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My friend Herbie said: “My wife is the H e n d e r s o n , N e v a d a 8 9 0 5 2 ca - the people of America; the songs of greatest argument for twin beds.” P h o n e 7 0 2 . 2 51. 4 4 41 . F a x 7 0 2 . 6 6 6 - 0 4 2 7 America; the Bank of America! 7. Happiness is when an old man 2. It’s easy to spot a marries a frigid woman. V o l u m e 1 1 , I s s u e 1 2 psychiatrist in a nud- 8. If you put a coffee ist colony. He’s the table in your bedroom, only guy listening would it keep you PUBLISHER/EDITOR . Dan Roberts [email protected] instead of look- up all night? PRESIDENT . Ray Sarbacker [email protected] ing. 9. A man is POLITICAL EDITOR . Rana Goodman [email protected] 3. Ev- incomplete ery woman until he’s ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR . Evan Davis [email protected] should hold married, but THEATRE EDITOR . Jarvis Marlow [email protected] on to her that’s when NIGHT LIFE EDITOR . Sam Wagmeister youth; but he’s really fin- not when he’s driving. ished. TRAVEL EDITOR . Stu Cooper 4. People don’t want to be in traffic, it’s 10. Money can’t buy love, but it does RADIO HOST . Rich Natole just there’s no other place to go when you put you in a good bargaining position. can’t find a parking place. Extra: It’s better to have loved and lost GRAPHICS EDITOR . Michael Roberts 5. In whiskey, it’s age; in a cigarette, it’s - provided no alimony is involved. ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE . Joshua Keith, Kathy Sasser For over the past decade, Marty Allen has performed with his on and off stage SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR . Chris Abraham, Ross Roberts singing partner Karon Kate Blackwell. PROJECT DIRECTOR . Bill Caserta CONTRIBUTING COLUMNISTS Marty Allen Tiffany Fairfax Kyo Mitchell Beverly Washburn Adrea Barrera Francine Fields Mary Richard Devon Wickens Barbara Brighton Myra Gouger Ken Richardson Wes Winters Yvonne Cloutier Ali Guggenheim John Rothman Vicki Wentz Dianne Davis Sydney Ingram Crystal Sarbacker James White Jan Fair Kathy Manney Richard Warren The Vegas Voice is mailed/delivered to every residence in: Anthem Country Club Solera @ Anthem Ardiente Solera @ Stallion Mtn. Country Club Senior Apts. Spanish Trail Destinations Centers Sun City Anthem Horizon Pines Sun City Aliante Las Vegas Meadows Sun City MacDonald Ranch Quail Estates Sun City Summerlin Seven Hills Tropical Palms Siena Whispering Palms Apts. The Vegas Voice is also distributed throughout the Vegas Valley; from North Las Vegas to Boulder City - including select local casinos, bookstores, coffee shops, and all libraries and community centers. What Do You Think? Do you agree with our columnists? Did anyone get you angry, make you think or simply put a smile on your face? Please tell us by forwarding your comments, thoughts or suggestions to Publisher Dan at: [email protected]. And whatever you do, don’t forget our website. Read about the latest in- formation about us grown-ups so you can keep up to date with everything going on. You can also hear our great radio interviews. Check out all our good stuff at: www.thevegasvoice.net. 4 www.thevegasvoice.net RRoobbeerrttss RRuulleess Dan Roberts Guardianship - A Legal Sham & Disgrace “Dammit Rana!” I snapped. “Stop think- all the money went, the ing with your heart.” guardian wouldn’t be “an- It was the first time I ever raised my voice noyed”? in anger to my Ladylove. Although I felt very And even if you have faith strongly that her conclusion was correct, I in the “justice” of the court, needed her to “prove it.” the guardian would spend Sadly, she has. And the worse part - it is all your parent’s or loved one’s perfectly legal and for “our own good.” money; not only to oppose Rana has been on her Don(na) Quixote your petition, but to retain crusade to protect seniors from the abuses and attorneys. So even if you’re scandal regarding the Guardianship (Nevada successful, consider the fi- Revised Statutes - Chapter 159) laws. For the Just like that – your total savings are seized Clark County Family Court nancial cost - all paid by the past few months, she has taken me kicking senior; and all for (of course) Rana’s article asks “What would you do?” ian can claim that your application is with- and screaming into this issue. their “own good.” My first answer was to obtain legal counsel out merit or intended to harass or “annoy” On each and every occasion, when I told OUR VEGAS VOICE SOLUTION and protect myself with a power of attorney them in the performance of their duties. How her that “it could not happen” she provided The good news is that the Nevada legisla- and/or trust. quick will the guardian “threaten” you about the paperwork. ture can stop these abuses with 5 easy revi- Your power of attorney? Immediately re- this and, if you go forward, ask that the court As a former attorney, I learned how to read sions to the guardianship laws. We also chal- voked by court order. (who appointed them in the first place - I’m the law, petitions and court orders. More im- lenge anyone (starting with those private I then discovered that by the guardian pe- telling you, the system is “rigged”) award portantly, I was taught how to read between guardians) to disagree with any of these titioning the court (by the way, what do you sanctions and expenses against you? the lines. common-sense proposals. think the chances are that the court would I’m not kidding; the law actually says you From our research and investigation, it is They are: deny an unopposed petition?) the guardian can’t “annoy” the guardian. Do you believe clear that these “Private Guardianships” are can make or change the senior’s will, trust that if you go to court and demand that the nothing short of a racket. It gives “ambulance CONTINUED ON and even a beneficiary of an insurance policy guardian account, explain and defend where chasers” a good name. PAGE 7 (NRS 159.078). Let me be very precise in our find- I know, I know, it can’t possibly happen ings: Having a private guardian appointed to your elderly parents or impact your adult for a senior is like selecting a child molester children. Think again - especially if your rel- to run a day care center. It is financial el- ative is not a Nevada resident. That’s just one der exploitation; sanctioned and approved reason why Rana has been urging everyone to by the Court and Nevada. sign the petition. One example: According to court records READY FOR Can you imagine if you or your adult chil- filed by a private guardian, (The Vegas Voice dren were denied family access? RETIREMENT? is not ready to release her name yet - but we’re I (half kiddingly) told Rana that if anyone real close) it listed an elderly couple’s (men- tried to prevent my access to my mom, or if tioned in Rana’s column) bank account as my sons were likewise prohibited or restrict- having approximately $23,000. Many hard-working ed in seeing their old man, my baseball bat The initial court order authorized this pri- Americans may not be able would be in one hand and a pitchfork in the vate guardian to seize $10,000 for the hus- to maintain their standard other. band and then an additional ten thousand for of living during retirement. And then Rana showed me the standard the wife (a total of $20,000) for the couple’s A Reverse Mortgage can court order that specifically authorizes the on-going expenses AND (of course) the ex- change that. guardian to “use the assistance of the Hen- penses related to the court proceeding. derson Police Department, Las Vegas Metro- Just like that - the couple’s bank account politan Police Department or any other law was depleted by nearly 90%. Reduce your Keep your Protect your Supplement your Extend your Just like that, the guardian was allowed enforcement agency” in securing and protect- expenses home heirs income savings ing the ward. “reasonable compensation and expenses.” Insane you say? Perhaps taking a baseball Just like that, the guardian was allowed to Give me a call today! You can even Reverse Purchase a new home! bat is; but what about some gentle reasoning hire an attorney to represent the guardian with the guardian? You really think the pri- and to have the lawyer receive “necessary Pat Smith compensation as well as expenses.” vate guardian would relinquish this lucrative Reverse Mortgage Loan Consultant | NMLS# 827909 (but perfectly legal) money making con job? Direct: 702.462.8834 | Cell: 702.321.3792 While the guardianship laws require an Toll Free: 800.450.2010 ext 5137 Perhaps you retain an attorney and sub- annual accounting, such filing was not done. Email: [email protected] mit your own petition to the Family Court. Be What did the court do over this failure? Noth- careful. ing. Under the law (NRS 159.0486) the guard- Licensed by the State of Nevada Department of Business and Industry License #3784. Borrower must pay required taxes and insurance. Not all applicants will qualify. All products are not available Where did all the money go? in all states. All options are not available on all programs. All programs are subject to borrower and property qualifications. Rates, terms and conditions are subject to change without notice. © New American Funding. New American and New American Funding are registered trademarks of Broker Solutions, DBA New American Funding. All Rights Reserved. 12/2014 february 15 5 OOnn MMyy SSooaapp BBooxx Rana Goodman What Would You Do? There is a knock on your of his wife but needed to go door and the caregiver who has to California for cancer sur- stopped by to check on your gery. While he was there, some wife motions you to sit. He will friends were checking in on her answer the door for you. to make sure she was okay. Two people enter; a woman One man that the husband and a man. They approach you worked with, took it upon him- and the woman says: “Mr. X, I self to call the Nevada Depart- am an officer of the court. You ment of Aging to make sure and your wife need to come that the friends were doing all with me.” that was needed in the hus- You ask: “Why, what have I band’s absence. This govern- done? Go with you where?” ment agency then decided that She responds. “You have she needed to be placed with a three choices. I can have you guardian. arrested, you can go to the as- Now why this was not the sisted living facility that I have public guardian, (due to chosen for you, or you can be the couple’s minimal income taken to a mental facility.” and savings) but to a private This is what happened to a guardianship is still being in- couple I recently interviewed. vestigated. What we do know is Rana Goodman and Vegas Voice readers signing the petitions. When the couple asked to see that the private guardian in the a warrant or legal document ing facility miles away from their home. I found the husband (who has been the pri- course of “protecting their new ordering them to go with her, she simply Once the daughter’s finally locates her mary caregiver for his wife for the last 19 of ward” retained an attorney to perform legal showed her business card (which identified parents, she learns that an unknown private their 50 years of marriage) to be the most “services” at the rate of $400.00 per hour - a her as a private guardian) and stated that guardian had been assigned by the family articulate, soft spoken person I have met in fee this couple could not afford. legal papers would arrive within the next court, without a hearing that included her a very long time. His only concern was her By the time the husband returned from few hours. Those three hours stretched into parents. The court document for this action happiness and well-being knowing that she California, $14,000 had been drained from weeks. contained two blatantly false statements: is now wheelchair bound and in the latter their account. I sat in court while these fees For the three days after this couple were that this daughter (and only child) never stages of leukemia. were questioned - to no avail as of yet. whisked away, their adult daughter fran- sees the parents and is an addict, and that He said her health was the sole reason he Did you know that guardianship court tically tried to locate them. Eventually, a the husband has dementia and can no lon- didn’t make a scene and fight back when orders routinely authorizes the revocation notice was taped on their front door stating ger care for his wife. they were literally (legally) kidnapped from of any power of attorney and for the guard- that they had been moved to an assisted liv- In my interview with this elderly couple, their home. “But,” he added, “ I can tell you, ian to obtain ALL confidential financial I now know what the Jews must have felt like information of the senior - including bank in World War II.” statements, canceled checks, withdrawal I’m sure you’re asking how this could authorizations from financial institutions K & D happen: (such as brokerage or mutual fund firms) His pain management doctor had, two the Social Security administration, pension Estate weeks before this occurred, paid a home benefits (whether such accounts reflect the visit to ostensibly see the couple’s art collec- name of the senior individually, or with one tion. Thereafter, the doctor submitted a “To other person) or to close safe deposit boxes Sale Whom it May Concern” letter that “some- and even petition the court to change your how” made its way to this private (for profit) will or your trust? Liquidation guardian stating: The standard court order makes it very (a) the client has dementia, misses ap- clear that if your attorney advises that hav- pointments, won’t take his medicine and ing a power of attorney, a will or a trust Let us handle constantly forgets things; makes you safe from the hazards of a guard- the hassle for you. (b) the husband may harm himself or his ianship, they are mistaken; it does not. Whether you’ve wife who is very ill; and And while I would be the first one to admit lost a loved one or (c) it would be harmful for the couple that I am far from an expert on guardian- you’re just down to attend the court hearing because they ship issues, it is my intention to become one. sizing, K & D Estate wouldn’t understand what was happening Along with Publisher Dan, we even took the Sale is here for you. anyway. (702)506-8379 Give us a call at: We interviewed another victim, a veteran, CONTINUED ON married 60 years. He had been taking care PAGE 7 6 www.thevegasvoice.net forcement penalties for non-compliance. do anything and everything to keep the status Can you imagine if we bring stacks and ROBERTS RULES FROM 5. Establish an independent commission quo. thousands of petitions to the hearings? PAGE 5 or authority to audit and enforce financial Our suggestion is easy, effective and Any parent or adult child who fails to take 1. Repeal the requirement that a family accountability of the senior’s estate once any requires no heavy lifting. It will have an the time and “effort” to submit the petition member must be a resident of Nevada to be guardian is appointed. unbelievable, impact on the Nevada Legisla- deserves nothing less than a private guardian appointed as a guardian. WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU ture; and, best yet – will only take you (less to “protect’ them. After all, such assistance is 2. Family members and/or those named in Okay, so what do we do? The obvious an- than) one minute. As we have previously “for your own good.” a power of attorney, swer would be to urged, simply fill out the attached petition For your financial security and for those of joint bank account, organize, protest and mail/fax/email it to The Vegas Voice. your family, take a few seconds and do your trust or will be and contact our It will cost you no more than a stamp (or a part. The Vegas Voice will, of course, keep you given preferential respective Nevada local fax call) and for those individuals who updated and stay on top of this issue. standing over a legislative leaders are “on line” anyway - absolutely nothing. And last, but not least - as for my initial private guardian in and let them know The Vegas Voice will do the rest. Rana and outburst to Rana; let’s just say, I offered my the appointment of that this (legal) yours truly intend to travel to Carson City and (numerous) apologies. At times, there really a guardian. elder abuse racket hand deliver the petitions - as well as testify is nothing wrong with listening (and think- 3. Establish a cost must be stopped. before the legislature. ing) with your heart. effective, transpar- While, of course, ent and consistent we should do that process to define (and perhaps bring the mental compe- our baseball bats tency of the senior. too) the truth of A neurologist in the matter is that conjunction with most of us are too Know your rights! the senior’s primary Rana Goodman testifying before the Nevada busy, or too lazy physician should be legislature (or expect the other required for guardianship to be approved. guy) to do that. To 4. Mandate a complete and accurate initial further compound the problem, there is no inventory of all assets, as well as quarterly doubt that the private guardianship industry PPeettiittiioonn ttoo filing of all financial expenditures - with en- is well-funded, politically connected and will CCOORRRREECCTT GGuuaarrddiiaannsshhiipp LLaaww I (we) want to express my (our) total opposition to the existing law NRS 159.059 which requires that a relative must be a resident of the state of Nevada in order to qualify as a guardian of their parent or other loved one. It should be my choice; and if I so desire, my family member to serve as Guardian without any government or bureaucratic interference. Name(s):_________________________________ Address:_________________________________ ________________________________________ ________________________________________ Registered Voter Yes No Voted in last election Yes No M ail p e t i tion to: THE VEGAS VOICE ON MY SOAPBOX FROM (Editor’s Note: The Vegas Voice would 10624 S. Eastern Ave., # A-250 like to thank and recognize former Las Ve- PAGE 6 gas City Councilman Steve Miller for his Henderson, NV 89052 guardianship class offered by the public insight and previous reporting on this issue guardian and are now certified. Or fax to: 702/666-0427 and Rick Black who is, and continues to be Believe me, we are not done investigating a victim of these guardianship abuses for Or sign the petition online at: this issue and will have more to report. his assistance). www.thevegasvoice.net Rana Goodman is The Vegas Voice political editor and a “trouble shooter, advocating for seniors.” She also maintains a community web site, www.anthemtoday.com; a forum for residents in Sun City Anthem. She can be reached at: [email protected]. february 15 7 Rich Natole Magician Ariann Black In our entertainment capital of the world, As beautiful as she is talented, Ariann cer- and appeared on several television shows and there are a variety of performing styles to tainly stands out in the crowd. She told me that specials. choose from. There is no question, that if even as a little girl she always wanted to be a In addition to performing her act in the long you want to be entertained, there is defi- magician. A dream that has proven to be very running production “Splash” (where she was nitely something for everyone in this town. attainable for her. one of only two female acts ever to perform in Impressionists, impersonators, ventriloquists, Originally from Edmonton, Canada, Ariann the show) Ariann had the incredible honor of singers, comedians, jugglers, and even hypno- now makes her home in Las Vegas. She has per- being the featured magician for the President’s tists. formed her show in several of the top hotels - on Inaugural Ball. I have to say however, that one of my favorites and off the strip. That’s quite a feat in and of itself! What per- to watch is a good magic show. She’s been a long running opening act for former wouldn’t want that on their resume? We’ve all seen David Blaine doing just that A talented magician can take an audience on “The Amazing Jonathan” and opened for many Ariann Black is most definitely a Las Vegas in remote villages. Doug Henning was another a mystical journey; appearing at first to travel in other headlining performers as well. Winning star on the rise and she is indeed, a top notch famous magician who traveled the world in one direction, then taking an unexpected twist numerous awards for her show “Black Magic” magician. search of new tricks. to a surprising, unexplainable outcome. Ariann has earned the prestigious titles of “Ma- Look for Ariann in a showroom near you and Magic has a fascinating history. To this day, This kind of showmanship is extremely en- gician of the Year” and even “Magician of the experience the mystical journey of her magic for people continue to talk about the great Houdini tertaining to me, particularly when the artist is a Decade.” yourself. For more information on the magical and the mark he made in the magic world. true master. Magicians, like other artists, spend Not too many can boast of these honors! talents of Ariann Black, visit: Fortunately for us, there are several magicians years and even decades working on their craft. Along with this, Ariann has traveled the world www.arianblack.com. today that continue to keep magic alive and well. They dedicate themselves to studying and Ariann Black is one of these magicians. learning new tricks that will set them apart from Rich Natole is a comic/impressionist headlining entertainer & host of The Vegas Voice Over the years, I’ve had the pleasure of doing the competition. Some magicians even travel to Radio Show. For more information visit: www.richnatole.com. You can also contact several shows with Ariann. Without any doubt, faraway lands to extend their education and ex- I can tell you that she is clearly one of the best! Rich at: [email protected]. plore the art of magic. PPeeooppllee && PPllaacceess Sam Wagmeister The Scintas Revive Old Vegas If you’ve been in Vegas since the time audience through an adventure of music, reminiscent of “Forever Plaid’s” three-min- Pete Barbutti, Sonny King, Louis Prima and comedy and patriotism that includes tributes ute eleven-second “Ed Sullivan Show” trib- Keeley Smith ruled lounges on The Strip, to Motown, Michael Jackson, Joe Cocker, Ray ute. you probably long for the days when casino Charles, Kermit, Garth Brooks and a dozen Each band member, drummer and unof- profits passed to owner’s hands in plain white other entertainment icons. ficial Scinta Peter O’Donnell; pianist direc- envelopes and cigar smoking, whiskey drink- The blushingly, almost-bawdy show is tor Dan Ellis and guitarist Marc Chauvette ing, dame chasing and tough guys with a filled with the same language nearly all of is given their moment to shine, including sense of human values ran the joints. us used in high school; the “friggins’” fly Frankie who burns up the keyboard with Those days had spirit, energy and excite- through the air like New Year’s Eve confetti. “Great Balls of Fire. ment about them. The guys dressed in suits, Joey & Frankie Scinta But Valentine, like Scinta sister Chrissi be- “I don’t love to do this, I live to do this,” the gals in dresses. fore her, keeps the comedic bickering broth- Frankie confides as a light shines from over- through the first floor bikini-clad dealers to The slots clanged from coins, instead of to- ers, Frankie and Joey, in line between songs head and his “Godfather theme” pays tribute the second floor, (preserved with slots that day’s paper tickets. Dice rolled and, of course, and sets. Her breathtaking wardrobe changes to the family’s father. actually take coins and stocked with mini- the lounges. The lounges - they jumped and compliment her range of vocal talents that Derek Stevens, a regular at the Scintas per- mountains of plastic cottage cheese-like con- jived and swung. include the opera aria “Nessun Dorma.” formances and owner of the D Las Vegas takes tainers for collecting winnings) and there, in Today’s big casinos are ruled by the loud Frankie’s quick wit was demonstrated pride that the Scintas are “our first headliner. the back, is the oasis - the showroom. staccato of DJ’s, overpriced booze and too opening night of their newest show. A group We love them like family.” At night, the showroom is ruled by The obvious innuendos. Well old timer, the of Kansas tourists were treated to an im- The 8:30 pm show runs Saturdays through Scintas, Frankie and Joey and their va-va- days (and nights) you long for are gone… promptu five minute “Wizard of Oz” with Wednesdays. For our fellow underserved 55+ vavoom vocal accompanist, Janien Valentine. gone…gone…except at the second floor of Frankie providing all the voices and songs audience, consider yourself served. Early on, Frankie sets the nostalgic expec- The D on Fremont Street. tations. “Remember the days when we went The marquee leprechaun is gone from the Sam Wagmeister, a local Realtor specializing in Las Vegas senior communities, covers into the streets and played ‘kick the can’ and old Fitzgerald’s, replaced by a giant D when the hidden gems of Las Vegas Entertainment for The Vegas Voice. He would love to ‘hide and seek,’” he says, catapulting the the new owner took over. Make your way hear what you think. Contact Sam at: [email protected] or (702) 245-6556 8 www.thevegasvoice.net II KKnnooww aa PPllaaccee Evan Davis My Year in Review So the holidays are over and we’ve had a month to recuperate. If you’re reading this, then we’ve survived. My holiday highlights consisted of a quiet Hanukkah and Christmas and a lively and musical birthday celebration at the Italian American Club with two of my favorite singers, Jonathan Karrant and Craig Canter. I produced a show at The Mad Greek Café starring Mark Giovi and handled the pro- motional phase of the production “Happy Birthday Mr. Sinatra” starring Gary Anthony and Denise Rose as Judy Garland. In-between those two shows I squeezed in “Rotator Cuff Surgery” and planning February’s schedule of shows that I will be producing and promoting. New Year’s Eve was an intimate evening Pia Zadora with Pia Zadora at Pia’s Place in Piero’s. But Ross & Marsha Ross. The opening and closing let’s see if I can give you a quick rundown of of the West Wing Cigar Lounge. 2014. July - Thursday night at Siena Deli with January - I produced a show with Chad- Kent Foote and the Vegas Goodfellas. The Scin- wick Johnson at the Mad Greek Café. Chad- tas at The D and Sandi’s Birthday at the IAC. wick just hit the Vegas scene. August - Kenny Davidsen’s Bowtie Caba- I also put together a Tuesday night “Martini ret in the T-Spot Lounge at Tuscany Suites & & Jazz Mix & Mingle” at the Barrymore’s in Casino. Laura Shaffer would be in the Piazza the Royal Resort Hotel. Julian Tanaka’s Jazz Lounge at the Tuscany on Monday’s and Nik Quartet started the mixer and months later at Nite would take on Sunday nights. Shows David DeCosta ended the Tuesday night mix- at the Foundation Room in Mandalay Bay ers. helped bring a whole different vibe. February - Resident artist Clint Holmes September - I joined The Vegas Voice as every first weekend at the Smith Center. Entertainment Editor. Talk about being busy. March - Jim Caruso and Billy Stritch Kinky Boots in Reynolds Hall at the Smith brought their New York “Cast Party” to the Center. Mark Shunock’s Mondays Dark, ben- Smith Center’s Cabaret Jazz room. An open efiting local charities. Rob Garret’s own room mic for professionals. at the Westgate for his Neil Diamond tribute Got to see Elton John at Caesars Palace and show that lasted through the end of the year. started to help promote “Viva Las Vegas Event October - Salvatore’s in the Suncoast on Center” now known as Ron DeCar’s. Tuesday & Thursday nights for an entertain- April - The Composer’s Showcase, a ment hangout. Cabo Lounge with Ricco Dia- monthly entertainment forum that allows lo- mante & Elisa Furr. Beatles Love. Video Dave’s cal composers and songwriters the opportuni- monthly “Playboy After Dark” recording ses- ty to present original musical hosted by Keith sions. Thompson was part of my monthly entertain- November - Italian American Club be- ment fix. coming a great hangout for music, food, May - Ten days in Italy took up a good drinks and good friends. Pia’s Place at Piero’s chunk of the month, but Bob Anderson’s Sina- for an intimate hang as well. And, of course, tra Spectacular at the Venetian was a high- Turkey Day! light. December - A month of holidays and my June - German American Club for a Tues- birthday weekend celebration at the IAC. End- day night Jazz fix featuring Joe Darro, Norm ing with Pia Zadora on NYE. Evan Davis is the entertainment editor of The Vegas Voice. You can read his entertainment blog and sign up to receive his free email weekly Calendar of Events at www.EvanDavisJazz.com. You can also email him at: [email protected]. february 15 9 VViicckkii’’ss VVooiiccee Vicki Wentz Don’t Drive For Me, Lamborghini I read yesterday that a group of car scien- limit...occasionally. tists got into their new invention - a car that Are you telling me that these “Smart Cars” drives itself and headed from San Francisco would be made never to go over the speed to Los Angeles, or somewhere, and each took limit, even if you tell them to? Because I’ll tell turns at the controls along the way. It was you right now, I do NOT like ANYONE telling apparently a complete and total success, or me what to do in my private car! to quote one of the car scientists, “That was I mean, I obey the speed limit (for the abso- cool.” lute most part) and I wear my seatbelt (some- Then, they encouraged us to welcome the times I put my left arm through it, to prevent wave of the future in car technology. Please. the strangulation that threatens every time it I haven’t completely welcomed the micro- rides up over my chest...not that my chest is wave yet. I still feel those tiny, toxic particles easily navigated...and that’s my business!), bombarding me when I stand in front of a but if I want to go a tad faster, is this car going running microwave while working at the to reject my instructions? stove. What if I want to make a U-turn somewhere This is one of the reasons I’ve mostly that I’m not supposed to...theoretically...will stopped cooking. I don’t want to be my grand- it rebel? Will it decline to drive me anywhere would yell (naturally - inanimate objects car, you should know where the car wash is!” daughter’s nightlight. the next day, as punishment? can’t hear you unless your voice is really And, at this point, the car would begin But, let’s consider: What if they make a car that contacts the loud), “Albertsons, but not the one I usually smoking and drive her into a tree. Not that First, you must program the car (I assume police about your U-turn attempt? Who are go to. I want the one near the high school, oh, I’ve ever considered that. it would be voice activated, right?) when you they going to believe: the car, or you? I’m what’s the name of that street? It begins with What if you and your date have had a fabu- get in, like “Albertson’s” or “the Shell station” thinking it’s gonna be the rat-bastard, stool- an H...or maybe an L? lous night and you don’t want it to end; you or “the closest bar.” pigeon car, that’s who! “Well, I can’t remember, but it’s right across just want to meander through town, past the Here’s the glitch: I can tell you with com- I’m not seeing lots of pros, my friend. Sure, from the car wash. For heaven’s sake, you’re a lake, down old dirt roads, etc.? If you program plete confidence that my mother, for example, it would be nice to be hands-free sometimes. your eventual destination, will the car insist Think of all you could get done. on getting you there in 6 minutes? Polish your nails, text your sister, fold the Will your date’s lasting impression be of laundry, order a pizza and have the car pick you beating and yanking on the steering it up so you can eat it on your way to Spin wheel, using words she hasn’t heard since her Class...wait a minute...what if they make a father tried to build those “Easy to assemble!” car that knows when you’re going off your bookshelves? diet, and will refuse to take you to Domino’s... I am a careful, capable driver, but, occa- People, call your Congressman RIGHT sionally - and I totally mean occasionally, of- NOW! ficer - I might drive a tad faster than the speed SSaattuurrddaayy,, FFeebbrruuaarryy 2288tthh •• 55 ppmm -- 88 ppmm SSuunn CCiittyy AAnntthheemm BBaallllrroooomm CCAASSHH BBAARR 22445500 HHaammppttoonn RRooaadd,, HHeennddeerrssoonn,, NNeevvaaddaa AAPPPPEETTIIZZEERRSS $$4455 pppp CCAASSUUAALL AATTTTIIRREE AAnn iinntteerraaccttiivvee eevveenniinngg ooff cceelleebbrriittyy qquuiicckk ddrraawwss,, aarrttiissttss ccrreeaattiinngg lliivvee,, ppeerrffoorrmmaannccee aarrtt,, ccaarriiccaattuurreess,, pphhoottooggrraapphhss,, ssppeecciiaall gguueessttss,, lliivvee aanndd ssiilleenntt aauuccttiioonnss aanndd aa ssppeecciiaall ttrriibbuuttee ttoo tthhee ccrreeaattiivvee lliiffee ooff MMiikkee MMiilllleerr PPrroocceeeeddss bbeenneeffiitt ffaammiilliieess,, sseenniioorrss aanndd iinnddiivviidduuaallss sseerrvveedd bbyy HHooppeeLLiinnkk ooff SSoouutthheerrnn NNeevvaaddaa PPuurrcchhaassee ttiicckkeettss aatt wwwwww..lliinnkk22hhooppee..oorrgg,, bbyy mmaaiill,, oorr iinn ppeerrssoonn aatt 117788 WWeessttmmiinnsstteerr WWaayy HHeennddeerrssoonn,, NNeevvaaddaa 8899001155 770022--556666--00557766 10 www.thevegasvoice.net
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