we hear another’s story,
we are, simultaneously, writing our own autobiography. How else can
we come to know who we are?
I want to thank Ms. Sarah O’Brien for her dedication, patience,
and expertise in formatting this book. I am grateful to Mr. Edmund
Stoecklein for his technical computer guidance. I owe a particular debt
of appreciation to my colleague, Dr. Jon Mills of Toronto, for his
commitment to publishing this memoir. The novelist/essayist Erika
Duncan has been a constant source of encouragement and invaluable
advice. Finally, my deepest appreciation goes to my wife Julia whose
guidance, editorial assistance, and loving critiques are the foundations
upon which this short work is built.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
And all the king’s horses,
And all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.
—Old English Rhyme